The Up Side and Down Side of Being in Love with A Kirkland
by GermanSheppies
Summary: USUK- AU- Alfred and his father move to England after his father had a divorce. Alfred becoming an outcast, he befriends a group of teens who quickly turn his life around, especially a certain Brit named Arthur. The friendship between Arthur and Alfred develops into something stronger, but this is no good especially with the pressure of high school.
1. Chapter 1

28

Hi...

Um, where do I start?

Well, my name's Alfred, Alfred jones.

I guess it all started when I moved to England. My parents got a divorce, my mom taking my brother, my dad taking me. He wanted a fresh start, so we moved out of America and into England. I didn't though, I had everything I needed. Popularity, friends, family. I cried for the whole plane ride.

Our house was rather big, and just for my dad and I. He felt bad, so he got me a Chocolate lab puppy. We named her Ala. My backyard was rather big, and we lived not too far from London.

I started high school on the second year, I was thirteen. Everybody thought it was cool I came from America, and the girls loved my so called 'accent'. When really they were the ones with the accent, I think.

Then that one day. Such a small thing sparked so much. Opening my locker, I kneeled in to get my bag to head home. And without thought, I accidently knocked my head on the top of the locker. It hurt, but the laughs hurt more. It really wasn't that funny, I have no idea why they thought it was so funny. After this, I was 'klutz' and 'freakishly tall'. Which were both actually true, but that didn't give me the right to call me names. Since my body was much too big for me, I was normally bumping into people. The only kid who was taller than me was Ivan, but he was a grade ahead of me. Then I started being called 'nerd' because I got along with the teachers. At this point, everybody hated me. I never fought back, I had been taught not to fight. At first it was anger, which soon turned into self-hate. I never went outside, and my tan skin quickly turned pale. Food and art was my only relief, even though I didn't eat too much. Art was something I loved, and took great pride in. I did it in secret now, after school. I didn't want people to see because I was afraid they'd make fun of me, and it was the only thing that hadn't been torn to pieces yet. Art was the only thing keeping me going. And afterschool when I drew, there was also the quiet sound of singing and guitar from the music room. That was nice too.

But despite art keeping me somewhat healthy, I quickly started cutting when the whole school found out I was gay.

I hid the scars from everyone, and anyone who saw I blamed my dog. Even my dad had no idea what was going on. Because of my new love of sweatshirts, I was called emo a lot. Looking back at that, I really did look like a stereotypical emo. I had lost basically all my muscle, got pretty pale, and the only thing that remained from my childhood was my blue eyes which sadly added to the look more. I surprisingly didn't cry too much, I was just really quiet most of the time. I knew there were a few people in school who liked me a little, the art group i think wanted me to join. We exchanged hellos now and then. But I didn't want to bring the bullies upon them, and I think they knew it too.

"Look at how he squirms!" Was the last thing I heard before my hearing blurred, until I could only make out certain words. The pressure on my throat was unbearable, the sensitive muscle being pushed down onto my windpipe, the rough fingers of my attacker burning the skin. I tried gasping every small ounce of air that came in, resulting in quiet whimpers. I tried to get him off, my hands prying at his fingers, but no use. I was no longer the strong eleven-year-old I once was.

"Chris, I think you're killing him," The boy next to him said quietly, who was a bit smaller in comparison, "I think you've done enough, we don't want a murder on our hands."

"Why not? No one would even notice if he was gone! Isn't that right, Jones?" Chris said harshly. I didn't take hurt to his words like I normally did; my human instincts had kicked in to franticly scramble to survive. I pulled my neck up, just a little bit, allowing a small amount of air to circulate through my body, in return a small whimper escaping my lips.

"Chris! You're going to kill him!" The other boy snapped, yanking his shoulder. Chris's hands fell off my neck, and my whole body expanded to hungrily gulp in the air. My brain focusing on restoring air to it, my legs buckled almost immediately.

"G-God-," I said airily, just above a whisper, and began rubbing my throat. That was easily the worst pain I had ever felt, the pressure even had felt like it was squeezing my brain.

"Alfred, haven't we taught you well enough," Chris' rough hand slipped over my mouth, "don't talk, don't cry. You'll get us in trouble."

I nodded quickly. I did not want to go through that again, and obedience meant less pain for the most part.

"Now Alfred, don't want that again, do you?" Chris sunk down to my level, his hand returning to him. I shook my head no quickly, the brunette smiling in return, "Okay, well, I know how much you love skipping class. So how about you stay in the locker room for a few periods, okay?" He took the collar of my sweater to prove he would hurt me if I left.

"O-okay," I whispered quietly, pushing myself as far as I could against the stall.

He smiled. "You gonna cry, faggot?"

That's when I realized that I was on the brink of tears from the mix of pain and fear. My cheeks tugging at my lips to form a frown. "No."

"Chris we're going to be late, stop picking on him," The other boy said in a hiss, his brown eyes narrowing. I shot a quick look at the other, his kid-like features standing out. Once his eyes found mine I quickly looked away.

The two boys left, slamming the door. I shakily had gotten up, pushing on the toilet to stand. The cold white material felt good on my fingers, and then I remembered that this was a toilet. I sat on one of the benches outside of the stall, still in the changing room, my light grey binder greeting me. Thank god they didn't take it, my art was in there. I quickly filed through the heavy thing making sure nothing was taken, which I was relieved to see nothing was. A small smile fell upon my face. I quickly rushed it into my locker in case they came back. Feeling gingerly over my now unstable neck, I felt the indents were Chris' thick fingers once were. I cringed, disgusting images filling my head. Did he really push down that hard? Damn, maybe he was going to kill me one of these days. But as long as I complied with his wishes, I'd be fine for the most part.

My eyes dropped. I was exhausted from my brain working so hard and fighting back. I slid down to the floor against the lockers, small strips of metal from the lockers poking at my back as I did so. Tucking my legs into my chest, I rested my arms and head on them.

Quiet.

It was nice. I liked being alone. Even the pressure of any crowd bothered me, the constant fear I'd trip over my own feet and get laughed at. But alone I could do anything and no one would see. I smiled against my jeans, the cozy warmth of my sweater comforting me further once I put on the dark red hood. Even though, a friend would be nice. Like my dog, I love being around her because she doesn't care what I do and if I mess up. She loves me anyways. I want someone like that.

I began to very quietly whisper to myself, since I felt truly alone, "You're okay, Alfred, they're gone. They won't hurt you as long as you stay here. You're good." I sighed, pushing up my left sleeve and tapping on the scars up and down my arm.

"Damnit, wish I brought it…" I frowned, pushing down my sleeve again, the fantasies of my razor filling my head, regretting not bringing it to school. My brain seeking another way of comfort even though I told it to shut up, it presented to me the option of jerking off, which I immediately grimaced at, "Where the hell did that come from? Alfred you are one sick fuck," I quietly laughed. My fingers came up to my bangs to twirl the soft blonde hair around it, the smooth feeling plus the gentle yanking felt good, but I knew I was going to mess up my hair so I stopped shortly after.

That's when I heard the door creak open.

Shit. No. Don't come in. Please.

As soon as I heard the door open my legs stretched out to push myself further against the locker. Please, please don't be Chris. Don't be anyone but a teacher.

But to my displeasure, it wasn't an adult. It was another male, but it was too short to be Chris. I immediately thought to hide in a stall, but I wouldn't make it.

A green-haired, pale, black t-shirt wearing boy walked in. He was a tad bit shorter then Chris, but a bit taller than Chris' friend he was with earlier. At first he had what looked like a cigar, but upon inspection I stupidly realized it was a lollipop. He didn't notice me at first, and upon sitting down on a bench his opened up his eyes with the 'I'm too cool for you' look. He looked less emo, and more punk cool kid. I recognized him though somewhat. Upon opening his eyes though, he probably had the prettiest eyes I had ever seen. Well, pretty to an artist. His eyes were a mess of greens, which formed to make it look like a bright green, even though the base color of his eyes were a dull green. I stared at them for a while, for a future reference. He began searching through a folder with a small music note on it. But his eyes expanded, his pupil meeting mine.

"Oh hey, didn't see you there," The other softly murmured, turning his attention back toward the folder. I rested my chin on my legs again, not responding to his comment. "Oh, hey, your that Alfred kid right?" The other took the lollipop out of his mouth, a small trail of spit still clinging to his lips. He grimaced and cut it with his finger.

"Uh, oh, yeah," I responded quietly.

"The, uh, jumpy student from America, eh?" He said with a quiet laugh, "Surprised you haven't run away yet."

"Chris said he'd beat me up if I left, sorry if I'm bothering you-," I smacked my hands on my mouth once I realized what information I leaked.

"He's an asshole, isn't he?" Arthur said, the stick in his mouth spinning slightly. I nodded quietly, feeling some sort of connection between me and this other male. He wasn't hurting me, so that was a start.

"I can get you out of here if you want, Chris respects me, and so it shouldn't be too much trouble."

My eyes widened at the comment, "Really?"

"Yeah, might need to pay me next time," I expected him to laugh but he didn't, "if there is a next time. I don't do favors very often."

"Thank you!" I said quietly. The other stared at me after getting up, his green eyes making my artist heart flutter.

"Well come on, get up," He said in a frustrated huff, rolling his eyes, "damn, you are one of the most nervous people I have ever met," He then said quietly to himself as I got up, I taking no offense to it. I dusted off my pants as a way to get my nervous energy off and quickly unlocked the locker behind me. Bending down I reached inside of it to grab my binder.

Once meeting up with the other, he gave his lollipop another twirl in his mouth. The thought of him being able to French kiss well popped into my mind, since not just any tongue could spin a lollipop that fast. He took my wrist forcefully, my cuts from two nights ago that hadn't fully healed stinging under his grip. Damn, he was fast too. It was like he was in some big hurry, even though he still had that 'I don't care' thing going for him, not even shooting a look at me. He pushed me out of the changing room with him, walking out into the busy gymnasium, and the smell of puberty extremely prominent. I grimaced; did any of these boys' even shower?

"Hey, Jones-!" Chris rocketed off of one of the bleachers once I saw him, our eyes meeting at the same time. I pulled away from the other male, who was saving my skin in an attempt to run away, but he stumbled back once and then his grip got firmer.

"Calm down, would you?" He hissed quietly, narrowing his eyes. I swallowed and nodded.

Chris meeting eyes with me smiled, but it faded once meeting eyes with the other. "A-Arthur!" He stopped in his tracks. I thought for a moment, guessing Arthur was my savior's name. I did recognize the name, and I think he was part of that group of 'I don't care' kids. If I remember correctly, they all had died hair besides the female in the group.

"Hey, Chris, what's your fucking deal?" Arthur suddenly yelled, dropping my wrist as he stepped forward to interrogate the brunette. My arm went to my chest, the other petting it to soothe the burning coming from the cuts.

"Arthur, your friends with this guy? I had no idea!" Chris said, putting his hands up to his face. Arthur grabbed them and pushed them back down.

"I'm not, but doesn't give you the right to treat him like rubbish!" Chris backed up from the shouting shorter male, which was actually really amusing. I mean, I'm huge, and Arthur's so tiny, and Chris was terrified of him. Arthur didn't even look that strong as a matter of fact, but his shouting was kind of scary, but not really. I probably smiled at that point, but I really don't remember.

"Anyone for that matter! You're not the boss here!"

"Arthur, dude-!"

"Do not call me that! I am not your friend, hear me?"

"Y-yes sir!"

"I swear to god, if I find you picking on him, I will get a hold of Liz!" With that, Chris' expression turned from nervous to fear. Liz was a girl's name, and the only girl I remember seeing Arthur with was the one in his group. But, what did he even mean? That girl didn't look that strong or threatening at all. He had to mean someone else.

"Got it Arthur, you won't see me at all with this guy anymore!" I knew that was a lie, and I frowned, but I'm pretty sure he was finished for the day, which was a good thing for me. Even though others tripped me through the hall and laughed sometimes, Chris was defiantly the worst. It's not like I get chocked every day, and he's really the only one who 'beats' me.

Arthur forcefully grabbed my wrist again, the stringing greeting me. He dragged me throughout the gym, finally getting me out of the horrid smelling place. Even though I was a good thirty minutes late to math, I'm so happy that that was over.

"Hey, now you don't go running off just quite yet," Arthur quietly mumbled, "Look, I'm not gonna hurt you, but I just wanted to try this."

I cocked my head to the side in confusion, but as Arthur's hand came up to smack me against the face, my arms tightened and my fingers extending. Arthur stopped inches from my face, but still I kept my eyes closed shut until he spoke again.

Arthur laughed quietly, aggravating me a little, "Wow, you really are jumpy." Well, yeah, I don't like being hit like anyone else, so I try to defend myself. Whoa, I had no idea I was human.

I nodded quietly instead of adding sarcastic comments. Maybe he really would smack me if I did; he seemed like that kind of person.

"Okay, well, don't think I'll ever do that again," Arthur said, "Your very lucky I'm in a good mood today, blah, blah, we're not friends, I'm just doing a favor," With every 'blah' Arthur simulated a mouth with his hand like a child.

I nodded, "T-thank you!" I sprinted off to math class. The teacher didn't mind that I was late, and despite my hate for math I still did okay in it, so he let me go with a warning. He asked me where I was, and I told him I had tripped last period. Wrong thing to say, I heard a few people laugh.

The next day, I stayed home. My dad would flip if he found out, but I didn't care at this point. I had my mom's old fleece blanket wrapped tightly around my shoulders, warmth hugging my shirtless body. I really liked being warm, and in the summer I usually spent all my time outside. Which never happened this year. So I turned into a fucking vampire. The smell of chocolate from the kitchen signaled my hot chocolate was done in the microwave (Yeah I microwave hot chocolate, I'm so cool), and beckoned me towards it. Taking the mug out, I realized it was smoking hot, but it was too late for that. I already made my way back to the living room, balancing the mug in my fingertips, swiftly walking to get my fingers to stop burning but being careful not to spill it. Placing it on the table finally, I searched through the cabinet for a horror movie to watch to ease boredom. My fingers fumbled through the DVDS and I paused at 'Carrie'.

"What if I end up like Carrie? Kill everybody with magic," I laughed quietly at myself, and countuied through the boxes. I settled for Blair Witch Project, afraid that I would want my hot chocolate with a slasher flick that I had worked so hard to get into the living room. Sitting back down as the movie started, my dog quietly sleeping on the other side of the couch.

Getting up at six was hard for me. It was hard to escape the warmth and comfort of my bed to take another shot at the world ahead. Today especially, because it was raining. I had eaten breakfast and took off, my black hoodie almost shielding me completely. Dad took the umbrella. I knew I was going to get mocked for my hoodie today, for the back of it had the American flag on it. Which was kind of disrespectful, but people in America wore British flags all the time. Whatever, screw it. I like America more. I didn't even consider this damp place home; I hated it here, even though I lived here for at least two years already. I wish I was back home with Mattie and my parents were happy in Washington again. I want my friends back, I want my popularity back, and I hate this. I hate myself, I hate rain, I hate Britain, I hate Chris, I hate looking at the scars on my arm, and I hate school. Screw it all. Why can't I just sleep all day? That would be great. Sleep, chocolate, America, and a sketchbook. That's so simple, that's all I really want, why can't I just have it? Why can't the world just ignore me and let me be?

With a heavy heave the front doors opened, and my soaking wet carcass slipping through them. I coughed, shivering, the hair that wasn't covered dripping wet. My soaking wet hoodie clinging to my arms. I pushed my hoodie down, I starting walking awkwardly towards my locker, my wet jeans rubbing together causing extreme discomfort to my legs. Nobody was around really, so I could do my awkward waddle to avoid friction from my wet pants. At least they were completely soaked and not just wet around my groin now that would be really damn embarrassing. I had after school drawing today with a few kids from the art group.

A girl walked by my locker as I put my stuff away, I heard her giggle behind me. "Got a little wet, hm?"

I turned. It didn't sound like she was teasing me. Well, she was, but a friendly tease. I met her big brown puppy eyes as she smiled at me kindly, "You got an undershirt under that sweater? If not I can let you borrow one of my boyfriends, it might be kind of small on you though."

She had a few clips in her hair, and I really didn't feel threatened by her presence at all, "No, I'm okay, I really only wear long sleeves. Thanks for the offer though."

"Picked up on that," She quietly laughed, walking up to my locker. Her accent was anything but British, sounded more German but a little different. Maybe if German and British accents had a baby it would be her, because it had somewhat of a Brit's bounciness by the way she talked. I smiled faintly. "Hey, aren't you the guy Arthur heroically saved yesterday?"

I laughed, "Yep, that's me."

"Surprised he didn't rip your head off, he might act cool but he'll explode like a time bomb if you push him the tiniest bit," The girl laughed, "He's like a grumpy old man." We both laughed.

"Hey, by any chance," I paused, thinking back to yesterday and Arthur's screaming, "Aren't you Liz?"

She nodded, "Well, my full name is Elizabeta, but people only really call me Liz," Liz said, "I come from Hungary, and it's a common name there. But Liz makes me fit in a bit better here."

"That's the accent," I smiled, "Glad to hear I'm not the only student from a straight different country," I tapped the metal on my locker.

"My boyfriend came from Germany, and he has a younger brother too I think," Liz said, and then she leaned closer to me in a whisper, "He's kind of a jackass!" We both laughed quietly, even though I didn't even know the guy.

"Hey, are the rumors true that you're gay?" Liz said straight out, the sudden comment taking me back a little.

I nodded, "Yeah, I'm gay." We both ended sitting on the floor in front of my locker, the cold white floor adding to my discomfort. I did like talking to Liz though, "Why, you interested?" Liz stuck her tongue out and I smiled.

"Just wondering, Arthur's gay too, maybe you guys can be a little married couple of the grumpy old man and the shy American," It was my turn to make a disgusted face as the Hungarian snickered, "Wait, I still don't have your name."

"Oh, Alfred," I said quickly, "Feel free to call me Al though." I began bouncing my left leg gently with that.

"How about Alfie?" My eyes widened at the comment, for I hadn't heard that nickname in forever. Mom used to call me it, so did Matthew. My dad thinks I'm too old for the name now, but I kind of like the name.

"Well, really my family only calls me that, but sure," I shrugged lightly.

"You're not as jittery as Arthur said you were," Liz bit her lip, "Well then again we are talking about Arthur."

"Some people just intimidate me, and I guess I was in a situation where I couldn't get out of it," I shrugged again, "Oh well, everybody things I'm jittery."

"Well duh," Liz grunted, "Your hit like every day in the halls, no wonder."

"Thank you!" I sighed, "Someone gets it!" I spread out my hands, "He really hurt my wrists too when he was dragging me out."

"Really? Arthur's so small, and you so-," Liz to a moment to refer to my length.

"I have sensitive wrists," I shrugged, hiding the fact that I cut like I always do. Really wasn't that much of a big deal, I cut for relief, it's not like I murder people or smoke weed. Liz glared at me in thought, but then snapped out of it, "Oh, yeah, thanks for talking to me. I really don't socialize much; I needed it today I guess."

"No problem, hun, your fun to talk to," Liz smiled, "Hey; maybe wanna get ice-cream with me and my boyfriend after school?"

Cancel art plans, this was once in a life time opportunity! And ice cream, damn I loved that stuff. I nodded quickly in response to Liz, a really big smile across my face.

"I invited Arthur, but he had 'band practice', which translates into English from snobby British into 'im going to go play my guitar in complete darkness instead of socializing'". Liz already had me laughing at 'from snobby British-'.

"Yo, Liz!" The loud yell from down the hall scared us both a bit, our attention turning to the opposite side of the hall of the one I came in.

"Oh great," Liz murmured, A boy about as big as she was clumsily stamping down the hall. He had clean, snow white hair. This wasn't old hair, it was pure white. He was also paler then I, the vampire, and he had pinkish eyes. Albinism was the first thought. He wore a sweatshirt like me and skinny jeans.

"Goodmorn- Oh hey who's this?" The white haired male chirped, the large eagle on his sweater distracting me. His accent was thick, clearly German, 'this' was pronounced like 'vhis'. He bent down to our level on the floor, invading my precious personal space as I pushed myself against the locker.

"Stop it Gil, your scaring him," Liz said, her hands curling around my shoulder. Damn, I felt so invaded right now. Uneasiness creeping over me, that thick British accent comforted me from behind.

"C'mon you guys, are you that blind? The boy obviously doesn't want to be touched." Gilbert backing up from my face, Arthur crept up from behind them.

"Oh yay! Jackass fest!" Liz screamed, throwing her hands in the air and clapping. I laughed until I noticed the glare Arthur shot at me and I sunk against the locker. The other guy, I was guessing was Gil just looked really confused.

"Enough with the bloody sarcastic comments Liz," Arthur snorted, rolling his eyes at the girls immature.

"Oh bloody hell! Im Arthur Kirkland and I am an old man trapped inside a teen boy's body who really likes lollipops!" Liz said, mocking Arthur's accent, which was funny as hell. I tried not to burst out laughing, but the smile on my face was clearly visible.

"She's kind of right," Gil said with a laugh. Arthur grimaced.

"Why am I even friends with you guys?" The brit snorted, tapping his foot.

"Damn, you really need a boyfriend again, you're getting grumpy," Gil laughed, poking Arthur's chest. Arthur gritted his teeth and pushed away the pale hands.

"I'm actually working on it!" Arthur said proudly. That's when I realized the whole time I had been eyeing Arthur since he came over. I swallowed, thinking what the hell was wrong with me, and pushed aside the thoughts.

"Is it Alfred?" Liz cooed, "The shy American and the lollipop sucking Brit, we should make a show out of that!"

"Very funny, Liz," Arthur huffed, but we were all quietly snickering. Even Arthur at this point had a smile on his face, "Oh, speaking of lollies, I have a few if anyone wants one-." Lollies, that's a cute way to say it. British words sounded childish to me.

"When don't you have lollipops, Arthur?" Gil laughed, "What's your deal with the things anyways?" The German began searching through Arthur's bag as the Brit motioned to take some.

"I like to suck on them, gives me something to do. The taste stays longer then gum," Arthur said once Gilbert pulled a strawberry one out, taking off the wrapper and letting it drop to the floor.

"Also like to suck on-!" Liz said loudly, Arthur cutting her off.

"Shut up Liz!" The brit angrily yelled. I literally felt invisible now; I wish it was just Liz and I again. Just I again, like always. I tucked my knees to my chest and rested my head on them as the three quarreled on. I just wanted to be alone now. It was fun, but now im invisible. But now that Arthur was distracted, I took a few moments to really look at his face at an artistic point of view. I took mental notes of him having a soft look to his face, and that his eyebrows looked much thicker than they were because they didn't match his hair. He must have black hair, but then again the roots of his hair which I could still see were a blonde. He really was a piece of art, and the urge to draw quickly grew stronger.

"So, Al, you're going with these guys?" The sentence snapped me back into reality, Arthur speaking my nickname drawing my attention.

"Oh, u-uh, yeah," I said quickly, without thinking letting out a small stutter.

"Well, maybe I'll go then," Arthur smiled faintly; I could just see the white of his teeth. Gil and Liz both started cooing 'oo' at the same time. Arthur rolled his eyes, "Just so maybe I can have someone to talk to when you guys get to dumb." That sentence bothered me deeply, like I was just a toy to him. I mean, I wasn't expecting him to be like 'oh I love Alfred he's so cool' but I couldn't help but feel the cruelness leaking from the comment. I bit my lip.

"Oh, hey, the bell's going to ring soon," Gil said quietly, "People will start pouring in, we'd be lucky if we survived."

We all quietly laughed, "Okay, let's meet after school at the usual place." I cocked my head to the side and shot a confused look at Liz, "Oh! Alfred, um, Arthur can show you- but it's that shack outside of the gymnasium, we meet in front of that a lot."

I nodded, "Sounds good, what about money?"

"It's okay Al, I've got it covered," Arthur said quietly. It looks like he's decided to call me Al now; it aggravated me he didn't ask. I mean, I hardly know him. All I know about his personality is he tries to act cool, is grumpy, and likes lollipops. I have hardly talked to him, like, at all.

"Okay, well, bye Alfred! Nice talking to you," Liz laughed, getting up and dusting herself off, she then offered a hand and I took it, and surprisingly she pulled me up with little effort. The sudden rush surprised me a bit.

"Alright, bye," I said, "See you after school." Liz waved as she joined Gil walking hand and hand.

"Meet me at your homeroom after school," Arthur said, turning to walk away with lollipop still in his mouth, muffling his talking somewhat.

"Uh, bye," I said, loud enough so he could hear me. Arthur didn't turn around, just continued down the hall.

"He is grumpy," I whispered, walking to homeroom, "Jeez, doesn't even have enough decency to say bye back."

Ice cream with Liz, and Gilbert (which I soon found out was his full name) was fun. I wasn't so sure about Arthur though, he kept making those 'cool' remarks at us, he really cared about his popularity, and it seemed like he cared about control as well, just in his tone served rudeness on a platter. I tried to ignore it for the most part and talk to Liz and Gilbert, they were nice. Despite Gilbert's and I's awkward meeting, he was pretty cool. And he was a jackass, but a funny one at that.

I went home after and tried to sleep for the rest of the day, relieved that that day was alright and went by quicker than I thought. I was pretty damn relaxed; the only thing still bothering me was Arthur. I probably thought about him for hours, sitting in that damn bed just thinking of how pissed I was at him. I just didn't like him, his character, the way dismissed everything, the 'cooler then you' thing, and it seemed like he was holding everything back. He didn't want to seem like someone with feelings, but I could pick up on that easily. His stupid little act didn't fool me. His face was a piece of art though. I wonder what he would be like if he didn't hide it all, someone like me, maybe. Someone like me who was weak and scared of the world ahead. I hated him; I absolutely hated that damn brit, his smile and those stupid British words, the way he held in his smiles, the way he didn't care.

Oh what am I saying?

I am hopelessly in love with Arthur Kirkland.

"Hey Alfred, come sit with us at lunch today!" Gilbert called down the hall, the last period before lunch. I had responded with an 'okay!'

It was nice having people who cared about me somewhat. I met a few other people who were in the little posy of punk kids, and I actually fit in pretty well. Well, my looks at least. It did appear the Arthur was the leader, which pissed me off but I admired at the same time. I usually bailed on afterschool and went with Liz and Gilbert places. We went shopping this one time, which was fun. Gil and I pretended to be stereotypical gays, and went around screaming at every dress we saw. Liz found it extremely entertaining. I had friends. I finally had friends.

Getting lunch, Liz stood in line next to me. "Hey, you know Arthur really likes you, right?" She said quietly, getting two milk cartoons, one strawberry and the other regular. I picked up the chocolate, and turned my head towards the Hungarian to get more food.

"Really? He acts like he hates me," I said, getting some salad in the tweezer-spoon thing, dumping the greens onto the light blue trey.

"That's how you know," Liz said with a giggle, "The more he likes you the more stuck up he acts, it's weird." I nodded as I poured the Italian dressing all of my salad. Really, the stuff here was crap, so I never got the meat or anything. Man I could really go for a burger, though.

"You don't like him very much, do you?" I almost burst out laughing. I liked what I saw of him so far, and I've had five crushes before, and constantly I drew them. This is what's happening with Arthur. I want to draw him, but I tell myself not too, that's weird. Imagine he found a big pile of drawings of him in my room that would be awkward.

"No, he's okay," I said with a shrug. Turning to Liz, she has an evil smile spread across her lips.

"What? Oh, no! No, no, no!" I put my hands up in defense, "I do not have a crush on Arthur!" I said it somewhat hushed so Arthur couldn't hear, but even if I screamed it I bet he still couldn't hear me.

"You do, don't you?" Liz cooed, we begun to walk back to our table.

"Nu uh!" I shook my head, "Gross."

"Oh my god!" Liz exclaimed, her face turning bright red in a smile, "You're totally crushing on him!"

"Am not, Liz!" I hissed under my breath, avoiding her gaze.

"Aw, you're even blushing!" Liz chirped, I groaning in response and pushing my hood up. Pulling on the string it sealed around my face, "That's how you spill your lunch." Liz then said, pushing the hood back open with her hands.

"I am not in love with Arthur!" I proclaimed again, this time more stern, "I am not in love with him, and I never will be!" My words were invading my thoughts, truly making me think I wasn't in love with him. Well, sorta, I still knew I was.

"Oh, Alfie, you know you are!" Liz cooed, pinching my cheek, balancing her tray in one hand, "His house is really close to yours, too!"

"It is?" I said confused.

"Yeah! Number fifteen, duh. Even says Kirkland on the mail box," Liz said like it was well known information.

"If you have forgotten I really only go out with you and Liz, maybe we went somewhere together with Arthur once! Not like I stalk the bastard."

"Oh god you're still blushing!"

"Liz, cut it out!" I groaned again, shuffling my feet against the floor. We both went quiet for a while.

"Okay, fine, I'm in love with Arthur," I muttered quietly, the pressure of silence eating away at my brain, "Or, at least I think I am!" I said quickly before Liz could speak.

"Aww!" Just what I thought, "That's so sweet! It's like a movie!"

"Not really," I murmured, "People have crushes all the time, they go away eventually."

"Oh no, Jones! You are not ignoring this; you need to get on the love train with Arthur before it leaves the station for good!" Liz poked me in the chest, hard.

"I don't know Liz; I don't even like talking to him. He makes me feel awkward, and anyways he'd never date a guy like me. He's too punk rock to ever like me," My own words started to eat away at the little torn fragments of my heart. I swallowed. That's its Alfred; Arthur would never love you, cut it out.

"Aw, don't be like that Alfie," Liz said quietly, looking up at me sadly.

"I'm not trashing myself! I'm just saying, well, you know, I don't think I'm his type," My shoulders dropped, I knew I was trashing myself. What am I kidding; I really didn't even like myself that much.

"Trust me, Arthur's easy to please! Me and Gil can help," Liz said quietly. I shook my head.

"No, its fine, thanks though," I said softly.

"Okay, if you insist Alfie, but if you need me ever, don't be afraid to ask." We had finally reached my table after what seemed like hours. I sat across from Arthur, and Liz sat next to me, gently elbowing me in the rib.

"Hey, Al, want a lollie?" Arthur said quietly, "I have a few."

"Uh, sure, got any of the root beer ones?" I asked, tapping my fingers on the table. Arthur slid over the brown packaging with the stick pointing outwards. I popped it in my mouth, "Don't you get in trouble for having these damn things all the time?"

"Sometimes," Arthur said with a shrug, "depends on the teacher." Liz elbowed me again, a soft smile on her face.

"Cut it out," I muttered with a smile, Liz giggling quietly in return.

"Oh, hey guys, I was wondering-," Arthur said, Liz, Gilbert, a few of the other males and I drawing attention towards the brit, "You guys, maybe wanna have a party at my place on Friday? Like, sleep over and stuff you know."

"Of course, dude!" Gilbert said loudly, Liz nodding in response. A few of the others nodded.

"Alright, it's settled, sleep over at my place, and get there at five," Arthur slid the lollipop out of his mouth.

"Alfred can come, right?" Liz said loudly, hugging me close. I felt her breasts on my shoulder and swallowed down the urge to whimper.

"'course," Arthur said, turning. Liz and I smiled at each other.

"Why don't you ever hug me like that?" Gilbert laughed, Liz gawking and hitting him across the face. I laughed quietly.

"Dad!" I shouted upon getting home, he had the day off, and his truck was there.

"Hey Al," my father said from the kitchen. I dropped my bag on the floor and quickly hurried to the noise.

"How was school?" My dad asked, not taking any attention to me.

"Cool I guess," I said with a shrug, "But, dad, I got invited to a sleep over on Friday! Can I go?"

"You? Sleep over? Wow, I thought maybe you'd wanna stay home on Friday and eat nutella," My dad laughed at his comment while I frowned, "Sure Alfred, go knock yourself out."

"Yes!" I whispered to myself. Hope I don't embarrass myself. I don't think I will, the group of kids are extremely friendly towards me, so I think I should be fine. I headed up stairs. With a sigh, I plopped on my bed and called Liz.

"Hello?"

"Oh, hi Liz."

"Alfred! Hey, did your dad say yes?"

"Yeah, he said I can. Arthur doesn't have any drugs at his parties, right?"

"No, it's a boring party; we just drink iced tea and watch movies."

"Chocolate?" I laughed asking, Liz making a kiss noise with her lips.

"Hey maybe you can bring those big jars of nutella there, you'll be there hero of the party," Liz and I chuckled, "Hey, I can give you a dating tip if you want too!"

"Liz!" I groaned, "I'm fine!"

"Well I'm just gonna say Arthur really likes the band Sex pistols, you should buy it for the man," I then heard Liz squeak and a loud thump on the phone. It hurt my ears, and Liz's voice quickly returned.

"Sorry, dropped my phone!" Liz nervously giggled, "Hey, Al, I gotta go. Don't forget, Nutella and sex pistols."

"Got it Liz, over and out!"

"Roger that!" Liz hung up the phone. The radiation had turned my ear warm but disappeared quickly.

I was pumped for Friday. I walked to one of those storage stores, where they sold everything in packs, and was able to easily locate the large bottle of chocolaty spread between the concrete floors. I looked through the CD's for Arthur, finding a Coldplay album and wanting to buy it. I didn't, though, and instead I countuied to look for the band. I finally found the CD for Sex pistols, which I paused to look at and study the plastic case. It really did look like an Arthur kind of band. I bought the two items, the two objects being so different I felt weird buying them.

I had been getting ready for the party. My dad knew I was going, but he was gone for the day at work. I should still leave him a note. I wasn't going to pack much, but I had a pillow, a night shirt, hairbrush (I like keeping my hair beautiful) and an extra pair of boxers. Plus the nutella and the CD I bought for Arthur, which was now neatly wrapped. The night had already gotten cold, since winter was slowly creeping up. God, I hated winter, please don't snow. The nutella jar was really heavy too. But, I was fairly strong so it didn't bother me too much.

Yup, Liz was right; the mailbox did read 'Kirkland'. My doubts about this being his house disappeared as I walked up the stone trail to his porch. He had a pretty large house from the outside. Not too big, but it looked like it still took a decent amount of money to purchase.

I knocked on the door, the wood creaking from under my fist. I waited a few moments before the door unlocked and opened. One green eye met mine through the space in the door.

"Oh, Al, you're early," Arthur opened the door the rest of the way open, a kind smile on his face. His eyes fluttered down to the giant nutella jug as he exclaimed a "Holy shit!"

"Oh, uh, Liz told me to pick some up," I said quietly, "Can I come in?"

"Course, Should I take that?" Arthur asked, pointing to the nutella jar.

"Nah, it's okay, I got it, where should I put it?" My knuckles had turned white from carrying it for so long, but it really wasn't that heavy. I followed Arthur into his kitchen after shutting the door behind me with my foot. I set the tub on the kitchen table.

"Don't worry about not finishing, I can easily swallow like half of that in five minutes," I said with a quiet laugh.

"Oh, hey, I need your help on something," Arthur said, grabbing my wrist and pulling me into his living room. The carpet was a light brown, the chairs and sofas also being lightly colored. Looked cozy in here, and it was pretty big. A large TV sat against a wall, it resting on a stand with a large cabinet in it. Arthur sat cross-legged in front of it, patting the space next to him motioning me to sit down. I did, and as I did, the Brit opened the cabinets.

"I need help on picking a movie," He said quietly, "I've heard back in America everybody's really into movies, unless I'm just stereotyping you."

"Nah, I know a good few things on movies, unless there all British movies I've never heard of," Arthur laughed at that even though I wasn't joking. I continued talking, "Got any horror movies?"

"Oh yeah, I've got the shuttered room, a few others I think," Arthur said pawing at the packages.

"No, no! I mean like, Nightmare on elm street, Friday the thirteenth," Arthur stared blankly at me, "Okay, even if you live in England you must be living under a fucking rock because those movies are big time." I laughed.

"How about, uh, Carrie? Blair Witch Project? Haunting in Connecticut?" Arthur shook his head, "C'mon! I'm running out of movie ideas!"

"Well, how about this, it looks American-y," Arthur muttered, his brow knitting together. He slid a movie case out of the cabinet. He presented it to me.

"Now we're talking!" I shouted, taking the movie in my hands, "The woman in black, perfect!"

"You've seen it?" Arthur asked, cocking his head to the side. I shook my head.

"I've heard its good though, and look, Harry Potter," I smiled pointing to the main actor on the cover. Arthur laughed, "It's no nightmare on Elm Street, but it'll do."

"Okay, so you wanna watch this?" Arthur said, taking the DVD back and placing it on top of the stand.

"Do you?" I said, redirecting the question towards him again.

"I don't mind, whatever you want," Arthur shrugged, placing his hand on my shoulder, "Jeez you're warm."

"Anyone tell you? I need to stay warm because I'm cold blooded, look how pale I am!" We both laughed, "Either that or a vampire." I stood up, helping the Brit to his feet soon after.

"You're not that pale," Arthur said, "I think you've been getting some more sunlight since you met Liz and Gilbert."

"And you," I added.

"And me, and look, feel," Arthur started pinching at my biceps, "They've gotten harder since I first met you. But that wasn't too long ago."

"Yeah, I guess they have," I muttered, "I used to be pretty strong."

"What happened, then?" Arthur said. I glared at him, and then his eyes widened "Oh, yeah, that. Sorry."

I followed Arthur awkwardly into the kitchen, "I'm surprised you didn't throw yourself with trying to improve once they started bullying you," Arthur said, opening the fridge and taking out a few drinks, looking back at me he softly murmured, "I feel like you're the kind of person who tries to prove people wrong."

"I was, I guess," I sighed, "Just after moving, I was already upset, and the bullies pushed me further. Plus I was taught not to fight back, so I mean-."

"No, Alfred, not like that, like, mentally challenge them," Arthur said quietly. I shrugged.

"Don't worry about it, Arthur."

"Well I'm going to," Arthur muttered, "I'm afraid they're going to hurt you, badly." He took my arms.

"I don't ever remember you caring," I muttered. Arthur frowned.

"I care," He said, "I've cared since I met you. I just act like that because it's me." Arthur narrowed his eyes as mine fluttered away.

"Well, sorry," I mumbled, pulling away.

"Don't be," Arthur grunted quietly, and then leaned forward and gave me an extremely awkward hug. My insides exploded. Even though I was much larger then he was, it almost felt as if Arthur was holding me. His touch was very gentle, gentle to what I'm used to, but yet matched his personality with the smoothness.

"Thanks I guess, nobody has hugged me in a while," I rubbed my elbow carelessly. Arthur nodded.

"Felt the need to do it, you seem broken," Arthur sighed, pushing his hair back and turning back towards the counter. His words hit me directly in the heart. I almost cried, but of course I never did. I had demanded the hot tears to hold back before they even reached the brim of my eye. Because he was right, even though I had some things going for me, I was broken. No duct tape could fix that, no amount of attention could fix it, I was permanently messed up.

"You can go sit down if you want, I'll join you in a minute," Arthur said, snapping me out of my sad trance.

"Oh, oh yeah," I swallowed, "Thanks." I walked back into the living room, taking off my boots by the door. I sat on the couch, tucking in my legs to the side. It was comfy, all I need is a blanket and I would be happy. But I was at someone else's home, so that wasn't happening. Arthur plopped on the couch next to me moments later. That's when I remembered the CD I got him.

"Oh, hey, I got you, uh, something," I said quietly, Arthur's attention turning toward me. I slipped my bag off my shoulder, digging through it for the CD. My fingers fumbled over the smooth plastic as I got a grip on it and pulled it out.

"Liz said you liked Sex pistol, so I thought maybe I should get a CD for you," I said, holding out the square object. Arthur shot me a look, as if he was saying 'I can have that?' Arthur gently took it from my hands, opening it to take a look at the CD and read the songs on the back. He looked like a hungry animal stalking an animal, the way he slowly looked it over. Then Arthur smiled extremely wide, a sigh of relief escaping my throat.

"Alfred! This is awesome! Thank you!" He held the case to his chest, "I've wanted one of their CD's for so long, this is great!" Arthur's eyes lit up like a child, and too my pleasure he hugged me again, tighter this time. After he calmed down, looking at the back, he frowned.

"Nineteen dollars?" He asked, "You didn't need to spend that much money on me."

I shrugged, "Well I did."

"Thank you, again," Arthur smiled with that, "I'm gonna go put it away so I don't damage it."

"Sounds good," I said as Arthur ran off to put the CD away. The hurry of feet up the stairs was heard through the entire house. I sighed. That was one of the best feelings ever, seeing grumpy old Arthur smile like that.

Then a knock at the door and quiet giggling. I knew it was Liz; her laugh was extremely recognizable at this point. I'm sure Arthur didn't mind if I answered the door.

Creaking the door ajar, to my surprise nobody was there. Opening the door further, I stepped outside. Was I just hearing things? I swore I heard Liz…

"Boo!" The sudden scream scared me as I tumbled back, "Got ya Alfred!" I rolled my eyes with a laugh.

"Very funny Liz."

"Gilbert would have scared you too but he's off cue," Her foot went back into one of the bushes as I heard a loud 'Ow!' and an injured Gilbert crawl out of the bushes.

"How's it going Gil?" I said plainly, the German giving me thumbs up. Looking down the street, two other boys, who if I remember correctly were named Archie and Thom, waved hi to me. I waved back immediately.

"C'mon you guys you're going to let the bugs in!" I said pushing Liz inside, Gilbert soon following. The other two started a sprint and got inside before I shut the door.

"Oh hey look the party bus arrived," Arthur laughed, walking down the stairs.

"You bring the nutella?" Liz whispered to me quietly for some unknown reason.

"How could I forget," I whispered back, "P.S. just gave the CD to Arthur, over and out," I then made a 'Pssht' with my lips signaling the fuzz on a walkie-talkie.

"Okay, well, Al and I already picked out a movie, you know the deal, shits in the kitchen," Arthur said with a laugh, directing to the white room with his hands.

As the group hurried into the kitchen, Liz blurted out, "Holy fucking Nutella, Alfred!" I laughed and walked after them.

Arthur thankfully had a root beer waiting for me in the fridge for the movie. He said he figured I liked root beer because whenever he asked if I wanted a lollipop I always said root beer. Arthur and I were special; we were the only two with bottled drinks, mine being root beer and his an orange soda. Once we were finished with getting our drinks Arthur and Gilbert collected blankets and pillows from upstairs, making the living room even cozier. Arthur slipped the DVD into the player and fiddled with the television a bit before the movie started, and Gilbert switched off the lights. Wrapping himself in a blanket along with Liz, Gilbert and Liz cuddled for a moment to get situated and then went still. Arthur plopped down next to me.

"Do you mind?" He whispered, taking the edge of the blanket that was on my shoulders indicating that we could share. I felt a smile coming on but I resisted the urge, and Arthur took the other side of it, wrapping it around his shoulders. I started getting over confident in thoughts, thinking that he may be liked me back. The idea made me smirk. Turning to Liz, she was doing sexual things at me with her hands. I laughed silently at her.

The movie started. It was kind of boring at first, but I amused myself for the most part with the 'harry potter' thing. Once the main character, who was ironically named Arthur (Arthur and I had shared giggles previously) enter the house where the ghost was supposed to live, I felt fear creeping up on me, but the feeling washed over once Arthur's fingers sealed around my arm tightly. Oh shit, he's depending on me sorta, damn that's cute. But once the jump scare came up we all jumped with a quiet 'oh!' Arthur clinging to me for a few moments before letting go. One part during the movie Archie screamed; "Harry! Take out your wand!" By the end of the film we were all crying. Spoiler alert, harry dies. The screen faded to black for a few moments, and then I heard Liz scream: "What the hell kind of ending was that?"

We quietly discussed the movie afterwards, and even though the ending sucked the movie it was okay.

"It wasn't that scary, in my opinion," Arthur said bluntly, I burst out laughing.

"Says the man who was clinging to me!"

"Shut it you!"

Afterward we all hurried upstairs to Arthur's room. Not much to my surprise, his room was sparkling clean, but posters littered the walls from different bands. I recognized a few, Sex Pistol, The Beatles, and to my surprise he even had a Coldplay poster. His room smelt faintly like honey tea. The carpet being a light blue.

"Okay, don't yell to loud we might wake up my parents. Alright, anyone need blankets?" Arthur asked, taking the blankets off his bed, "I have like, three, but there pretty big and I think we can share.

"I need one," I said quietly, Gilbert also saying he needed one.

"Alright so we need two, counting me," Arthur smiled, "Glad you guys have learned to bring sleeping bags. Well, besides you Gil." Gilbert glared at him. I put my pillow on the floor closest to Arthur's bed, since I wanted to stay as warm as possible. Arthur laid down on his stomach next to me.

"How goes it?" Arthur said in a joking tone, his legs swinging behind him.

"Pretty good," I said, "Is it okay if I sleep with my shirt off? I mean..!"

"Yeah, it's fine, we're all guys here," Arthur said with a shrug, "Well, and I'm not sure what Liz is anymore." I heard the Hungarian huff and throw a pillow forcefully down on Arthur's face.

Taking off the pillow, I held back laughter as Arthur evilly glared back up at Liz. "You wanna play that way?"

The two ended up in a full blown pillow fight, the rest of us cheering them on. It was fun to say that Liz totally owned Arthur. She had already knocked him down and sat on top of him, giving him a full beating with the pillow. Dropping the pillow, I thought Liz was done.

"Oh ho, Arthur I've gotten you to surrender, but I know your weakness!" Liz said, smiling. We all fell silent.

"Oh yeah? Well, what is it-," Arthur suddenly froze, his eyes widening, "Oh no Liz! No, no, no!"

"It's tickle time, Artie!" Liz cooed evilly. Arthur begged with her some more, but no use; she already had Arthur cracking up on the floor. He screamed a few stop's and no's, but Liz didn't give out. It looked like she was chocking him, but with less coughing and more smiling. I wanted to jump in and save him, but yet at the same time it was really funny. We all laughed, but Arthur's laughter was easily louder than ours.

"Okay, old man, I'm done!" Liz laughed, putting up her hands, "but give me a lollipop."

"D-Downstairs, kitchen," Arthur gasped, breathing heavily, "Get off."

"Got it sir Kirkland," Liz saluted and got off of Arthur and marched down the stairs.

"Wow, didn't know you were ticklish, Arthur," Gilbert teased in a sing-song-voice as Arthur came to sit down again.

"She's just, good at tickling," Arthur hissed, crossing his arms and huffing. He impatiently tapped his foot to signify his frustration.

"Yeah right, Arthur," Archie laughed. Arthur's nostrils flared, just like an angry dog's, and gritted his teeth together. The two mocking teens started to piss me off as well.

"Hey man, its fine, I'm pretty ticklish too," I said quietly, patting his shoulder, trying to reassure the pissed Brit. Arthur sighed heavily and shrugged.

After Liz came back up with a lollipop in her mouth, I very carefully took off my shirt, and pushed up the blanket I had been given to cover my body, keeping my wrists glued to my sides. I think Arthur sensed my unease, and frowned at me.

"Really, Alfred?" Arthur grunted, rolling his eyes.

"Hm, what?"

Arthur angrily huffed. My mind tracing over his original sentence, I then realized Arthur had trouble saying my name like I did because of his accent. He always took too long of a pause to say 'al'. I smirked at him once the thought popped into my head that he had trouble saying it, and had to force himself to say my name correctly.

"You say my name funny," I muttered with a laugh.

Arthur's eyes widened, "Excuse me?"

"You say my name weird," I repeated, "like you have trouble saying Al or something."

"Oh um, I sorta do," Arthur said with a shrug, "I've been working on it though."

"What would my name sound like if you said it without trying so hard?"

Arthur said my name without hesitation like he normally did, but instead this time the A in my name was more guttural, more like a U. Basically, he said 'Ulfred' but still a hint of the A. I held back a smile as Arthur frowned. Goddamnit, that was adorable! And funny, but pretty damn cute. He can't even say my name because of that accent, and he had been trying so hard to say it, and when he said it naturally it just sounded cute.

"See? Sounds weird," Arthur said, rubbing his knees together, "I'm working on it, don't worry."

"No way dude, don't force yourself to say my name, you can call me whatever really," I said simply, like it was no big deal. It wasn't, really. Arthur's accent just adorably affected the way he said my name.

"But it's your name," Arthur said, "Names are special."

"Your technically saying my name, just your accent effects it," I muttered.

"My accent? Your accent! You're in Britain!" Arthur said loudly, but then quieted down, "So you really don't mind if I say it like that?"

"S'fine," I said with a shrug. Suddenly, coldness chilled my bare chest, the blanket no longer wrapped around it. I whimpered in surprise, Arthur dropping the blanket to the side.

"Don't be so shy," Arthur growled. Then his eyes met with my chest, "Holy shit, have you ever considered waxing that?" My eyes widened at the comment, as I quickly looked down at my chest. The small, curly strands of hair stuck out of my chest, but since they were so blonde they really didn't stick out well.

"Uh, well, doesn't that hurt?" I swallowed, "You can't really see them, either…"

And in no time Liz was holding a roll of duct tape and Arthur was flattening the silver thing over my chest, the stickiness already bothering the skin underneath it. The other five had crowded around me.

"Um, is it possible that my nipple could be ripped off?" I said quietly, shaking slightly.

"Don't think so," Arthur murmured, flattening out the spaces.

Thom ignored Arthur's attempt to reassure me, "I saw this video clip on TV that one guy got his nipple ripped of by the same thing!"

"Are we even supposed to do this with duct tape?" I asked nervously.

Ignoring my comment, Gilbert added; "I wonder if nipples can grow back."

"Why do boys even have nipples?" Liz said in a huff, "They don't really need them!"

"Now Liz honey, we all know why men need nipples," Arthur said quietly, turning towards her, "So just in case there gay they can turn there partner on." Arthur smirked.

"Oh well that's not good for me," I said with a nervous giggle.

"Okay, think its good," Arthur said, "This may hurt a little, you can squeeze my arm if you want," Arthur held up his arm close to mine afterwards.

"Do it Artie!" Gilbert screamed, as Arthur shot a terrible look at him. Arthur's fingers fumbled for an edge of the duct tape that wasn't too attached to my skin, and upon finding it pinching the edge. Arthur sighed as I could get his nervous energy colliding with mine.

"Oh c'mon Arthur, I know you don't want to hurt him but-," Then the worst stinging quickly ripped over my skin. Intense burning squeezing tears out of my eyes, clenching Arthur's wrist as tight as possible. The pain burned from my skin onto my chest, causing complete agony throughout my whole upper body. I screamed pretty loud, a low, guttural scream, the pain bubbling from my throat.

"Alfred?" Arthur said quietly once the pain subsided into a tingling pain, and only burnt in certain areas at certain moments.

"Well his nipple's still there," Archie said quietly.

"Sorry Alfred," Liz murmured, "Should we continue, shouldn't we do the other si-?"

To my surprise, Arthur answered her before I could, even cutting her off, "No!"

We all stared at him, even me who had uncontrollable tears falling down.

"Not, not that I care, or anything!" Arthur huffed, crossing his arms, "Well I do, but, uh..."

"C'mon, Al, let's go put something on that," Liz said like a mom trying to comfort there child. I got up slowly and followed her into Arthur's bathroom.

She sat me down on the toilet seat. "Okay, let's see, what does Arthur have for burns?" Liz muttered quietly, sliding the two doors on the mirror above the sink aside. She searched through the cabinets as I looked down at my chest; the area where the duct tape had been was beet red.

"Okay, well I guess this works," Liz said, "This should make it feel better." She stepped towards me, shaking the short bottle. It read 'burn spray' which the pain I felt did feel much like a burn, so I guess maybe it would work. Taking off the cap, she bent down and sprayed up and down the area. The stuff was cold, and I could feel it bubbling over the sensitive skin. It felt nice, the cold quickly concurring the heat, relief spreading through my body.

"Oh, that feels better," I sighed, my back relaxing and I slouched over slightly. Liz smiled.

"That's good," She laughed, "Sorry I ripped it off early."

"It was coming off one way or another," I laughed, whipping away a few old tears from my face.

"Oh, hey, what's that?" Liz said gently, reaching out for my arm.

"Hm?" I said, looking at her. That's when it hit me, she noticed my scars. Panic shot through my body, "No!" I screamed afterward, taking my wrist and holding it close it my chest. Liz was shocked by my sudden action, and since she really hadn't seen me be anything but gentle with things.

"Alfred?" She said quietly, "You alright?"

"Just, just don't touch my arms, okay?" I muttered, regretting my decision to yell, feeling bad for her, even though from what I've heard she was extremely tough.

"Alfred, honey, let me see," Liz muttered, reaching out very softly, coaxing my arm out into hers. She slowly took my arm, staring at my wrists for a moment, until gasping softly. "Alfred!" She shocked me with a tight hug, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. I very cautiously hugged her back, my arms pushing her closer.

"I know, you're going to tell everyone, right?" I murmured the regret of even taking my shirt off in the first place setting in. With that my dad would know, and then he'd yell at me for doing it and take away my razor. Just making me want to cut more and have nothing to go too. Jesus Christ, Alfred, why do you have to be such a damn idiot? You should have known better, I mean, there was nothing between the scars to block them out. Now everyone was going to get nosy and into it all. I wish people didn't get to into my life, not this much.

"No," Liz muttered quietly. Oh, well then, Liz gets it, "I won't tell, that's your job to do," Liz corrected it so I was looking her in the eyes, "But you need help, honey. And they'll find out one way or another."

I swallowed. She was right. Hiding it would do for now, but they'd find out, and I bet they wouldn't be very happy with me for lying to them. I was cornered. There was no easy way out of this one, either take A chance and hide or tell them. But, Liz handled it okay, so why couldn't they? I'd just wait a little longer.

"You hang in there, okay?" Liz muttered softly, patting my head, "It must be hard, I should have known." I nodded briefly, unable to respond. I was relieved that she understood, like she was looking deep into my thoughts. She knew I hated people in my business. She knew not to yell at me. She knew to try and help me without telling someone. I liked that. I liked her; she was probably my best friend out of the group. Which I wish Arthur could be, but I was with Liz more because I was afraid to ask Arthur to go places with me. The one time we had alone together being friends, was earlier today.

We walked back. On the way back she patted my shoulder. "You good?"

"I'm good," I responded with a smile, feeling a bit better. Liz understood me well, and I felt like I finally had someone that would listen to my problems without telling and spreading it around. She smiled.

"Hun, if you need anything, just come to me, alright?" Liz said quietly before entering the room, "I'm already Arthur's stalker trying to get information to give to you."

I laughed quietly, "Thanks. But you don't have to stalk Ar-."

"Nope! I have to! I'm getting you two together! I'm your wingman with boobs!"

"Hey guys," Liz said as she walked in, me quickly following. Once getting back in the room, I dived for my bag, quickly pulling out the sweater I had on previously and pulled it on. The fabric brushed against my chest, irritating it. I leaned up against Arthur's bed afterwards. The boys were quietly talking in the other corner of the room.

Liz leaned against the bed next to me. She shot a look at me. "Oh, I'm not taking any chances," I said, "Plus I like it being warm."

"Oh." I think Liz understood that it was that people would notice the scars and the fear of getting duct tape ripped off my body again threatened me.

"Hey," Arthur muttered, walking into Liz's and I's short conversation, "You, eh, put your hoodie back on, sorry."

"Sorry?"

"For getting the idea to rip off your chest hair."

"Well, it's mostly gone now, so thanks," I said with a shrug, "I can just shave off the rest."

"Yeah, but that hurt pretty damn bad, didn't it?" Arthur said with a soft chuckle, sitting down on the other side of me.

"No duh Arthur," Liz said, her voice deepening. Arthur shot her an improving look. It was funny; whenever Arthur looked at anyone whenever he was annoyed by them you could clearly see the pure irritation in his expression, mixed with an immaturity. It seemed that Arthur's anger came from his immaturity; he wanted to have that 'old man' attitude because it was expected from him, and had gotten funny as it went on. At first you would think it's him being a jackass, but to him, Liz, Gilbert, and now me, it was all a small inside joke.

I knew I wasn't close with Arthur, more so Liz and even Gilbert, because whenever I was around him we had that awkward politeness while talking. Since we got along very well, even though we were still awkward, Arthur and I had the potential of being best friends, or, possibly boyfriends, which I still wanted really badly. I wasn't one to show most feelings, since I hardly ever cried, it was easy to hold back for now. For now. That echoed in my head. How long could I keep this up? Hopefully Arthur and I would get closer, and then he'd get more comfortable with me. How would I hold back then? What would I do then? Well, I do deal with complete assholes almost every day and hold back screaming at them, that must be harder than falling in love.

Right?

It must be, how hard could loving someone really be?

Man I ask some loser questions, I really got to get more social.

I woke up that morning feeling like shit. I was incredibly drowsy, but not the first one up. Cold air surrounded me once taking off the blanket, the blanket releasing my body heat it had been storing all night. I shuttered, quietly making my way across the room, Thom and Gilbert still being asleep. I didn't see Arthur, Liz, or Archie, so I got confused on what to do. Not that confused though, because my brain was still tired and wasn't thinking properly. I snuck out of Arthur's room, looked around quickly, and then figured they would be downstairs. My thoughts were right, as Arthur and Liz sat on the couch.

"Good morning," I said, taking a seat next to Arthur.

"Good morning," He said back, "What time did you tell your dad you'd be back? It's already twelve."

"Twelve?" I gasped, "Oh dear god, I have to go! Dad's gonna freak!" I quickly sprinted upstairs not waiting for a response, snapping out of drowsiness. Dad hated it when I was late, and my awesome night was not going to be spoiled by that. Not even being careful not to wake the others, I grabbed my bag and quickly went back downstairs.

"Uh, Alfred?" Liz softly murmured crossing her legs.

"Sorry, I really have to go, bye guys," I said, sitting down and slipping on my boots, "Tell the others I said bye."

"Bye, we gotta do this again!" Arthur said in a small laugh, Liz waving. And with that, I took off out of Arthur's house and down the street, not even bothering to tie my boot laces.

"Alfred, you're late," Was the first thing my dad said to me upon opening the door.

"Sorry, I overslept; I rushed here as fast as possible, though!"

"Al, you have to get better sleeping habits, that's all you do all day," My dad said in a mutter, "and eat chocolate, cut it out."

"You don't even seem happy that I have friends," I muttered under my breath, about to go upstairs, leaving my father sitting on the couch, "Finally happy and you don't give a fuck."

"Excuse me?" My dad said harshly from the living room. How the hell did he even hear me? I ignored him, irritation filling my head. I quickly went into my room and locked the door.

"May I remind you why I broke up with your mother, Alfred?" He screamed from down stairs. I sighed, sitting on my bed. I do remember, he flipped out because mom had been late so many times, plus he was drunk, so my mom fought back like a respectful person would. But, I'm mad at her kind of, I'm not even sure if she felt bad for me going with my dad. Oh well, she was still fun. We had this family reunion every year; I missed last year because my dad didn't want me to go. And this family reunion was probably the highlight of my life. I got to see everybody who mattered to me, and we went to Italy for a week and stayed in this really nice hotel. But, it's in the summer, which sucks because winter just started.

My dad must be drunk, too. He's usually sarcastic with me, but today he was stricter. Either he's really mad, or just had something to drink. I curled up in my bed. Great, the rest of the weekend would be pretty damn boring. I gave consideration to cut, but I really didn't feel to upset, and I really should only save it for that.

I guess I'll draw, then. Maybe test out ways to make Arthur's eyes- wait, my colored pencils were downstairs, shit.

Ah shit, of course it ended up looking like Arthur.

I sighed. This is why people bully me. I'm a freaky weird stalker kid. There was something though, that no matter how many times I denied it, I could not get something about Arthur out of my head. This wasn't a healthy crush, I actually loved him. Not that I thought about him directly, more that I wasn't aware that I was. It had been a constant thought that maybe Arthur liked me back, not like I liked him, less obsessive like I was. He did sit next to me every time we were together, and he saved me from getting that duct tape ripped off my skin again, and the way he clung to me while we were watching the movie. Ah, who knows, maybe he does? Maybe I have a chance? At least a tiny chance. Who knows, maybe I could do something right for once.

My phone buzzing distracted me from my thoughts. I picked it up off my nightstand. Text from Gilbert.

_Hey, Liz told me u have a crush on the grumpy Brit! ;) 3 3 3_

Liz, are you kidding.

My fingers danced against the touchscreen surface, typing the quick message; _She told u? Don't tell Arthur or I'll kill you!_

Bzzt

_Don't worry dude, I won't. Maybe I can help ya though, you can have two wingmen!_

I guess it wouldn't be that bad; Okay_, cool. Thanks Gil, but I got it under control._

I swear I heard Gilbert's laughing, _But you're gonna need backup! Arthur's been extra grumpy since his breakup with his last boyfriend, and you're just the right guy for him. We need it as much as you, man._

I rolled my eyes. Yeah right.

_K, thanks Gil, I gotta go. Text ya later._

Bzzt, _Oh, here's the guy's phone number! Stop being so lonely and eating chocolate, get to know him! Maybe sext with him a little. _Gilbert sent a bunch of wink faces and hearts with that, along with Arthur's phone number. I laughed a bit. I guess now I could talk to him, like I had the guts to it. I plugged my headphones in soon after, turning on some music.

**_Authors Note__**

Look, a fanfiction! Okay, this is the first (very long) chapter of my USUk human AU! Thing. I'm not a very good writer, but I've planned pretty well for this so it should be an okay story! Not all the chapters will be this long, though. It's also rated M for sensitive material, cussing and yES, SMUT. If you feel too pressured reading this much shit, this is on my dA (goldenlab2000) is cut up into two.

Well, Alfred's POV, and he's a nerd. Hopefully I don't fall into big plot holes. Might be awhile until the next.

Also, this isn't one of those one-sided fan fiction things, those hurt me too much to keep up for too long.

Well thanks for reading, since this is my first posting, I'm a bit scared .-.


	2. Chapter 2

It rained again on Monday. Of course, my dad took the umbrella to work. Did he truly even care? I hated the cold and he knew it, but didn't seem to care. Maybe he wasn't thinking and forgot. Since I was already in a bad mood, finding out that Liz was out sick ticked me off more. Gilbert and I talked for most of the die, since Arthur had classes on the opposite side of the school. He kept asking how I really had a crush on Arthur, to the part where it began to get annoying.

"I head Arthur like strong guys," Gilbert had said, "And guys he can control in sex, I'm pretty sure you already have that quality though." He had snickered and a smile came across my face. Gilbert also added how he had a gym membership and he could sneak me in a few times to get more in shape to please my crush, which got me excited like a little school girl, and thus we made a deal on it. Maybe having two little henchmen to help me with my Arthur obsession wasn't too bad after all.

After school, I was shocked to see that the day wasn't that bad. After I had gathered my stuff, I hurried to finally get home. I walked out the gym entrance though, to see if Arthur and Co. were there. Nope, no one. I hadn't seen Arthur all day, and for the most part I kind of missed him. Maybe I'd call him later tonight, make plans or something. I walked pass Chris and his friends who were sitting just outside school property. Chris called me a faggot as I huffed and picked up speed. I shot them a small glance of pure hatred.

And that short glance was just enough time to catch me off guard, trip, and fall strait into Chris' girlfriend's breasts. She shrieked, loudly, as I picked myself off, blushing like mad. Not that it was hot or anything, I was gay, it was just an 'oh shit' moment. Right as she screamed, I felt the pit in my stomach drop as my legs tensed up to run. But that was too late; Chris had me by the collar now.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He shouted. I swallowed. I tripped into your girlfriends boobs, that's what I just did.

"I-I!" I quickly looked at his friends who were very gently smirking. They thought this was hilarious. Anger erupted through my chest, until I felt the cold sensation of the wall slammed onto my head. I whimpered, the pain going straight to my spine.

"You must be a sex freak, aren't you? Some sex crazed stalker!" Chris shouted. If I wasn't so scared, I would have rolled my eyes. Yeah, I tripped into your girlfriends boobs that suddenly make me a sex crazed maniac. And what man would even walk up to a girl they hardly know and randomly stick their face in there bra. Staring I guess would be normal if you were straight, but fuck I'm not even straight.

But as my thoughts jumped to 'what the hell' for just a moment, after wards Chris' fist hit me directly in the eye. No, not my eyelids, my actual eyes. Why the fuck didn't I blink? Isn't that a human reflex? Anyways, you don't even realize how bad this pain was. Getting punched alone made me cry, but this, this was a new kind of pain. Like, how you walk out of a movie theater and the sun burns your eyes? Yeah, it felt like that, but a thousand times worse.

I screamed the same deep howl I did when the duct tape was ripped off my skin a few nights ago, but I really dug deep for that one. Chris let go of my collar, which was the only thing keeping me standing, with a quiet; 'oh shit'. My eyes immediately clenched shut, as if apologizing for them being late on the blinking. I felt like the sun was literally trapped in my eye, tears squeezing out of the broken body part. I tried opening my eyes and it felt like they were closed shut by glue, but I did it anyways.

I couldn't see. Anything.

I mean, I could. It was all blurry though. And not like someone taking off my glasses blurry, I couldn't even make out the shape of things. A fear I had never felt before hit my stomach, making me want to throw up as my eyes shut again. My mouth being slightly opened, a tear made its way into my mouth. Instead of the salty taste I was expecting, it was warm, metallic, and heavy. Oh No.

"Shit, Chris, what did you do?"

"Too far! We're going to get suspended!"

"Let's bai-!"

Then I heard the loud, angry shout from down the direction I came. I was too distracted by my intense pain to bother figuring it out, but then I was comforted by an arm around my shoulder.

"Alfred? Are you okay?" It was Thom, surprisingly, "Your eyes are bleeding! Holy shit!"

"I-I can't see!" I said in a whimper, my lips forming into that about-to-cry expression, "I c-can't, it's all blurry and… Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

"Hey, man, it's okay, you'll be alright," Thom tried comforting me, but I was hardly paying attention to his words, it just all hurt so bad, and a throbbing migraine had formed in my head. I heard the faint sound of Arthur's screaming, then another male scream back, and a very gentle thud of the sound of flesh against flesh. I began to sob, my whole body shaking violently. It went from burning, to hard felt pain. I screamed in agony again as sharp stinging went from my eyes to what seemed like inside my head. I could feel the thickness of blood fall down my face. I could go blind, fuck that, I may die! With this unbearable pain, it was a likely thought that I could die.

"Arthur! Get a teacher!" Thom screamed above my head as he pushed me to his chest, then quieted down, "It's going to be okay, Alfred, they'll take you to a doctor and you'll be okay." Thinking back to that, it sounded more like he was trying to comfort himself. I don't think he expected my eye sockets to literally be crying out blood.

Around that time was when I passed out. I forget what happened between that; I think the last thing I heard was a female teacher, either that or my mind made it up. I really forgot a lot of what happened, the next thing I truly remember was my dad talking to the doctor. The room was completely white; I could tell you that, greys and whites. Really, that's all I could make out. Once I woke up a little more, I was terrified that my vision distortion wasn't because I was tired. I felt stiffness in my eyes, It was easy to keep the open, but something was pulling back at my eyeballs. I blinked a few times, trying to clear the feeling, but nothing. Also, the corners of my eyes were kind of sore whenever I moved my pupils.

"Dad?" I muttered quietly, turning my head to the sound of his voice, "Why can't I see still?" I squinted towards the two blurred figures.

"You okay, Al?" I heard my dad branch off from the doctor, as his image came closer. It was weird seeing like this but my hearing perfectly fine.

"Feel kind of funny, but yeah, I think I'm okay," I said, still trying to clear my eyes, "Why can't I see?" I repeated the question again.

"Oh," The doctor pushed my dad aside, "We had to perform surgery on your eye- it seems you had taken very bad injury to both of your retinas, your sight will get better slowly but it won't clear up completely."

"What he means is we're getting you glasses," My dad said plainly. I swallowed. Shit. No, I don't want those. I'll get made fun of, and plus I'll look ridiculous. "Apparently your sight was crappy in the first place, we should have gotten them a while back, but now it's mandatory. Sorry Al."

"What about contacts?" I whined.

"Nope, none of those either, they'll irate your eyes. Maybe in a year."

"Oh," I said quietly, "That's it, though? No medicine? No brain damage? Nothing else?"

"Nope, well, you'll have to have eye drops for the first few days of being home," The doctor said, "You damaged your tear duct pretty bad as well."

"Well, I mean, the boy was crying blood," My dad said sarcastically. I numbly slipped back down into the bed I was laying in as my dad countuied to talk. I knew I wasn't going back to school for a few days. That would be nice, a break. A short one, but a break. I was a bit worried, but since the doctor said I would be fine, I shouldn't worry too much. Maybe I could get contacts once my eyes healed further. Wait, didn't my dad say I had bad vision before? Doesn't that mean I didn't notice things very well? Maybe this glasses thing wasn't too bad, now maybe I could see things before tripping on them.

My dad brought me home in a wheel chair, probably because I couldn't see and the doctors didn't want me accidently walking into the highway. Very quiet car ride, I didn't feel the need to ask any more questions and neither did he. Once we neared a store for glasses and eye products, my dad brought up a conversation, a short one, but a conversation.

"So, your friends seem nice," He said, tapping the steering wheel.

"You met my friends?" I asked, a little shocked. Oh no, Arthur, Thom, and Archie both had their hair dyed, my dad hates that punk look. Maybe he'll force me to stop seeing them or-!

"Yeah, They're both nice kids."

I stared at him with my blurry vision, shocked.

"Questioned there clothing for a bit, but they were all very respectful. Nice choice, Alfred," My dad laughed, good thing he didn't know one of them was gay.

I shrugged, "I have good taste."

"So, the guy who punched you, he said you were checking out some girls boobs?"

"No! I just tripped into them!" The heat went to my face as my dad laughed.

"Wow, you have some pretty bad luck then."

We parked and my dad went inside, with a single "I'll be right back with your seeing instruments."

"Get something that's not nerdy! Like the topless ones!" I shouted at him as he closed the door, my dad shooting the thumbs up. Don't get me wrong, my dad wasn't a bad man. He just had a lot of issues. We were pretty cool most of the time if I did as he instructed, and my father wasn't too strict. His sarcasm pissed me off and his drinking habits were the last thing but healthy, but he was cool sometimes. We got along okay, he wasn't as nice as my mom though, and he felt less like my dad and more like a boy my age. This was good and bad at certain moments, because he was very irresponsible with taking care of me.

My dad came back shortly, jumping in the car and holding a bag in front of my face, "Hey, Al, can you see this?" He laughed as I pushed the bag away. He explained to me I couldn't put my new glasses on until I got home, which was when my eyes should be healed up from the surgery more. I agreed with him, since I wanted my new found awesome sight to be perfect when I first put them on. I was pumped, actually. Not to have glasses basically, but to see like everybody else. If my eyesight was bad before, I did see things differently, I wondered what things looked like with them on. Maybe I could capture art better now that I see well.

Once stopping the car in my driveway, I looked at my dad with a pouty face as he then gave me the bag, "Go crazy." My hand went straight into the white paper bag, fingers searching for the glasses since it was no use looking for them. I finally found them through all the padding, dropped the bag, and attempted to slide them on. I stabbed my eyebrow with one of the earpieces, but the second time I got them on. Right when I slid them on, my vision went from blurry to crystal clear.

"Holy shit!" I exclaimed. I was surprised my dad didn't yell at me for cursing, since he didn't like it, but he shook it off. "This is amazing!" I ran to the tree in our front yard, stroking the now detailed bark like crazy person. It was so detailed, the dots in the bark, the flakes and layers in the tree- Oh and the leaves! The veins were so much more detailed then before! I jumped around the yard like a jittery school girl, trying to take as much as I could in.

My dad made me dinner; I guess he felt bad for me getting punched, since it was pretty serious. I hope Chris got suspended for it, because he isn't very smart and I don't think he'd be able to talk his way out of it. I really hope his girlfriend didn't get in trouble, because I mean if I were a girl and someone twice the size of me suddenly crashed into my boobs, I'd be freaked out too. Thinking back to the incident, I started wondering about Arthur's very faint screaming in the background. I felt pretty happy that he was standing up for me, but then I remembered that awful body slam noise, and I could only hope Arthur wasn't affected.

I stayed home alone mainly for the next two nights. I had four days off, which was the whole week, so I basically had a full school vacation. My dad came home around twelve, which was when I was still up. We would say 'hi' and I'd usually go back and hide in my room for the rest of the night, obsessing over how I could now capture things better in my drawings. Liz texted me a few times, I told her what happened. Gilbert also asked if I was okay, and I thought about calling Arthur, but I was too nervous. I don't know why, I wasn't scared to talk to him; I was scared of his reaction to 'hey it's Alfred.'

On the third day, I just basically watched TV all day. We didn't have much anything good for me to snack on anymore, which illuminated all happiness in my mind. Wasn't that I had a food obsession, I just really liked the taste, it didn't make me feel better eating fatty things, it was just the taste that distracted me. And it was quite obvious I didn't eat over what I'm supposed to, since I'm still kind of skinny, but my stomach's really soft.

Ding!

The doorbell rang; thank god I wasn't just in my boxers like I normally was. It had gotten much colder since fall very fast, it was even supposed to snow tomorrow, which was a very early snow especially for London. I pawed for my glasses which were on the table and slid them on without the thought of embarrassment.

Arthur stood at the door, a scarf tightly wrapped around his neck. Upon opening the door, the freezing cold air hit me like a car.

"Oh, Um, hey Alfred," Arthur said, and I slightly smiled since he was still calling me 'Ulfred'.

"Oh hey, wasn't expecting you," I said with an obvious smile, "Come in, it's freezing." Arthur nodded, stepping inside. It was then my eyes locked with the bag he was carrying. Arthur sat down on my floor to untie his sneakers which were soaking wet from the previous rain. He proceeded to take off his scarf and sweater, but then looked at me as if saying 'Where do I put these?'

"Oh, I can take them," I said, taking the scarf and sweater from the Brit as he got up. I lazily laid them over the stars railing.

"Glasses, eh?" Arthur said with a smile. We both sat down on my couch.

"Yep," I said with a shrug, "Let the insults begin!"

Arthur giggled quietly, "Well, I think you look more adult in them."

"Oh, um, thanks?" I had no idea what he meant by that, how did they make me look adult? They were just things over my eyes.

"Chris messed up your eyes pretty bad, hm?" He said, I nodded, "Once I stopped screaming at those boys and saw that your eyes were bleeding, damn that was scary."

I shrugged, "Sorry Arthur."

"Don't need to be sorry, actually I'm sorry for not getting to you in time."

That confused me. Getting to me in time? I didn't expect him to save me; he's not my guardian angel or something. I'm starting to think Arthur looks down at me like I'm some innocence who needs help, well I'm not. I mean, I have been through a ton of shit, but that doesn't mean I need someone to constantly be bailing my ass out. I've been taking care of myself for two years now.

Fighting the urge to say 'I can take care of myself', I just shrugged. I guess I should be thankful, I would have been in pain a lot longer if they didn't come.

"Oh, Alfred, I got you something," Arthur said, taking out the bag I had been eyeing at, "Not much, but I felt bad for you, so I couldn't help it." Arthur handed me it. I opened it, seeing the medium sized box of chocolates staring back at me. Yes, Arthur, Thank you, how did you know I didn't have any chocolate left in the house?

"Thanks Arthur," I looked back up at him with a faint smile, "Just ran out of nutella, this is like a life saver."

"Good to hear," Arthur said with a small chuckle. Then I heard the loud bark from upstairs. Oh shit, Ala must be up. Arthur jumped slightly, and then eyed me. I heard the 'tap, tap' of my dogs footsteps down the stairs, and before I knew it her large snout was on my lap.

"I didn't know you had a dog," Arthur said quietly, "She's very big."

"Her name's Ala, she's a sweetheart don't worry," I said with a laugh, patting the dog's head as she went to go sit down, "She's been my only company for about two years."

"That's a bit sad."

"Yep, it is."

"Well, you have us now," Arthur said with a smile, patting my back.

"Yeah, I do," I said, my own smile growing, "I'm really happy I met you."

"Really? Most people don't like me very much," Arthur said with a laugh, "Usually its Liz or Gilbert."

"Liz and Gil are cool, but I think you're awesome," I said, but then immediately felt awkward, "Sounds kind of stalker-ish, doesn't it?" I laughed nervously.

"No, I don't think so," Arthur said with a smile, "Really all my friends do is tease me, I know they're joking, but it's getting old, and you don't do it too much which is awesome," Arthur laughed, "I know this sounds weird, but you have a really nice personality, I don't get why people don't like you."

"Cuz I'm gay," I said plainly, "And tall, and American."

"That stuff doesn't matter to me," Arthur said, "Plus your accent is adorable." I laughed, some heat going to my face.

"Well thanks," I said, still laughing. Since Arthur said it, why can't I? "Yours is pretty cute too."

"But you're the one with the accent," Arthur pointed out, again, "But thanks." We got awkwardly quiet after a while, running out of things to say.

"Hey, want to watch a movie?" I said, breaking the ice finally.

"Sure," Arthur said, tapping his leg, "Horror, I'm guessing?"

"You want to watch a horror movie?" I asked, redirecting the question. Arthur nodded. "Great! I have some classics!" I dived for the TV, digging through the cabinet beneath it for a good one, "Um, you like slasher movies?"

Arthur stuck out his tongue, "No thanks."

"Alright," I said with a huff, because basically all my horror movies were slasher flicks. Sliding out Carrie, I then thought maybe now was a good time to watch it, "How about Carrie?"

Arthur stared at me, "I don't know what that is."

"Okay dude, I swear you've been living under a rock," I said laughing, "It's about some girl who's really weird; it's kind of bloody at the end but not really."

"Okay, sounds good," Arthur said, "Wait, some weird girl? How is that a horror movie, does she snap and axe murder everyone?"

"Kind of!" I laughed, "Not exactly, though. I'll make some popcorn while the trailers play." I slid the movie in, and then messing with the TV to get it on the correct setting to play the movie. I quickly ran into the kitchen to make that perfect movie snack.

"Mind if I have a chocolate?" Arthur yelled from the living room.

"Go for it, don't eat them all," I responded, putting the bag into the microwave. I was so happy, Arthur was spending time with me, and we got to watch a movie together, just us! But, it wasn't like I was expecting to kiss him or anything, spending time with Arthur was a lot of fun, reflecting from the minutes before the sleepover we had.

Soon I joined Arthur for the movie with the bag of popcorn. I switched off the light, sat down next to him and sat the bag down on the table. Grabbing the blanket in the corner of the couch, I pointed it to Arthur asking him if he wanted to use it with me. Arthur took the other corner of the blanket as we wrapped it around our bodies like a two person cape.

"Thanks, I was freezing," Arthur laughed, "Popcorn hot?" he asked.

"Yeah, you can try to eat one if you want, it might burn your tongue off though," I said with a laugh. Arthur reached out for the bag, taking a piece of popcorn and blowing on it before popping it in his mouth. Since I had the special addition original thing, it had one of those select screens, which consisted of the movie, behind the scenes, and interview of the cast. I immediately pressed play.

"Oh there are tits in this, you don't mind right?" I laughed, Arthur huffing.

"Thanks for telling me!" Arthur said sarcastically, sticking out his tongue. As soon as the opening scene started, Arthur and I each ate one piece of popcorn at the same time, and as soon as I put my back straight against the couch Arthur began to cuddle with me. I shit you not, my little thoughts turned into reality. He shuffled close to me, put his head on my shoulder, and wrapped one arm around my waist, acting like it was no big deal. Heat went to my face, and such a simple gesture turned me on for about five seconds.

All throughout the movie, it seemed Arthur was genuinely creeped out. I mean, there is something un-settling about this movie during it all, but I've seen it so many times it's worn out. Not that it was boring, I still loved this movie. At the naked scene Arthur buried his head in my shoulder until I told him 'It's over'. The last scene was a breeze by for me by now, but Arthur still seemed pretty disturbed by the whole thing. At the very end with the jump scare, just at the right movie I grabbed Arthurs shoulder, just at the same moment of the loud sudden scream. Arthur shrieked, clinging to me tighter.

I laughed as the credits rolled, Arthur yelling at me, "You bloody wanker!" Arthur crossed his arms, grimacing while turning from me, but a smile eventually cracked his lips and we both laughed together.

"You like it?" I said, referring to the movie.

"No!" Arthur said in a sarcastic cheery voice. I frowned.

"Why not?"

"It was going go at first, but the ending was kind of iffy," Arthur shrugged.

"Yeah, but that's what makes it good!" I said, whining. Arthur rolled his eyes, flicking my forehead as I let out a short laugh.

"Hey, I was wondering," Arthur said quietly, taking a pause, "since Christmas is coming, what do you want?"

"What do I want?" I asked, "You don't need to get me anything."

"Yes, yes I do, Alfred!" Arthur said loudly, "What do you want?"

"I don't know, art stuff, candy," I said simply, "What do you want?"

"I don't know," Arthur said, "Something along the lines of music." Oh yeah, that's right, I forgot Arthur plays guitar. Liz had told me very faintly a few times.

"Guitar, right?" I asked, and then I refrained the question, "You play the guitar?"

"I don't actually have my own, but the music teacher lets me use hers, she says I'm very good at it," Arthur said proudly, puffing out his chest a bit.

"Cool, maybe I can listen to you play sometime," I said with a smile.

"So wait, I'll get you art stuff for Christmas," Arthur said, asking the question again.

"You don't have to get me anything!"

"But I am!"

I laughed, "Okay, okay."

"Well, what do you want to do now?" Arthur said, tapping my leg. I shrugged.

"Let's not go outside, too cold," I said, Arthur nodding in agreement. We sat, quietly, for what seemed like an eternity. I thought about how he had actually cuddled with me. Maybe, maybe he did really like me back. Maybe it wasn't me trying to calm myself down, maybe he actually liked the freaky me. I knew he was my friend already, but, you don't snuggle with someone you've known for three weeks and say 'oh it was just me being friendly'.

Arthur shifted his expression showing unease. He looked a bit disgusted for a few moments, and then settled back down. I raised my brow, shooting him a glance, but the Brit didn't notice me.

"Hey, uh?" I said quietly, tapping Arthur's shoulder. Arthur nervously chuckled once I got his attention, "Um, what's wrong?"

Arthur shrugged, "I keep imagining seeing you on the floor, screaming," Arthur laughed a bit, "I've never seen anything like that besides on the TV, and seeing something like that happening to you just rubs me the wrong way."

"But I'm fine now," I said quietly, "I just have to wear glasses now."

"But you weren't fine before," Arthur said sternly, "And it hurt seeing you like that."

I bit my lip, now feeling bad for something that happened on accident, "Sorry Arth-."

"Stop saying that," Arthur's brown knitted together, clearly frustrated, "Stop saying sorry. There is no need to apologize all the time."

I strangely had no reaction, more of a numbness that settled in my stomach as I brushed off the comment. I knew I would never stop saying sorry for things, it's what I did now, "Oh, okay." Arthur turned his head to face me, his green eyes looking down my body, then back up to my eyes. The brit bit his lip and sighed very faintly before hugging me tightly.

"You sure you're okay?" Arthur said quietly, his voice muffled by my shirt. I hummed in response, hugging my crush back, "You scared me too death, you git!" His hands dug into my shoulder blades, and upon reaching the thought that Arthur was crying my stomach dropped, but I realized he wasn't, but the feeling still remained. I patted his back awkwardly.

"Hey, dude, I'm fine, it's okay," I muttered quietly into the Brit's ear. He didn't say anything, he just hugged me. For a while, actually. I didn't want him to let go, I never wanted him to let go. I wanted him to stay here with me, head dug into my neck, and my arms wrapped around his back, holding him. Silence. I loved it, and I was granted it, along with one of the best feelings in the world.

Arthur sighed heavily, after a while, "I'm worried about you. After I saw that I think I realized how serious things could get, please, please don't get into too much trouble Alfred," I felt Arthur swallow against my chest, "Please, I don't want you to get hurt more."

"I'll try, Arthur," I said quietly in his ear, "I have been. But I'll try harder."

"And don't be afraid to call me or anthin', because I don't want you to ever leave me or anyone else because you felt alone, okay?" I nodded. I was confused what he meant by 'leave anyone else'. At first I thought he meant not being his friend anymore, but then I realized what he meant. He was afraid of me committing suicide. I frowned at the thought, I may cut, but I'm still too young to think about killing myself. But, my frown turned into a small smile once realizing Arthur had thought that hard about me to come across the thought of me committing suicide.

"Don't worry about that, Artie, I'd never do that, ever."

"Ever? You swear to me?" Arthur separated his head from me to look me in the eyes, but his arms were still wrapped around my neck.

"I swear," I said, smiling kindly. Arthur nodded the faint look of worry in his eyes. Arthur had gone from 'im too cool for you' too 'holy shit I'm worried' in four weeks. I sighed, small chills running up my spine.

"Alfred, why are you always so warm?" Arthur asked me after a few moments, a small innocence in his voice, "I'm always cold."

"Because I wear hoodies a lot," I said with a shrug, "They keep me warm."

"Was America warm?" Arthur asked, his arms slipping off my shoulders.

I nodded, "Yeah, it was pretty warm where I lived. A lot warmer then here, didn't rain much. I went to Florida once, and it's really hot there."

"I want to go to America," Arthur said quietly, "I don't like being rained on all the time, maybe we could go together sometime?"

"I don't know, Arthur," I said with a frown, "I don't think my dad will ever let me go back. I miss it there."

Arthur bit his lip, "That sucks."

"Yeah," I said quietly, shifting, "But, I get to see my family once every year, we all go too Italy. Maybe you could come sometime." Arthur smiled widely.

"I've always wanted to go to Italy!" Arthur said, loudly, grabbing my hands, "That would be awesome!" I laughed, that would be cool, and Arthur would get to meet my whole family.

"Hey, um, what time is it?" Arthur said quietly. I immediately looked at the direct TV box, which listed the time.

"Oh, um, seven O'clock," I said, looking back at the Brit. His eyes widened in shock.

"Shit! I missed dinner! I have to go!" Arthur bounded to get his sneakers, scarf and jacket. Quickly tying his shoes, I watched in disappointment, not wanting my only company to leave.

Arthur quickly ran back over to me, hugging my body tightly against his for a moment, "Bye Al, call me later tonight, okay?"

I nodded, "I will, bye, see you."

"See you!" Arthur called back before exiting my house, the door slamming behind him. I watched Arthur run down the soaking wet street, scarf waving behind him.

And I can easily tell you, I did not stop smiling that night.

Gilbert and I met up that Saturday to go to the gym. I met him in the field behind school, and surprisingly it was a rather nice day. The grass actually looked bright green instead of that dull mud color it usually looked like, because of all the mist.

"Hey Al!" I heard Gilbert call from the other side of the field, I meeting him halfway. I said hi as Gilbert squinted, looking me over.

"T-shirt and glasses, wow, how much did you change while you were out?" Gil smiled, but then he leaned closer to me, "Dude, you're okay, right?"

I laughed with a nod, "Yeah, I'm fine now, just gonna have to wear these stupid things for the rest of my life." I pushed on the earpiece, the glasses going up to my forehead before I let them drop back down, "So, we are going to the gym?"

"Nope!" Gilbert chirped, "Not today, big guy! Let's just run around the fields, I can only bring guests on weekdays." Gilbert clapped.

I groaned, "Gil, what the hell?" The German laughed in return.

"C'mon, it'll be fun," Gilbert said, "It'll be like a warm up, plus a little time with your pal Gilbert won't hurt ya." Gilbert tossed me a water bottle, "Got you this, too."

"Thanks," I said, catching the bottle, the water in it splashing around.

"So, what even happened to you face?" Gilbert said as we started walking towards the bleachers, "I heard you were checking out some girl's boobs?"

"No!" I groaned, "I simply fell into her boobs," I said almost sarcastically, making a few hand motions to signify dropping. Gilbert smiled.

"How do you fall directly into tits? Didn't you knock her down?" Gilbert started laughing.

I of course started laughing too. Falling into Chris' girlfriends tits was pretty damn funny, just not the events afterward. "No!" I said, laughing.

"Arthur said you were bleeding from the eyes, right?"

"Yeah, that wasn't even the scariest part," I said quietly, "Really; I think that wasn't even close. It was more of the fact of being completely blind while hearing all that screaming so clearly," I bit my lip, "I felt so like, out in the open, you know?" It was frightening, now that I really thought hard about it, being blinded but being able to hear everything. I was so confused and scared, blinded in pain being able to clearly hear every pin drop, every bird cry. All my senses must have been kicked into full gear because my eyesight wasn't working, because I think your brain is supposed to do that, even though I wasn't completely blind. But, that fear of being completely blind still frightened me, no guidance from my eyes, and even though I could hear fine, it didn't seem to affect anything.

"Sounds kind of scary," Gilbert said, "I mean, you are an artist, so I guess the fear of losing your eyesight would be pretty scary."

I shook my head, "No, not like that. I wasn't worried for the future until I woke up in the doctors."

Gilbert shot me a glance, not a mad one, but a very confused look. Like, he didn't understand what I was saying. It is a weird thing to think about, not thinking about the 'what ifs' while something like that was happening. Even if there was no pain, I still wouldn't have thought about the 'what ifs'. I really didn't think about my future much, because I had no idea what I was going to do. Maybe draw, drawing makes me happy. My future doesn't make me happy nor scared, I guess I'm just trying to get through what I'm going through now. Maybe that's why I wasn't saying 'what if' at that moment.

"Sorry, I know it's confusing," I said softly, "You would get it if something like that happened to you, I hope it doesn't though," I smiled. Gilbert smiled back, patting my shoulder.

After the short walk, Gilbert and I sat down on the bleachers, which were ice cold. Gilbert took out his shoulder bag he had been carrying and took a bottle of sunscreen out, putting some on his arms and nose.

"God I hate being Albino," Gilbert huffed, "I have to do this almost every day I go out." He rubbed in the white stuff on his nose, which quickly disappeared.

"Don't you have to wear sunglasses too?" I asked, Gilbert shaking his head.

"No, my eyes aren't too sensitive," Gilbert said with a shrug, "Mainly my skin."

I nodded with a hum. "So, what are we going to do? We're gonna run and stuff?"

"Actually, you're running, I'm going to scream coach like things at you," Gilbert said, smirking. Then he turned to me, took a breath and screamed; "Three laps around the field, go!"

"Right now?" I yelled back, carefully standing up on the bleacher.

"Yes right now, get to it Jones!"

"Yes sir!" I yelled, jumping off the bleachers, my feet hitting the floor, hard. I let out a faint 'ouch' as Gilbert continued to yell at me.

"Move it!" He screamed, slamming his hands on the seat below him, a faint smile on his face. And I started to run, three laps. I liked the feeling for the first two laps, the feeling of freedom and being able to run without being chased, but the last lap my legs started to ache.

"Gilbert! My legs are tired!" I shouted, stopping.

"That's a good sign, go, go, and go!" Gilbert screamed back, putting his hands up. I rolled my eyes and kept going. Once reaching the bleachers for the third time, Gilbert smiled, holding my water bottle and shaking it. I hastily took it from him, chugging a quarter out of it.

"You good?"

"I'm good."

"Good, do four laps," Gilbert smiled as I shot him a disapproving look.

"How about one?" I hissed, "Or can I lift some shit?"

"Nope! Run!" Gilbert said proudly, "Think about winning over Arthur with your awesome muscles after this!" Gilbert snapped his fingers, "Get to it, Jones."

And I started running again, this time trying really hard to ignore the sore feeling as my legs flexed against the ground. This field was huge, so it took a very long time to sprint even one lap. The heat that was bearing down on me made my sweating issue worse, which made everything more uncomfortable. But I tried. I don't even know another reason that I was doing this besides Arthur. I was going to work hard to make him happy with me, in love with me or not! He was one of the most complicated people I had ever met, with his grouchiness and his way of hiding things, but yet his sense of humor and how strangely open he was with certain things, and how he cared that one day and gave me that hug that lasted at least ten minutes. How he cuddled with me while watching that movie, how he went to see me after I got hurt, how he screamed at Chris, how he bought me the chocolates, and how he cared about me dying. I had to make him happy, I had too.

After I finished the final lap, I sat down on the dirt, panting hard. My legs were throbbing. I had been sprinting that whole time, and I had least ran three miles straight. Which I wasn't used to at all.

"Hey man, let's go get some ice-cream," Gilbert said, walking down from the bleachers and helping me up.

I brushed off my pants, "Alright, that sounds awesome."

"We'll go to the gym tomorrow," Gilbert said as we started to walk, "All day."

"Okay," I said airily, "Sounds good."

By next week, I had gained a few pounds. Not chocolate pounds, not even ice-cream pounds. I gained full out muscle pounds. About three, because by the end of the week I had an extra bump to add to my previous two pack. Plus, I could now do three laps without my legs getting sore until the very end. My upper body strength was defiantly stronger, since when Gil and I went to the gym I usually pick up shit and punched things. I woke up every day at six to meet Gilbert at the gym by seven and we stayed until nine at night, with short food breaks in between, of course. I was really proud of myself. I had worked so hard, and I actually looked stronger. You could see it if you looked at my arms, my upper arm looking a bit bulkier then before, and my legs looked a bit more toned. I heavily thanked Gilbert for letting me go to the gym with him. He said I could continue to go, and to keep the muscle I had earned I would have to keep somewhat in shape. So I planned to walk every day, which Gilbert said should be good enough. I was relatively pleased with myself for the first time in a while. Gilbert, Liz and I all went to go get lunch together and I showed her my new muscles like I was her boyfriend. She was proud of me, and so was Gilbert, but I think Gilbert shared his proudness for me and himself. I texted Arthur a few times that week and surprisingly got a response. He actually texted me a few times while I was at the gym, asking me 'how's it going'.

And by now I was sure Arthur must love me back, at least a little bit. Maybe I was being a little bit over excited now, but he really cares about me. Like when I didn't answer his texts a few times he would message me 'Is everything okay?' He had to love me, just a little; maybe he just needed a little push, which fortunately I had worked hard enough to get that push. He texted me a few times on Sunday if I wanted to sleep over his house on Tuesday, which I excitedly answered. I was so excited, maybe we'd finally start dating soon. I couldn't even sleep on Sunday night.

On Monday, I felt the most excited about school then I have ever been. I don't know what I was expecting, but I was expecting something at least. I had probably been a bit too excited, and I'm starting to think it wasn't just Arthur, but maybe Chris would be surprised I had gotten a bit stronger during the week. Maybe Thom and Archie would be shocked too.

I quickly hurried to school, to excited to remember my sketchbook. It didn't rain today, just kind of misty. I was running so hard my glasses bounced messily up and down my face, and that day was probably the fastest I had gotten to school.

Once the bell rang, I stuffed my bag into my locker as the crowd began to crawl in. I decided I'd show everyone at lunch instead of one by one, that'd just be easier, right? My eyes searched through the crowd as I saw Liz making her way. I didn't call her over, I just watched her. Then I saw Arthur, a smile creeping up on my face. He was awful happy, bounding up to Liz, smiling, not like a big smile, but you're not going to get much from Arthur. He talked to Liz; I couldn't hear what they were saying obviously. But, Liz's smile quickly disappeared once Arthur hugged her, Arthur was still smiling though. She pulled on a fake smile and patted his back. She looked disappointed, but the two quickly disappeared behind the crowd.

I felt nervous for a few moments, but I brushed it off, reassuring myself that things would be fine by lunch.

Art was thankfully my third period, the one before lunch. I happily got out my bag to get out my sketchbook to go to my favorite subject. But that's when I realized I had forgotten it. I tore through my backpack, looking for my sketchbook, but I found nothing.

"Shit," I murmured quietly. But, I knew I'd be fine in art. It was my best subject, and the teacher loved me, so he should let it pass. I walked to class anyways, forgetting my sketchbook was not going to dampen my mood.

And just as I thought, the art teacher let it pass. Mister Bedoin let me use a few pieces of printer paper to draw on, and thank god we weren't using paints today, or I'd really be dead.

Today, I met this guy named Kiku. He was Asian, and even though we only talked for a few minutes, he was really nice. He drew anime, I think, something like that. We sat next to each other and shared small talk, which is very rare for me to talk in art class. I wanted to show him my new muscles but that'd be a bit awkward, because we just met.

Lunch was slowly upon us as I swiftly sprinted to the lunchroom, slowing down in front of teachers and their classrooms, not wanting to get yelled at.

Chris yelled at me through the halls, "What's the hurry, faggot?" he sounded a bit nervous, though. Like he was scared to make fun of me for what he previously did, scared that the teachers were now on his ass.

I sat down, being the first one at my table except Thom, since his classroom was very close to the mess hall. I tapped my fingers on the table as Gilbert and Liz sat next to me. Liz looked kind of worried, like she was waiting for something to happen that she didn't want. Gilbert shot a look at her, and she quietly put her arm around my shoulders. I looked at her, confused.

"What's wrong?" I asked quietly, but my voice was still rather happy.

"Nothing," Liz smiled, but I faintly frowned, because it was so clear that it was fake. But she continued talking, "I just want you to know, I'm really proud of you, okay?"

I was wicked confused. Liz was never like this, the only time I saw her like this was when she found out I was a cutter. It scared me a little, but I tried shrugging it off. I kept reminding myself I was happy and excited.

My facial expression lit up once I saw Arthur walk into the mess hall. I was so happy to show him my week-long hard work, I wanted to see him be proud of me like Liz and Gilbert were. The crowd that had entered the mess hall that carried Arthur in had all separated, flocking to different tables.

All but one.

I looked at Liz, and her facial expression turned from disappointed to remorse, her eyes squinting and teeth gritting slightly while her arm dropped from my shoulder. I looked at her, a very slow realization dawning on me.

The two were holding hands.

The strange boy I didn't know brought Arthur's temple to his lips and tenderly kissed it.

Fuck.

Arthur quickly picked up his pace, dragging the other boy with him. Once getting to our table, Arthur and the other male sat down. I eyed him, the other having blonde hair, more bleach looking then mine though, with bright brown eyes. He was also really skinny; I think he was from the tennis team or something. I looked at him, and he looked at me.

It felt like it happened in slow motion. "Hey guys, I got a boyfriend!" Arthur smiled that childish happy look in his eyes. Arthur stared at me, as if waiting for a response.

I pulled off a smile, even though at the moment I felt my heart being torn apart, "Oh, that's awesome! But, um, I gotta… I gotta go somewhere, I'll be right back!" I quickly hurried off, not bothering to push in my chair. Once getting far enough away from that table I sprinted out of there so fast. I don't even know where I thought I was going, all I knew was I was torn. I felt like I got hit by the truck of reality, and I was an injured animal limping away. I wasn't even happy for Arthur. He probably wasn't even thinking about how much he hurt me, he didn't even know. And it pissed me off. It pissed me off for some strange reason, even though I told myself it wasn't his fault, I was still mad. And I accepted my anger after exiting that room. I was mad at him for not even giving one thought on how it would make me upset. I was mad at him because if he didn't love why would he lead me on like that? Or maybe I did over think things like the stupid person I was. I found myself in the men's room, locking myself in a stall. I didn't cry, it would be stupid to cry. Because it was my fault, I and my stupid ideas, and I don't think it was worth it to cry over something I caused. If I hadn't gotten myself excited I wouldn't have been as upset, or, maybe I would, but it would still be my fault for allowing myself to love him as much as I did.

I should have known someone as awesome as Arthur would never love me.

I was blaming myself and him at the same time. Shooting back to 'it's his fault' to 'it's my fault', the proud side and my self-hate side fighting against each other in a heated battle inside my head. I settled on the conclusion that I was angry no matter what, but I wasn't sure who I was mad at. But I kept getting images of Arthur making out with that other boy and it just rattled me to the bone. That should be me. But no, I'm being selfish. But, it still should be me. I worked so hard to impress him, and I bet Arthur just picked up that boy and said 'let's date.'

But no, I'm being selfish still. Right?

I should have known better.

But it still should be me.

I heard a knock on the stall and Liz's voice; "Alfred, are you okay?" I wasn't crying nor cutting, so I didn't see why I shouldn't let her in. Liz is good at comforting me, and she had gone as far as going into the men's room to see me. I got up and unlocked it.

"Yeah?" I said quietly, Liz's eyes meeting mine as soon as I opened that door. We stared at each other before hugging. My large figure engulfing her much smaller one, and I held her tightly to my chest, because I didn't care anymore, I just wanted someone to hug me. Liz was silent, I don't blame her for not saying anything, and it is a tough situation to comfort someone.

"You okay?" Liz murmured, her voice being muffled by my shoulder.

"I'm more torn in-between things than upset, but yeah," I sighed, loosening my grip on her, "I just want to go home now."

"I'm so sorry," Liz said, "I should have told you before lunch, you could have prepared or-."

"Liz it's not your fault," I said quietly, sighing.

"But I could have helped a bit better."

"Yes but that's alright."

"And I'm your friend; I'm supposed to do that stuff."

"But it's still okay." Liz separated from me, looking me in the eyes.

"Alfred, you just had your heart possibly torn in half and I could have helped in preventing that," Liz said very seriously. It scared me; I had never seen her like that with me. I've always seen her gentle and happy and caring, never serious like this.

"But it's over now," I said again.

"I can tell Arthur for you," Liz said. I shook my head. "No, not like that, like, that your upset."

"But that'll make him feel bad and break up with him," I murmured, "then Arthur will be upset, and it will be my fault."

"I don't think he'd break up with him," Liz murmured, "But okay, I won't." I sighed, biting my lip. I just wanted to go home at this point, but I knew Liz was trying to help as best as she could, so I wasn't going to let her know how tired I was of this conversation already. I just wanted to go home and eat, and be angry at myself and then be angry at Arthur, then be angry at myself then back to Arthur.

"Hey, don't worry, Arthur doesn't stay with guys too long," Liz said, "They usually break up with him. Not because he's a bad guy or anything, it's just because since Arthur's always looking to be happy he's constantly looking, and he normally falls in love with the wrong person," Liz sighed, "He'll come around. I don't think this new guy will stay for very long."

"Okay," I murmured. But, I wasn't worried about not dating him. Okay, maybe a little. I was just mad and torn. Torn between whom to be mad at.

"You want to go home, huh?" Liz said, patting my cheek. I nodded, and Liz smiled faintly. "C'mon big guy, I know just the way out of here without getting caught. I'll walk you home."

"Thanks, Liz," I said, taking her wrist, "Wait, what will Arthur think? Will he know I'm mad?" I wanted Arthur to feel bad, I knew it was wrong, but deep down I really wanted him to feel terrible for this. I tried to cover it up though.

"I'll tell him you got sick," Liz winked at me and pat my back. I smiled back faintly, still upset. Still torn. Still angry.

Agony was the only word I could think of to describe how I felt. I was in complete pain and confusion.

My dad got mad at me for leaving school early. But I told him I felt like shit so I went home. He thought I meant sick, which was good, but he still questioned why I didn't go to the nurse. He called me stubborn and laughed. I guess my bad sides came in handy for hiding up things. I went upstairs to my room, the faint smell of Lysol coming from my bed from the time I cleaned it last night.

I began to draw. This time not fighting the urge to draw Arthur. He would never like me the way I liked him, so why not? He would never see it. I turned off all the lights, hid under my covers and used my phone as the light to draw. Afterwards, I was pretty pleased with the drawing. It had been two hours, so after I curled up in bed and took a three hour nap. It was like I was a bear going through hibernation, that's what I felt like for some reason. I wanted to stay there all winter, just eat burgers and chocolate and then take a week long nap. I didn't want to sleep over at Arthur's on Tuesday either, and Liz's excuse she would tell him would work again to tell I couldn't sleep over anymore.

I woke up to a buzzing noise next to my face. I got a text. Opening up my phone I read it.

Arthur: Hey, your stomach okay? :P

And that's when I lost it.

I didn't go to school again. I was rocking the sick thing, well, because I acted sick all the time because I slept so much. My dad really didn't care if I missed much because I had already missed a week. I'm surprised I didn't cut yesterday, I guess every time I thought of it I heard Liz's voice in my head telling me not too. I hadn't cut in at least two months actually, which is pretty good. But, I didn't feel proud about it.

I got a text from Gilbert early that morning, he apologized for not coming to see me because Arthur wanted to go with me but he held him back. I thanked him, Arthur seeing me like that just would have made it worse. After school ended I expected more texts from Arthur but I never got them. I was shocked he didn't ask about the sleep over. Shock turned into disgust. Today I depended on food to make me feel better instead of drawing or cutting, I didn't even care about losing my muscle, wasting my hard work. My dog lay next to me on the couch as I watched a behind the scenes documentary on Nightmare on Elm Street that was on TV. I tried to keep my brain off of the whole Arthur thing, it would make me more miserable and I knew it. But, holding it inside wasn't helping. It crawled out of the box I trapped it in just to push it back up and countuied to crawl and spread all over my brain.

I began to cry again.

Remember how I said I how I felt so lost and out in the open when I got punched in the eyes? That's what I feel like now. Hopeless, blind, and confused. I was terrified, my eyes blinded by my anger and self-hate, but my love making me confused. I know it sounds cheesy, but I literally felt the same fear I felt when I got punched. So out in the open, only my love being able to guide me. But the love not mattering because I had hate in the way, and with my hate nothing else mattered.

I thought it would be a good idea to write Arthur a note, and once I finished I felt extremely stupid and stuffed it into my sketchbook. I stopped crying after a while, and I wasn't crying hard, tears were just kind of pouring out of my eyes uncontrollably. And after I crawled into my cave of a bed and fell asleep, snow starts to fall.

Despite me not wanting to go to school, my dad made me go. I was already miserable upon leaving the house, and the slush on the ground getting my combat boots soaked through wasn't a fun time either. I had that depressed, lazy feeling I hadn't had in a very long time. I truly felt like shit. Complete shit. I had no clue what I was going to do for lunch. I was defiantly not going to sit with Arthur and his boyfriend, who I didn't even know yet and I already didn't like him. And it wasn't right to ruin his fun directly, even though I wanted too. I planned on hiding in the bathroom, or go outside for a bit. Kiku also tried to talk we me, but I dismissed everything he said very quickly.

On the way to lunch, and with that I mean the bathroom, I just slowly walked along, sulking. I thought about how different my energy was the last time I walked this hall, and how it was destroyed. I felt like that grumpy donkey from Winnie the Poo, thinking about emo death things. I was pissed and sad at the same time, with a little confused sprinkled on top.

That's when I heard the quiet whimper once I passed Thom's locker. It was quiet, but it got my attention. Like it was more of a squeak, like it was forced out of someone. Curiously, and since I had nothing better to do, I looked it out. I went down another hall, taking me away from the cafeteria.

That's when I saw Chris, he hadn't seen me yet, but he was leaning against one of the walls, a lollipop in his mouth. Kind of like Arthur's lollipops. A smirk was laid across his face, and I didn't know why, because I didn't see anything happening around him.

"Not so tough now, are you?" It didn't come from Chris. That's when I realized Chris was watching one of his friends beat up someone else from the hall across from Chris, poised just enough so I couldn't see who. I wanted to countuied walking, but I couldn't pull myself away, something was terribly wrong. I could feel it in my stomach, something about this bothered me way to much then it should.

"Look at him," Chris laughed, the lollipop jumping in his mouth. I narrowed my eyes through my glasses.

"Since everybody hates you, I guess nobody is going to save you now!" The friend person said. I felt like they were talking to me kind of, so I laughed at the irony. But my smile fell once I heard the name, "Not so tough now, Arthur Kirkland!"

Instead of mixing, the anger blew up all other conflicting feelings. I felt the heat go to my face as my legs had already launched my body ahead. Now I was finally thankful for my vigorous exercising, because I was at the end of that hall in less than a minute, my anger eating up the soreness in my legs. For a brief second, I saw Chris's facial expression. He was shocked. He had never seen me really angry before. But his facial expression quickly whipped back to anger, until I kicked him in the leg. Which looking back at that, I'm still shocked how I managed that? Turning back, I saw Arthur drop to the floor, Chris' friend shocked that I there as well. My eyes narrowed, as I took a step forward.

And my fist slammed him in the face. Hard.

Authors Note_

Oh god this chapter is so crappy. So. Crappy. I can't even take its crappiness. Like, I can't even stand this like at all. It's terrible. In the beginning I thought I was on a roll, but nope that just came crashing down. I only have five days until school and I'm pretty stressed, so I guess that's why, maybe.

I don't even know how Alfred got that fit in a week don't ask.

Constructive reviews are welcome, just keep in mind this is very crappy and I can do much better if I tried harder. Oh yeah, constructive doesn't mean 'oh ha ha lol this sux.'

Okay yeah enjoy this crappy chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

It was all a big blur. Things didn't go white like it says in the movies, it just all happened very fast. My fist hit him in the face, I felt his teeth dig into my knuckles, and he dropped to the floor. Chris' friend looked up at me, his hand going up to his mouth, feeling the blood. And I stared at him. My anger had died down, and I felt more of a numbness swell up inside my stomach. Nobody saw. Nobody besides Chris and Arthur. I looked at Chris trying to get up, I think I hit some sensitive joint in his knee, anyways, his eyes met mine. And he looked scared. It didn't feel as good as I thought it would, actually. It actually scared me to see him like that; my biggest oppressor was terrified of me. It didn't feel right. But I fought off the feeling as best as I could.

"You tell no one!" I hissed, "You tell no one, and never touch him again!" I slammed my foot down in front of his face to prove my point. I turned to Chris' friend, who was watching me closely, "Same goes to you!" I looked back at Chris. "Got it?"

Chris stared back at me, unspeaking. I said "Got it?" again, but firmer.

"Y-Yes," Chris muttered, getting up to run. I looked at his friend, who was now keeping himself up by a wall. I glared at him, and once I did, he ran.

I swallowed, remembering the fear in their eyes. I didn't like that feeling. The feeling of causing another pain, it hurt me probably more then it hurt them. They looked at me like I was a monster. But no, it's Chris's fault for hurting Arthur, but then again I still punched them, but Chris does that to me every day, that torn feeling again. The torn feeling on whose fault it was. I looked down, my eyes searching across my knuckles. I then saw the blood from Chris's friend's mouth. I quickly whipped it off, panicked. My throat knotted up, and the spots under my eyes getting heavy. I tried to swallow down the feeling but I couldn't, it would budge.

Just as I thought I was about to cry, I felt Arthur's arms wrap tightly around my legs. It scared me, because I forgot he was there for a few moments. His grip tightened on my pants. I studied his face, he wasn't even looking up at me, and Arthur just clung to my legs like his life depended on it. I lowered myself into a kneel, Arthur letting go of my legs. He looked at me for a few moments, and I looked at him. I saw purple bruises around his neck, the same ones I had after I had gotten chocked. I sighed, which brought Arthur out of his trance as he tightly hugged me, resting his head on my shoulder. We said nothing. His hands balled up the fabric on my sweater, I just holding his head onto my shoulder. Arthur started to sob. He was sobbing hard, and I didn't understand why. I thought'd I get angry, but my caring nature took over. Whenever things like this happened to me, I never cried, and Arthur was a lot mentally stronger then I was. Or, maybe he wasn't. Maybe he wasn't as tough as I thought he was. When Liz talked to me on Monday and she said how Arthur was constantly looking for happiness. And he was so widely respected; I didn't recognize how he started crying, just like that. Maybe that was it. He was given respect, a lot of respect, maybe he just wasn't used to this change of being the one pinned up against the wall, the one beaten, and the one who was tripped and laughed at.

I held him tighter once his sobbing began. I felt sorry, even though I don't know why I was sorry. I rubbed his back in a weak attempt to calm him down. Arthur wasn't just whimpering, he was full out sobbing. Like, ugly sobbing. Remember that movie Marley and Me? If you saw that in the theater like I did, you would know ugly sobbing first hand. I wanted to talk to him, tell him soothing things, but those soothing things didn't come up in my head. It was blank. My mind was blank. I had no clue what to do. My anger and confusion was washed away temporarily, but it just left, so my caring self didn't have time to move in. Arthur's tears soaked down my sweatshirt, the wet feeling sticking to my skin underneath. My mind raced along for words, but nothing good enough came up. I took a breath, and decided to wing it.

"Arthur, Arthur it's okay, don't cry," I swallowed, yeah, that's okay, "Please don't cry, they're gone, I'm sorry." Oh god now I just sound like a sputtering idiot. When I thought about Arthur coming to me for comfort, I never thought it would feel terrible, I always thought I would be proud of myself. But no, this feeling is terrible compared to what I thought. I sighed, wanting to cry myself, feeling so useless and scared at the same time. But I couldn't cry just yet. "Shh, please, please don't cry." I'm almost a hundred percent sure anyone could hear my awkwardness. I thought this feeling couldn't get any worse until Arthur stammered my name, and started to cry more. My heart dropped once he said my name, I don't know why, but it just hurt. I wanted to cry so hard, I was trying to focus on comforting Arthur but it wasn't working.

"Th-They to-old me, they s-said," Arthur muttered in between sobs, but with that he squeezed the hood on my sweater and buried his head into my chest, muffing the loud scream he let out.

"No, no, it's okay, to hell with what they said," I murmured, trying to sound as kind as possible without releasing the knot in my throat.

"B-but they said," Arthur stammered, still clinging to me.

"Just calm down first, tell me later," I murmured, patting his back. Arthur nodded from under my chest, and I could tell he was forcing himself to calm down. I couldn't bring myself to tell him to not force it, so I let him breathe heavily for a while, a few sobs escaping his lips. He stopped after a while, but Arthur still clung to me, shaking. I sighed after a few moments and took off my sweater, leaving my undershirt on and wrapping the navy blue fabric around Arthur's shoulders. I had no idea why, just instinct I guess. But to my pleasure Arthur let go of me and pushed my sweater tighter around his shoulders.

"Thanks," Arthur said, very quietly, avoiding my gaze. Arthur then closed his eyes and sighed. Like, a deep one, he was letting go something that was in his mind. "Thank you, for helping me back there."

"it's fine," I said, looking down the hall to make sure nobody was coming, "You don't need to thank me."

Arthur shook his head, "Nobody has stood up for me like that before." I shrugged in return. "You don't give yourself enough credit, Alfred."

"I know," I said softly, crossing my legs.

"Sorry for crying like that," Arthur murmured. I denied his apology for there was no reason for it, "It was not even the pain of being chocked that bothered me the most. They kept telling me nobody cared, which normally didn't bother me, until Liam walked by," I'm guessing Liam was his boyfriend, "Liam just… I called for him, and he looked me dead in the eyes and did nothing. He just walked away." Arthur began to choke up again, and I immediately put my arm around his shoulders.

"It's okay, I get it, and you don't need to continue."

"Why, why did you never answer my texts?"

Arthur's comment surprised me, "You only sent me one?"

"No, I sent you like twenty," Arthur murmured, resting his head in his hands. Oh jeez, I screwed up. How did I not see those texts? Maybe I did and I just don't remember.

"Oh, god, I'm sorry, Arthur," I knew I felt bad only now, because I defiantly wouldn't have before. I stiffly rubbed his back again, his talking being subdued.

Arthur looked back up a few moments later, "It's okay," Arthur squinted as if he was trying to look at something, "I really thought Liam loved me though."

I wanted to make a very pissed off remark at that, but Arthur clearly didn't have the slightest clue I liked him. "You deserve better."

Arthur shrugged as if he didn't know how to respond. That made me angry. Like, he shouldn't have my level of self-confidence, he was respected, and wonderful, and he almost had it all. "You do, you know." Arthur smiled and laughed. There we go, that's a smile.

"Thanks," Arthur's smile turned into a small frown, "I don't know if I'm going to break up with him or not. I want to now, but I'm not sure how."

"Just, eh, if you want to avoid the awkwardness text him it," I said, "but he probably sees it coming, now."

Arthur nodded in return, "Yeah, I guess so." I stared at Arthur for a few minutes, not sure what to say next. I needed him to say something before I did. "Should, should we get to lunch? There's not a lot of time left but-."

"Oh yeah, um, sure," I said quietly.

"I don't think Liam will sit with us," Arthur murmured, "If he does," Arthur took a pause and looked at me.

"You want me to chase him away?" I asked stupidly, which surprisingly Arthur nodded too. I laughed slightly, "Sorry to get your hopes up before, I really don't do that often, but I'll try."

"Or just sit next to me," Arthur said very quiet. We both got up, I helping Arthur to his feet. Not long after walking, Arthur's skinny fingers curled around my wrist. He looked panicked, like Chris and his friend would come back. If they did, I'm almost certain they wouldn't even yell anything at us, but if they did I would defiantly chase them away. Now was my time to be proud. I was Arthur's hero, and he basically admitted it. And that damn boyfriend of his was gone. I wanted to smile, but I'd seem like an asshole.

Arthur made me get lunch with him. Well, not really made me. He more of made a few gestures with his head to the lunch line still holding on to my arm. It was a weird feeling this gave me, nonetheless it was nice. Arthur never let go of my arm once that whole time. It scared me but yet made me happy he was relying on me like this. It's a very unlikely chance I would do that again. In the first place I was already mad, also. But maybe just for now I could sell it, make him think I could protect him. I was happy, but it was soon swallowed up by the fear of lying to him. I never liked lying I hated the way it felt, I was a terrible lair and I knew I wasn't a good salesman. I was clever, but not in that way.

But nonetheless, I didn't let my unease show. For now I wanted Arthur to know he was okay, and I wanted myself to know I was okay, for now at least. Once sitting down Liz shot a few glances over and I just shook my head. Lunch was very quiet besides Gilbert and Archie's small talk.

I didn't see Arthur's boyfriend at all.

And damn, I was thankful.

Christmas was swiftly approaching, break started about three days ago. We all had a plan to have a party two days before Christmas; we would have it on Christmas Eve, but on Christmas Eve Gilbert was going to go on vacation with his family. I knew I would spend Christmas with my father's family, that's what we did every year, and it wasn't fun. But now I had something to look forward too, which was nice.

But the one thing was, what the hell would I get everybody?

Gilbert hinted me what Liz and Arthur wanted, telling me that Liz loves to garden, which I thought it would be weird to get her something with gardening because it's the middle of winter. But I guess it would do, because surprisingly I had no clue what Liz did in her free time. I knew what to get Gilbert, surprisingly; a while ago he told me he liked birds of prey, so I found a pair of white skinny jeans with a black eagle that I bought thinking of him and his strange love for skinny jeans. I was truly lost on what to get for Archie and Tom, so I got them both T-shirts.

But Liz and Arthur were still left.

Our party was a week away. I could easily buy Liz something, but Arthur? Arthur was special. I had to get him something that would really matter.

That day I walked by the music store. Guitars sit in the display in the front of the store. I stared at each and every one of them, a bubble of hope erupting in my body for what I could get Arthur. One of the guitars, an electric one, had the British flag laid across it, the paint cracked for decoration. I smiled widely, that's it, that's what I would get him. But I frowned looking at the price. One hundred and twenty eight pounds, shit, that's a ton of pounds. Well, it is to me at least. That was probably my whole allowance. My hands went to my wallet in my back pocket.

Should I really spend all my money on this? I knew for sure Arthur would love this. But, still, that's a lot of money. I thought about it for a few moments, tapping my wallet. He tore your heart apart, but then again, you still loved him. He depended on you; he clung to you and cried. He didn't mean to hurt me, even though he still didn't even know he did. I sighed and walked into the store.

"I would like to buy that guitar in the window, that one that's worth a hundred twenty eight pounds."

I walked back to my bike, carrying the large box under my arm, the cold winter snow crunching under my feet. I looked at the lights of the city, the beautiful Christmas lights and wire reindeer that guided me through the beginning of the night. Even though I hated the cold, Christmas was beautiful. All the pretty lights, all the singing, all the happy faces. I soon found my bike on the bike rack where I had left it, put the guitar into the back of it, and rode my bike home. It took at least twenty minutes, but I didn't mind, it was pretty outside. I had time to cross the bridge and look down into the water under it, the city surrounding the water making it glow so many different colors. I felt happy and pleased, the jolly time of Christmas filling my heart. Also, some kids in this car began waving at me, smiling like mad. I waved back at the small children, and countuied to pump at the pedals. I kept standing up off the seat, the wind blowing in my face. I got home around twelve, and with some left over wrapping paper I neatly wrapped up the guitars box. I found a tag and wrote on it; From Alfred, to Arthur with a few smiley faces and a poorly drawn image of a reindeer. I was truthfully a sucker for Christmas, all of its symbols, the reindeer, Santa, the elves. I knew they weren't real, but hey, they add so much more fun to Christmas. As I admired my wrapping job, I than realized I forgot Liz's present. Fuck.

My phone buzzed, I had a text message, Hey Alfie, just wanted to let you know I met this guy named Ivan today, he's a year ahead of us, I think he's sixteen. We're friends now, and any who, he said he'll let us have the party at his place. His house is really big too. Oh, he doesn't expect to get any presents either so don't sweat it.

It was from Arthur, I texted him back quickly, Cool. Hey, I'm in a sticky situation, I went downtown today but I forgot Liz's present. I have no clue what to do!

Bzzt, Lol, don't worry Al, I got it covered.

Aw but that's mean, I need to get her somethin.

Well OK, what do you want to get her?

I have no clue lol, I quietly laughed to myself.

I think she likes cooking.

Cooking too? I thought she liked gardening.

She does, but cooking is more appropriate for this time of year. I bit my lip, thinking of what to get her, or what Arthur would get her.

Oh I know, one of those instant thermometer things, those are handy I think, I pressed the send button but kept typing; I'll pay you back at the party. Wait I have no money. Ah, whatever.

Sounds good, see you then! Arthur sent me a smiley face.

Wait! Directions to Ivan's place? I typed. Arthur responded back with his address, which I showed to my dad and he said he'd gladly bring me too.

"Hanging out with the big kids, eh, Alfred?" My dad said, setting dinner on the table. I hummed in response, "Just don't do drugs or smoke, okay Alfred?"

"I won't," I laughed. I actually had a stupid fear of getting high, the way people have described it to me scared me, even though they usually said it was awesome. I think it scared me because I had no control over myself if I did get high.

"I'm serious, no alcohol either."

"Got it," I said, beginning to eat the pasta in front of me.

"I'm totally, all the way through serious. Don't do anything too crazy," My dad glared at me from across the table, "I don't want you getting hurt."

That made me feel touched the way he said that. He was dead serious while talking to me. I didn't feel as if he was my friend anymore I felt like he was my dad, a responsible dad making sure his son was okay. And it felt good; we hadn't talked like this in a while.

"Yeah, I got it," I said, smiling, tapping the table with my fingers. My dad smiled back before taking a bite of his pasta, "I'm actually pretty excited. I get to exchange gifts and stuff."

"Oh wait, what did you get that Arthur kid?" My dad said quietly, "You better have got that young man something nice, he's a good kid."

I smiled and laughed, no matter how immature my dad was it still sounded weird for him to say that about my friend, especially the one I was secretly crushing on.

"I got him a guitar, because he's a musician," I said proudly, half bragging about me and half bragging about him.

"That's a nice gift," My dad said, "How about that girl person?"

"Oh, Liz! I got her, an um," I trailed off, "I technically got her a really fancy cookie thermometer but Arthur has to pick it up."

"That's my Alfred," My dad said in a laugh, slamming his root beer on the table.

I spent my vacation watching Christmas specials with my dad because he had gotten a lucky three day break from work. He would go back to work a day before my Christmas party with my friends, and strangely got out again for Christmas Eve. Weird, I know. But, I got to spend a good time with him, which doesn't happen much. My favorite was this decoration special on TV, and it turned into almost like a contest. We also decorated my house, but sadly my dad thought having a tree was 'too much work' so we had a little tiny fake one that we put our presents under. It was actually an inside joke now, and a funny one at that, because when people walked in and saw a tiny plastic toy tree with a bunch of presents surrounding it, it looked pretty damn funny. After we set it there, I found a small piece of light brown from our carpet and stuck it on the top. My dad and I laughed about that for a while and then got to work on the glow up reindeer outside. It was fun, because I had to climb up on top of the roof very carefully to place one up there. After I made sure all of my presents for the guys were packed, and feeling a bit bad for our host Ivan I made him a very small card that said; Sorry that I don't know you very well, but thanks for inviting us here!

And in the morning my dad and I took off to Ivan's house. On the way there we singed stupid Christmas songs. I mocked that one Betty boop song as my dad laughed the whole time. Upon arriving, my dad even muttered a sware once seeing Ivan's home. It was huge! And very white. The roof was a shade of light silver and the rest was all white but the porch. There was a few ribbons tied here and there, and lights covered the porch, and a small reindeer lay on the yard, smiling as if greeting us.

"Wow, you lucky little boy," My dad muttered to me, flicking my temple, "Here, I'll help you with the presents." My dad got out a trash bag from the trunk as we packed the presents in it with care.

"Bye dad," I said, my arm looping around my sleeping bag.

"Bye Al, have fun, but not too much fun!" My dad gave me a hug as a grimaced, and then he left. I dragged the bag into the house, hoisting it over my shoulder. I rang the doorbell, and to my surprise Liz opened the door.

"Alfred!" She said, throwing her arms around me. I would have hugged her back, but I had my hands full. Walking in, the group sat on the silver sofa.

"Merry fucking Christmas!" I shouted, plopping the bag down, "Ho, Ho, Ho, bitches." Everyone let out a few giggles, Gilbert's being the hardest. The house was really light colored, the walls a creamy white, the décor silver, and the carpet was a very light blue. A large man stepped out of a hallway; he had very light blonde hair and purple-ish eyes. I immediately recognized him as Ivan, since we met before.

"Oh, hello," Ivan said gently, stepping out to greet me. I smiled.

"Hey Ivan, you have a really nice house," I said, shaking his hand.

"You're Alfred, right?" Ivan said, "Oh, and thanks. We have cookies in the kitchen if you want some, it down that hall over there," Ivan pointed down the hall he just stepped out of.

"Do they have chocolate in them?" I heard Gilbert and Liz giggle as Arthur rolled his eyes. Ivan nodded, and I rushed into the kitchen. I stuck one of the chocolate chip cookies in my mouth, and walked back.

"Oh yeah, where can I put my Santa bag?" I said jokingly, pointing to the large trash bag.

"I can take it," Ivan said kindly, taking the bag, entering a different room. "You don't mind if more of my friends are coming, right?" Ivan yelled out from the other room he had entered. We all said something similar to no. "Plus we'll have to go into the basement; don't want to wake up my parents. But don't worry, my basement is huge, we even have a little kitchen down there!"

I took a seat in between Archie and Gilbert, they were all watching the Christmas special of Doctor Who, and if you don't know what Doctor Who is you must have been living under a rock since 1963. I've already seen it before though; even though I wasn't a big Doctor Who fan, it had been on in the past.

After the rest of the show, we all awkwardly sat around. I made small talk with Gilbert as Liz and Arthur talked, and we didn't see much of Ivan until his other guests arrived.

One was a fifteen-year-old named Toris, with long shoulder length hair. Another was a seventeen-year-old girl named Natalia, who apparently was Ivan's cousin or something, and another seventeen-year-old named Eduard, he wore glasses too. They all seemed pretty nice, Natalia kind of creeped me out though. Toris was kind of jittery and nervous, but Ivan told me he has anxiety so it's expected. I felt welcomed by this small group of older kids, and not that 'wow they're younger lets pick on them'. I soon found out why Ivan had disappeared for a while, because he had come back into the room with a bunch of snacks, which consisted of scones, more cookies, and deviled eggs. Surprisingly, Ivan even owned a few American Christmas movies, and even had my favorite one from when I was little. We ended up watch it, it was called Elf and it was about a full grown man who thought he was an elf. Despite its childish theme, the movie is really funny. By the time it was over, it had gotten dark as we all took our presents and migrated downstairs into the basement.

The basement was very different from the lightness of upstairs. There was in fact a kitchen, but the floor was strangely carpeted an ugly grey color all throughout the basement. There were two rooms and a bathroom down there too. There was a large sofa and a recliner, sitting not too far in front of a very large TV. It felt cozier then the upstairs, but It smelt of something I couldn't identify, but I defiantly recognized it.

Arthur handed me a present, "It's the one for Liz," Arthur said gently.

"Oh, thanks," I said, "you're a real life saver, dude! But I don't have any pounds left; I promise I'll pay you back later!"

"Tsk, what the hell did you get? Don't you have a hundred and seventy pounds or something like that?" Arthur said with a laugh.

"You have no idea!" I said. I spent all that money on his guitar, so I thought it was kind of funny he was asking me where my money went.

"So, are we opening the presents yet?" Gilbert yelled excitedly.

"You're so impatient," Liz snarled, crossing her arms. The two sat on the floor. I sat down on the big couch behind me, and Arthur looked around confused once I disappeared from his line of view. He then turned around, saw me, and sat next to me.

"Well, does everybody else want to start?" Ivan asked, "We really have nothing else to do until tonight." We all responded with something similar to yes. I went to go get my Santa bag from the corner, as everyone else just had little shopping bags full of stuff, which I would have if it was not for the guitar. I was really excited to give Arthur the guitar, he told me he wishes he had one a while ago, so I'm expecting that this will be great. It was weird, though, because I was really only excited about giving Arthur his gift, probably because I spent so many pounds on it.

"Hey Alfred, heads up!" Suddenly, a soft paper hit my face. I looked at its sender, Gilbert, who was laughing.

"Say, thanks!" I yelled at him, smiling. I searched my garbage bag for his present, and then threw it at him as well.

"You boys are so rude," Liz snickered, but then threw a present at Arthur.

"Hey!" Arthur scoffed, searching his little grocery bag for what I'm guessing was Liz's present, and threw it at her. I then threw Thom and Archie's presents to over where they were sitting, Thom's totally avoiding him, but Archie got hit right in the face. I started to laugh, so did Thom. Now I had only one present in the bag, which was Arthur's, which I clearly wasn't going to throw.

"Well, here," Arthur said quietly, nudging my side with his elbow and handing me a medium sized box. Bending over, I got a good grip on the large box containing the guitar and carefully slid it out, shaking it a few times to get the bag off. "Well, that's big," Arthur said with a quiet laugh. I looked over at Liz who was making that sex hand motion with her fingers.

"Be careful with it, don't throw it at anyone," I said handing it to him, Arthur rolling his eyes.

"I think I'll open your last," Arthur said, putting my present on the ground in front of his feet, "I mean, this things huge, and you got me a sex pistol CD for no reason so I want to be surprised." My only thought was; oh you will be! I really felt like an undercover agent right now. The older kids had already started to open theirs in the kitchen, I could tell because wrapping paper was crinkling in the distance.

I tossed the final present that rested in my lap to Liz, and we all started opening the colorful paper. I started with Liz's, tearing off the shiny green wrapping paper from the rectangle-shaped box. A medium size box of ten different color acrylic paints rested beyond the wrapping paper, and I smiled. Fuck yeah, these were awesome! Acrylics have always been too expensive for me to buy, and I wasn't a big painter, but I always wanted some to practice.

"Wasn't sure if you were a big painter, Al, but hey you're an artist," Liz said to me, opening her own presents.

"Thanks Liz, they're great," I said, smiling, "I've wanted these for a while."

"Really? Yay." Next was Gilbert's, I was kind of nervous on what he got me, but after opening it I was pleased. I thought he would have gotten me some exercise kit or something, but in the wrapping paper sat a nice new sketchbook, with thicker paper for paint.

"Liz and I worked together," Gilbert said loudly, tearing apart some paper.

"Yeah no," Liz said sarcastically, "You got that idea from mine." She stuck her tongue out at the albino. Gilbert then shot a 'you're welcome' at Archie who had thanked him for a present. Thom and Archie's presents they gave to me were nothing special, but I didn't really get them anything much either. The present from Archie was an American flag phone cover, and I got a box of pretty nice sketch pencils from Thom. I mainly got art stuff, which almost upset me, because art was just a hobby of mine. Everybody says I'm really good at art and says I should be a comic book artist or something, but I'm not sure. I'm feeling more director than anything, but like I said before I don't think much about my future. But, feeling upset about my presents was pretty selfish, so I brushed it off. I looked at Arthurs present, grabbing at it at placing it on my lap.

"Hey, I still have the recipe for that, so if you don't like it let me know," Arthur said with a faint smile, avoiding my eye contact. I nodded, but I knew I wouldn't tell anyone that I didn't like there present. That's just plain old rude.

I worked at the green and red striped paper for a few seconds. A white box was in there, greeting me with its shininess. I said that classic thing a lot of children say; "Wow, a box, I've always wanted one." After my quirky little quote, I stripped off the tape holding the cover on and opened it. A brown leather jacket sat in the box, neatly folded inside, with a plain '50' written on the back in big, white, football letters. Taking it out of the box to look at the front, I carefully held it in front of me. I recognized it immediately; it was one of those bombers jackets from World War two. It had a fur collar and a small airplane on the left arm. I smiled.

Little did Arthur know, I was up close and personal about World War Two. Well, not really, my mom's side of the family was. My grandfather (who is extremely old now, we've been preparing for his death for a while) was one of the pilots of the fighter jets that invaded Europe. He wore something similar to the jacket I had in my hands, I think it was a lighter brown though with white fur on the collar, anyways, my family was really connected to World War Two because of this. I remember when Matthew and I were little my grandfather use to tell us stories about it.

"Uh, well, is it okay?" Arthur said quietly, poking me in the shoulder, "I thought about you when I saw it, so, eh," Arthur rubbed his arm awkwardly.

"Yeah, it's awesome," I said, "My family has had a history with World War Two, so."

"This is from World War Two?" Arthur murmured to himself, "Well, anyways, I'm glad you like it," Arthur finally reached for my present, as my heart exploded from the excitement. It was funny, I was more excited about giving then getting, true Christmas spirit I guess. "Time to open this baby," Arthur said, patting the large box. He put one part of it on his lap as I watched him excitedly. I shot a glance at Liz, who had finished opening her presents and was curiously watching along with me. Every time the wrapping paper peeled back just a little, I felt my heart skip a beat. I really, really hope he liked it. He must like it, he told me he'd wanted one. With a loud rip, half of the wrapping paper came off. I watched as Arthur's expression changed from neutral to shock as half of the guitar was exposed. I felt a smile curl up onto my lips.

"No way," Arthur murmured to himself, tugging the rest of the wrapping paper off, "No, fucking, way." At first I felt a bit nervous because of his tone, he sounded a bit pissed, but all doubts vanished when Arthur smiled ear to ear.

"You got me a guitar! I can't believe you got me a guitar!" Arthur said loudly, looking at me, his eyes shining with that childish glow, "Oh my god!" Arthur hugged me tightly, screaming "Thank you!" into my chest. There we go, now I was happy. Over joyed, actually. I felt really proud of myself for getting that for him, my proud side echoing through my head saying 'you're the man, Alfred.'

"I can't believe I have a guitar," Arthur said, letting go of me and staring at the box, "This is so cool, I can't fucking believe it."

"You're welcome," I said stupidly, grinning.

"God, Alfred, You actually got me a guitar, you bloody git!" Arthur said loudly, his face had turned bright red, probably from being so happy. Oh man, he made me feel so happy. I can't even comprehend the level of happy his happiness gave me, and what made it better is that I made him happy. But after the proud feeling, Arthur's body pressed against mine made my mind wander into dirty things I'd rather not talk about. Like, my crush had devolved into a strong want. Maybe seeing Arthur with another man pushed me over the edge. Thinking about his boyfriend, I suddenly realized Arthur couldn't have met him that morning. My mind started to wander, what if Arthur did 'those' things with him? I grimaced at the thought.

Arthur didn't stop smiling. We put the guitar back in my large trash bag, I told him I'd give it back in the morning, and I'd just be keeping it safe now. Soon, we heard a loud bang on the door upstairs, all of us looking up surprised at the door. I turned, watching Ivan go up the stairs. Upon opening the door, seven more teenagers piled down the stairs.

"Hey, I didn't know you guys were coming," Ivan says simply, letting all of the boys and one girl in.

"Um, Ivan?" I heard Toris mutter as the teenagers tumbled down the stairs. I got nervous somewhat, I don't know why, but I was. They made me feel uneasy.

"You guys don't mind, right?" Ivan said quietly, "It'll be fun, though!"

"Yo, Ivan, what up?" I heard one of the teenagers yell. I turned around to face Arthur, who actually looked very bored, even though he still had a faint smile. It was about nine at night now, and it had gotten colder in the basement. A sentence from behind me caught my attention, though; "Hey, Ivan, we brought some brownies." I heard laughing.

Arthur then scared me with a quiet yell, "Hey, Ivan, what else are we going to do?"

"Oh, we got something now," Ivan called back, "be there in a second." I shot a look at Liz as Ivan turned off the main light, a few lamps still glowing. It wasn't dark, well, it was, but not too dark. She shrugged as Gilbert put his arm around the Hungarian. Gilbert and I seemed the most unsettled by this, because the German's eyes had narrowed, making an expression I haven't seen him make. It was more serious than his usual cocky nature.

Ivan brought a trey over to the nightstand closest to Liz. She gave it a look, and then her eyes narrowed. They were brownies, like the guy said before.

Arthur smiled, "That's more like it." The brit got up, and I followed him, getting pretty hungry myself. Arthur picked one up, taking a bite out of it, "You sure you want one of these Alfred? They're pretty strong."

Uh, what? Like, strong taste? I paused and cocked my head to the side.

"He means there's stuff in that, Alfred," Liz said with a laugh, "I'm not sure you want those."

"Stuff?" I said, squinting.

"Like, weed, something like that," Liz said, "I'm not sure, but if you eat one of those," Liz turned to Gilbert and they both laughed, "I mean, maybe it'd be fun seeing you stoned, but I think Arthur will be enough entertainment."

"Shut up," Arthur murmured, finishing the brownie, "You haven't even seen me stoned before."

"Everyone's fun to watch when their stoned," Liz said, "Besides, you never have been stoned before."

"You guys don't remember?" Arthur laughed, "We all did, together once."

The next thing I know Arthur is on the floor, shirtless, stroking the carpet.

"Man, this is a really nice carpet," Arthur murmured quietly, stroking the grey fabric, the teenagers surrounding the back of the couch, laughing. It was pretty damn funny, but I could help but be worried. "Man, I... Ivan, you have like, a nice carpeting guy," Arthur got into the snail position, still stroking the floor. Liz snickered from the couch, pouring some wine into a plastic cup. "Wow, Archie, I swear I just saw like this tiger behind you," Arthur crawled over to Archie and Chris, "But it said bye and left."

"God you guys you must have put a lot of shit in those brownies!" Archie said with a chuckle.

"Liz, video tape this!" I called, tossing her my phone, "Just uh, press the red button!"

"I know how to work a phone, Alfred!"

"Whoa, Alf- Al... Albert… Albert has no beer!" Arthur said, slurred, pointing to me. We all laughed pretty hard at that, "Get the… Get the man some beer or something!" Arthur got up from the floor, "You know who needs beer? I need beer, put extra lemon in it." Ivan went to the kitchen, snickering, and brought back a bottle of beer to give to Arthur.

"Ah? There's no… No bloody lemon in this!" Arthur shouted, pointing to the bottle. His voice changed from deep too high in a matter of seconds, and he sounded like a clown or something.

"Arthur, we have no lemons," One of the boys said laughing.

Arthur's eyebrows raised, "No lemons? How," Arthur knitted his brow together for a few moments, as if he forgot his train of thought, "How do you not have lemons? Doesn't…" Arthur trailed off, "Oh bloody hell I'm a cake."

We all burst out laughing, Gilbert letting out a "What?"

"Wasn't there that thing, with like, when you ate the uh, brownie things, and you got all crazy… You were a cake or something…" Arthur said quietly, putting the beer bottle down on the floor.

"Baked like a cake?" Thom added with a giggle.

"Oh, yeah, that," Arthur responded, "I feel like a baked cake." This made all the older boys laugh; Liz and I trying to hold back our laughter, but a few snickers escaped our lips. Arthur walked up to the couch and messily sat on it, before crawling onto my lap. He rested his head on my shoulder, and began patting the other with his left hand, "Alfred, you're a good man, how about you get me a beer with the lemon?"

"Sorry Artie can't do that," I laughed. His breath smelt like a mix of beer, chocolate, and smoke, even though he hadn't smoked anything.

"Then, then can you sing me a song about," Arthur took a pause, "sing me a song about the tiger that's friends with Archie… And sing it good." Arthur suddenly threw his hands up, "Sing it real good!" I started to laugh really hard, and so did Liz, followed by the other boys.

Arthur looked me directly in the eyes, or he tried to, because his pupils constantly kept darting to different directions whenever anyone made a sound, "Have I ever told ya," Arthur used one hand to poke my nose, "Ever told ya how… How handsome your face is?" Arthur buried his head in my shoulder again, "You're… you're real damn handsome, with that… that thing… With the, um…" I almost felt the need to blush, but I didn't, because I reminded myself he was totally stoned. "You're a handsome little boy, handsome, handsome, handsome."

"So, what do you want to do with him?" The unknown girl said behind me.

"I want to lick his eyes," Arthur muttered, "Or something." I laughed at that comment though, that was pretty funny. "Shh, don't talk," Arthur said, putting his hand on my mouth, "We're having a moment."

"What kind of moment?" Who I presumed to be Natalia asked.

"A I love you moment," Arthur said, sloppily rubbing my cheek, poking my eye in the process.

"Ow," I whispered quietly, closing the eye that got poked. Then, a sudden warmth filled through me, and shock filled through my head as I processed having Arthur's lips pressed to mine. I didn't have enough time to think about enjoying it; the kiss only lasted five seconds long. But in that time, heat went to make cheeks, and I could taste Arthur's smoky lips against mine.

"Ooh!" Liz and Gilbert started to howl, but I didn't have enough time to glare at them, my brain was too busy focusing on the fact that I was just kissed my Arthur Kirkland. Arthur's lips clicked once he separated from me.

"That sucked," Arthur said in a murmur, "Alf... Albert… Kiss me back, you need to love me!" Arthur howled, but then started running his lips across my cheeks. Liz started to laugh, but this time I had a moment to enjoy the nice, warm lips pressed against my skin. But then my mind started to wander, not to the dirty things that made my cock happy as well, but to the negative things. Arthur is stoned, he doesn't love you like this, and he still has a boyfriend. This is wrong, Arthur truly doesn't love me, and he's just so baked he thinks he loves me. But then again, why would Arthur decide to kiss me when I was on the opposite side of the room, and he was already so close to Archie, why didn't he just do this to him? But, he has no control over himself.

Right?

I was pulled back into enjoyment as Arthur softly started to suck on my shoulder after pulling my sweater down a bit. I was probably blushing like hell, and everyone was probably laugh and teasing, but the very small orgasm I was having distracted me. The thing that I questioned was that Arthur was doing this so well, not like I thought a high person would.

I heard Liz speak up, it was extremely muffled, but I made out a sentence, "He has a crush on Arthur, so this is especially funny!" Arthur came back up to bite and tug at my ear, which sent chills down my spine as soon as he did.

"Bloody hell; take this off, will you?" I swallowed, Arthur tugging on my sweater. "Alfie, take it off!"

"Uh, yes sir," I muttered nervously. I started to quickly pull off the long sleeved shirt, and surprisingly I wasn't even embarrassed, but my conscious started screaming at me after I took it off, "Should we really do this here?"

"Oh, yeah," Arthur murmured, "Hey Ivan, do… do ya got a room we can continue in?" With that, Liz and Gilbert started howling and laughing, followed by the others.

"Yeah, r-right over there," Ivan said in between laughs. I swallowed nervously as I felt Arthurs hand grip my arm, pulling me upward.

"C'mon," He cooed, dragging me into the room. Liz shot a thumb up at me as Arthur closed the door. I felt my face turn bright red as Arthur pressed his body against me, to the point where I could feel his groin press against mine, even between the thick fabrics on our pants.

This still didn't feel right. I mean, my mind was racing and throbbing in excitement, but there was one negative voice ruining it all. The voice still saying 'this isn't right'. It wasn't right, he was high, and he didn't mean any of this. The first (and probably last) time I would touch Arthur wasn't going to mean anything to him. He was kissing and sucking on my neck in the meantime, and it was now I realized I just didn't want to touch him, I needed him to love me back truthfully, or else things wouldn't be right in my head. I felt bad, but I felt remorse for myself. It was a weird feeling of deep sadness. My first kiss by someone who didn't even love me like that.

But seeing how drunk and high he was, he wouldn't remember any of this, right?

And with that I let it all go in a forceful kiss. Arthur stood on his toes to reach me, wrapping his arms around my neck as his tongue fought against mine. I pushed his head painfully close to mine, our noses smashing together before we resumed a comfortable position. He began feeling up my chest, his fingers tickling my skin before sliding down to grab onto my ass. That was a strange feeling, but I liked it nonetheless. Arthur took my hand from his shoulder and he slid it down to his groin. I groaned loudly against his lips. But suddenly, Arthur separated from me with a quiet groan, his brows knitting together as he bent down, holding his stomach.

"A-Ah, god," Arthur murmured, "Al, I don't feel very good." I cocked my head to the side, squinting my eyes slightly, "I-I'll be right back." Arthur turned to run out of the room. I slowly following him out as he ran to the bathroom, but I just stopped by the couch.

Liz smiled at me, "So?"

"It was weird," I said gently, "He's high, he didn't mean it," I was interrupted by the sound of Arthur throwing up, "I mean, it felt good, really good actually, it just wasn't right." I sat down next to Liz; she kept asking me questions about my five minutes with Arthur. It was hard to think about the pleasure now that Arthur was now puking in the bathroom. She then pointed out a hickey Arthur had apparently given me, and I sighed.

"He won't remember anything in the morning," I said in a whisper, "Nothing's going to change. I just want to go home." I felt sick. Gilbert stared at me from the other side of the room, but the others were off doing something else. What did I just do? I kissed him, touched him, all while he didn't even love me. He won't remember this, he won't remember making me happy, and he won't remember any of it at all. The first time I get to touch and kiss him and he won't even remember, he didn't even mean it. I should have been happier, but I was miserable, absolutely miserable. Liz stared at me, worriedly. "Ah, Liz, its fine, I'll call my dad, its only ten, he'll come pick me up." I paused, getting up, "Sorry for leaving early, and I'll go check on Arthur."

"It's fine, honey," Liz said quietly, "I'm sorry you don't want to stay any longer."

I shook my head, I don't know why, but I did, "Bye Liz."

"Bye, Alfred."

I went into the bathroom where Arthur had seized his coughing, but bile still dripped from the drunken Brits mouth. I sighed, taking a towel and whipping it off. He just stared at me, so little emotion read on his face but I could see the deepness in his eyes.

"Do you want to come home with me?" I asked very quietly.

"That would be nice," Arthur said even more quietly then I did, "I'm sorry, sorry I got drunk and high, I passed out for a few seconds while you were gone… And," Arthur took a long pause, squinting his eyes, "And I don't even know where I am."

I felt my stomach sink, even though I was somewhat glad he didn't remember. Start clean I guess, even though we would never date, "Christmas party, remember?"

"Well yeah, I remember that, not much after we opened presents," Arthur sighed, "Look, I have a really bad headache, I'm kind of scared, and… Can we please just go to your house?" I nodded, my teeth grinding together. I helped Arthur up, his legs were shaking pretty bad, and so I asked him stupidly; "Are you cold?"

"Just a bit," Arthur said quietly, "I'm so fucking confused right now you don't even know." I laughed lightly.

"We can sleep when we get to your house, right? Im exhausted."

"Yeah, of course, sleep in the car if you want."

Arthur slept over that night, and nothing much happened. I walked him home early the next morning, said goodbye, and that's it. I tried my best to forget about that night entirely, but it was hard, I just felt dirty about it. I forgot Christmas morning though, even though it wasn't that much fun, it was defiantly entertaining. I mean, it's Christmas, and what do you expect? I'm still surprised I haven't cut in a while; I haven't felt the need even though I've been depressed lately. Liz texted me a few times, asking me how things were with Arthur after the party. I told her everything was okay, and Arthur had forgotten.

I cannot believe you did that with him, One of Liz's texts read.

Me either,_ I thought hard if I should write her about what we did, but I did anyways, He made me touch his crotch._

_Oh wow, lol_ Liz wrote back, _But it wasn't like rape though?_

_He wasn't forcing me to do anything_, I texted angrily,_ it felt nice, and I liked it. I just feel kind of awkward about it now._

_Okay Alfie, I g2g, let's talk later._

_Okay, bye._

I wasn't too happy with Liz, actually. She treated it very much like a joke, even though she knew it was a serious matter to me. But, I told myself I would forget, so I should at least forgive her too. But, I knew the video of Arthur and I kissing still lived in my phone. I thought about deleting it, but I thought I might need it for later events. Plus, I didn't want to forget that kiss. That first kiss almost felt real, it was so close to being real, and his lips were so warm and soft. That's the only thing I'll remember, just block out the rest. Thinking about it now, I wanted to feel his lips against mine again, just like that. Not lustful or anything, just a sweet little peck to the lips, but yet a meaningful one.

On New Year's Eve I planned to go downtown and celebrate it there without my father. The mayor usually held a ball dropping party there at twelve that was kid friendly for the most part. Most of the Christmas decorations were still up so I knew it would be a peaceful sightseeing trip, and I had fifty dollars from my mom who mailed me it as a Christmas present. At six I started getting my bike ready, since it needed some air in the tires, and my dad suggested flashers so I didn't get hit by a car. This wasn't my dad being over protective, getting hit by a car was a reality on that bridge, and four kids have been hit in the past. I attached one on the frame of the bike which was really all I needed. As I pumped the tires full of air, my attention was caught my Arthur waving to me a few houses away.

"Hey Arthur!" I called to him, waving back. Arthur ran down the street to me.

"Hey, um, Alfred, my parents are going to be gone for New Year's, so maybe can I spend it with you?" Arthur said after saying hi, watching me pump the tires.

"Oh, well, I'm going downtown," I said, looking up at Arthur, "You can come with me though." I saw Arthur smile before I turned my attention back towards closing the tire.

"Yeah, that would be cool," Arthur said, bending down next to me, "Wait, are we taking your bike?"

"Yeah," I said, looking at Arthur. The Brit looked confused.

"Doesn't that take a while?" Arthur said childishly.

"Not too long," I replied, getting up to put the pump away. Arthur followed me.

"Where am I gonna sit?"

"We can both sit on one seat," I said, "It's a good sized bike, but, shouldn't you ask your parents?"

"They already know I'll be gone, so it's no big deal," Arthur said with a shrug. I nodded and threw the pump back in the shed, walking up to Arthur.

"So, you have everything?"

"Don't know what I'd need," Arthur said with a quiet laugh. I sat on the very edge of the bike seat, which was uncomfortable, but it really didn't bother me too much. Arthur sat behind me afterward, hugging my chest to make sure he wouldn't fall off. And off we went down the street.

"Wait, don't you have a bike?" I said to Arthur, keeping my eyes on the sidewalk ahead.

"No, I don't know how to ride one."

I laughed, "You don't know how to ride a bike, wow Arthur."

"Hey! At least I can skateboard!" I began laughing harder as I felt Arthur take a large frustrated sigh against my back. Once we got onto the bridge, Arthur held onto me tighter. "What if we fall off over the edge?" He kept asking, tugging at my shirt.

"Dude, calm your shit, we won't," I laughed back, picking up speed, "its cooler looking when it's dark."

"But Alfred, look how short the railing is!" Arthur cried, whining in my ear.

"That railing stops cars from going over, we're fine!" I laughed, rolling my eyes, "Dude, trust me, I won't get too close to the edge."

"Okay," Arthur murmured into my shoulder, hanging onto my jacket still, "Are we almost there?"

I laughed at how whiny Arthur was today, "Yes, we are almost there, you can see downtown from here," I pointed towards it, but Arthur scolded me for letting go of one of the handles. My hands started to get cold after a while, but I ignored the numbness as best as I could. "They play music here at night, you can't hear it in the cars," I said.

"Oh, that's cool, I've only gone here in a car," Arthur replied quietly.

"It's all trash though, pop stuff," I bit my lip, "It's still cool though." It went completely silent besides the quiet sound of wind whistling, but soon we were off the bridge and entering downtown. Once the guardrail of the bridge disappeared I heard Arthur sigh in relief.

"Almost there," I said to Arthur, Arthur humming in response. Now that I thought about it, Arthur did have a pretty sexy voice. I mean, that accent making him say his vowels a bit deeper than normal and the overall smoothness of his voice made his voice very attractive, I bet he was a good singer.

"Alfred?" Arthur asked quietly. I held back the giggles because he was still calling me 'allfred.'

"yea?"

"Is this where you got my guitar?" Arthur said, "They're expensive here."

"You bet," I chirped, taking a turn into a parking lot.

"Cool," Arthur said, I could feel his cheeks lift into a smile against my own cheek. I stopped the bike once getting close enough to the bike rack.

"You can get off," I said, jumping off of the bike myself. Arthur carefully slid off of it, and we walked it to the bike rack together. Taking the bike's lock out of the basket in the back of the bike, I hooked it up to the rack and Arthur and I continued on our way.

"What now?" Arthur asked, "I'm kind of hungry."

"Good, me too," I said dramatically, "Wanna go to the Chicken Cottage?"

"I'm feeling more sandwiches," Arthur said, "Subway?"

"Yeah, sure," I said with a shrug, "I could eat anything right now." I pat the Brit's back as he laughed quietly. His nose had turned bright red, and so did my hands, since it was pretty cold. But, it was peacefully cold, no snow or anything, which was nice.

As we joined the crowd of a hundred on the main street, Arthur held my hand so we wouldn't lose sight of each other. His hand was a bit warmer than mine, but not by much, his hands were a lot softer than mine though. It was funny; Arthur had something that was softer about him, like he didn't have a sharp body type. That sounds weird, but it was hard to explain. He had very soft skin and features; like he had a cute little button nose and his eyes always had a cottony look to them. He wasn't out of shape or anything, actually the opposite, Arthur was quite skinny.

"Al? Do you know where subway is, here?" Arthur said in a laugh, "I feel like we're going nowhere."

"Yeah, I think it's over here," I said, dragging Arthur along through the crowd. Arthur scolded me for going too fast, but I laughed and kept going. After a while, Arthur told me to stop running so he could jump on my back. And so he did, and we ran laughing through the crowd together, two kids running about to find a subway. Finally we saw the big white and yellow sign and ran into the heated building.

It was a relief to finally have my hands warm. Arthur gracefully dropped to the floor, his boots making a quiet click noise. He sighed, "Oh god it feels so nice in here."

"Tell me about it," I mumbled, taking out my wallet, "Okay, let's get in line, I'll pay."

"Alfred, you buy too much shit for me," Arthur said with a laugh. I laughed too, unsure of what to say.

The line was short, since it wasn't even close to dinner time and Subway was more of a lunch place anyways. We quickly got our food and sat down at the warm table, the aroma from my sub begging me to bite into it.

"So, Alfred," Arthur began speaking as I quickly unwrapped the sandwich. I responded in a hum before taking a bite out of the sandwich, "You, you want to be an artist when you get older?"

After swallowing the bite I responded with a shrug, "I really have no clue what I want to do."

"Well you have to have at least an idea," Arthur said before taking a bite of his own lunch.

"I guess I just want to be happy," I said truthfully, biting into my sandwich. Arthur squinted his eyes a bit, but then smiled.

"That's a good goal," Arthur said, "Well, for a career; I guess I would want to be a musician or something." I nodded in return. Around that time was when I saw that even less of his hair was green now, it was just the ends. Most of his hair was a dull, sandy blonde.

"Dude, why are your eyebrows black if your hair is blonde?" I asked with a giggle.

"Excuse me?" Arthur said harshly, "Well, I don't know! They're just like that I guess!" Arthur stared at me as I laughed, but he broke out into giggles too after a while, "It's stupid, right?" After lunch and our fair share of giggles, we took a walk over to a few stores to peer into the displays, still tightly holding onto each other so we wouldn't get lost. After a stop by the music store we went to this pond where a ton of kids were playing. I bought some bread that we threw into the lakes and fed to the ducks, and even though there was a sign that said 'DON'T FEED THE DUCKS' we both pretended we didn't see it.

This was my favorite time, not going to those parties, doing friendly kid things together. I knew we were both fifteen and a little too old for this, it was still the most fun.

I was thinking about how happy Arthur looked as he fed the ducks, until we got chased away by this really big ass goose that wouldn't leave us alone. He chased us to a children's playground, where the kids on the playground started laughing at the goose.

"Alfred! It's gonna bite me!" Arthur yelled in a whine, clinging to my back, "Save me!" Arthur started laughing as the goose let out a honk ((gazmee goose)).

"No way! It's going to bite me!" I said in a giggle, pushing Arthur off. We ran for a few minutes, but the damn thing wouldn't leave us alone, so eventually I had to nudge and shoo it away until it waddled back to its pond.

"My hero," Arthur said sarcastically as I joined him on top of a cement wall.

"Give me a kiss for my bravery?" I asked stupidly, peering at Arthur. The Brit stuck his tongue out and flicked my temple as I gave a quiet giggle.

"Damn it's cold." Arthur muttered, scooting closer to me, snuggling into my chest. At first it ticked me off, but I reminded myself that Arthur and I were really good friends now, and he was boyfriend-less. Friends cuddled sometimes, right? I convinced myself he was just being friendly, and held him back. "Everything is warm but your hands," Arthur said quietly, taking one of my hands in his and breathing on it to try and get it warm. I smiled, his breath tickling my skin. "I like spending my time with you, it's fun."

"Yeah, it is a lot of fun," I said, smiling, "Well unless we get chased by a goose again."

"Nah, that was pretty fun too," Arthur said, "Especially when you tried chasing it away, you kept screaming if it took a step towards you."

"I was afraid it would bite me!" I exclaimed, Arthur laughing in response.

"Aw, is lil ol' Alfie afraid of the goosey-woosey?" Arthur said in a baby voice, patting the back of my neck. I crinkled my nose in return as he giggled.

After a few moments, I asked if we could get dessert. Which Arthur granted permission too, and we began to walk. Or, more like I walked, because I carried Arthur there. I called him a lazy ass and we both laughed as we made our way to a café. We both got a chocolate chip cookie and some hot chocolate, which felt amazing going down my cold throat. And while I watched Arthur finish his cookie, a single thought popped in my head.

Where the hell is my life going?

I've been spending the majority of my life waiting for something to happen. All I've been focusing on for the last three months is Arthur, how I want him to be mine, how I want him to love me. I feel like it will happen, but I know it won't. I keep acting like one day we'll go out, Even though when Arthur got a boyfriend I accepted the fact he would never love me. I'm waiting for something to happen that I know never will. I'm living on top of a pile of lies upon lies, holding onto the brink of normal with the one sentence of 'he'll never love me'. No matter how many times I say that to myself, I keep thinking about it. My mind has stumbled upon 'what will I do next if we start going out?' and its now that I realized I've been way ahead of myself all along.

And I hate it even though it keeps me going. Why it keeps me going? I don't know, humanity confuses me. I confuse myself.

Arthur and I missed the ball drop. We went back to my house before it did, because we both had gotten tired.

The way back, even without watching the annual ball drop, was possibly the best twelve o'clock ever.

It wasn't even all that fun. We got my bike and rode over that bridge. This time Arthur didn't whine like last time, he just tightly hugged my body against his while resting his head on my shoulder, watching the lights dance across the water below us.

The trashy love-pop songs seized, as a tune I recognized filled the bridge. They were playing Blackbird by the Beatles. They're playing good music, finally. The mellowness of the song made me smile. There was no wind, just the peaceful and sparkling snow; the only sound echoing through the bridge and reaching my ears was the song. I truly felt like I was in a movie, this was that perfect. The lights dancing across the water went in tune with the music, and only a few cars passed, making this even better. I felt Arthur hug me a bit tighter, not a panicked hug, a sweet one, as he buried his face into my neck.

I heard Arthur sigh gently before he spoke; "Alfred, this is perfect," his words were hushed, making them seem almost ghostly.

"Hm," I hummed in response. I knew this was once in a lifetime, I felt so strangely peaceful, like my one million problems couldn't bother me at this very moment. Arthur looked back towards the water, a faint smile on his face. I felt invincible, like nothing in this whole world could rock me. But, the song ended soon. As my fears were realized, my moment was over.

But instead, 'Hey Jude' started.

"Someone must have knocked some sense into those idiots," I said quietly, smiling. It wasn't as perfect as Blackbird, but it was sweet nonetheless. Arthur didn't respond back as he was too busy looking over the water. I shot a few glances at him, making sure he hadn't fallen asleep because he was so quiet.

Arriving home, Arthur and I went straight to bed. School was tomorrow anyways, and my dad didn't even know Arthur was sleeping over so we had to go to bed so he wouldn't see us. We slept together, because I thought it wouldn't be fair for Arthur to sleep on the floor, and I defiantly didn't want to either. Or maybe it was just my crushing side talking. I mustered up enough courage to kiss Arthur on the forehead, trying to make it seem as friendly as possible. Arthur giggled quietly as I did so. It bothered me he took my signs of affection so lightly, but I brushed off the feeling because I didn't want my conscious getting in the way of my perfect night.

"Goodnight Alfred," Arthur muttered to me quietly.

"Goodnight Artie," I chirped back, "Thanks for the awesome night."

Arthur smiled, "And thank you for bringing me."

And we went silent.

In the morning my dad had already left for work, so I woke up Arthur and we both went downstairs. I cooked pancakes, the same recipe my mom taught me when I turned eleven. It was special to me, because it was the last thing she taught me how to do, because we moved shortly after. Arthur and I left my house, and I started the walk to school while Arthur had to get his books at his house. It was actually an okay walk, I felt good, well rested, and not a single negative thought was floating around in my brain. All of the negative thoughts were hiding from my happiness.

School was gone in a flash. It was already lunch, and I hadn't been called a faggot or a freak, the day was going good. I got a few dirty looks, but those are a lot better than being called names. Last night resided in my head making my thoughts happy and mellow, and I felt really good. I went to get lunch, and very joyfully striped over to the lunch line.

But something caught my eye; it was the popular kids crowded around something, laughing. I was confused, but I kept going. It must be some stupid cat video on one of their phones they find funny. That thought comforted me until I got in line, and at this angle, I could see my android, with my phone case.

I stood, shocked. Terror filled my heart, my heart beating as fast as a drum as I realized all my texts with Liz and Gilbert about Arthur were on that, the goddamn video of Arthur and I kissing was on that! That's probably what they were laughing about for Christ's sake! You know that feeling while you watch a horror movie where everything goes silent and your waiting for the jump scare? I felt just like that. And my jump scare was Arthur walking by and leaning over to watch what most likely was my video. His expression turned from neutral to complete shock, and then his eyes found me. And he glared at me, and that forced my legs to start working. I could hear my mind repeat the panicked swears with each footstep I took towards my phone. I eventually got there, kicked the boy who was holding it and took it, holding the phone to my chest as if it were a child. My heart lurched as I saw my assumption was right, they were watching the video. I felt hot tears start to blur my vision. It was over. It was all over. My eyes fluttered upward, expecting to meet the boy who was holding my phone.

But instead, two angry green eyes burned into mine.

"Alfred, what the fuck?" Arthur shouted, I quickly backed up with that. My small rush of adrenalin had left me, leaving my body a hollow shell.

"Arthur, please, just listen for one second, I-," Arthur cut me off, following me as I tried to get away.

"No! You listen to me!" Arthur screamed, putting his hands on my chest and pushing my body back slightly. I bit my lip, I knew my friendship with him was over, and I kept biting to stop the tears.

"Look! I'm sorry!" I shouted back, my voice cracking. Arthur's eyes narrowed with a growl.

"You idiot! Why the fuck would you have that on your phone?" Arthur kept rambling on angrily, and I tried to fit in a few pleas in between his screaming. But I couldn't talk, I could hardly think. I was so scared. I had been yelled at all my life, but this was different. This was so much worse. Someone I truly cared about and admired with all my heart was calling me all these things he said he wouldn't. The one who said he cared, the one who told me not to ever leave him was throwing all those words in the trash.

"Why would you even still have that on your phone? Why would you even record that?" Arthur screamed again and again, "Why did you keep it, bastard? Tell me!" Arthur took me by the shoulder so I couldn't back up; he wanted me to answer him, badly. He stared at me, his eyes burning with such an intense fire, it terrified me.

I mustered up courage, swallowing down the knot in my throat and looking at Arthur straight in the eyes with a quite sigh. Arthur looked shocked that I did, and tears started to silently pour down my cheeks.

"Well," I said quietly, "I'm in love with you, Arthur Kirkland." A long whimper escaped my lips before a hard stinging hit my cheek, burning and tingling just below my eyes. I gasped quietly, the force painfully swinging my head to the other side. Arthur had slapped me. I didn't even have time to think as I pushed Arthur off my body and ran off. I felt a deadness swell up inside my body as I sprinted out, the stinging giving me a painful reminder.

"Wait, Alfred! Get back-!" Arthur's voice was cut off as the doors clicked shut behind me. I sprinted out those doors, and went outside the way Liz showed me, needing to get home, needing to feel relief.

And I felt at that very moment my happiness turned against me, echoing the two simple words;

"Kill yourself."

**Authors Note-**

Whoa buddy, guess who worked on this all night! A lot of stuff happens in this chapter, happy shit, funny shit, cute shit, and OH HOLY SHIT shit.

Yeah, I'm pretty into writing this. Its okay, and I actually spell checked to the best of my abilities, but grammar and spelling might still be off. Eh, hell with it I'll fix it eventually. OH HEY LOOK A SEMI SMUT-Y CHAPTER TOO. If there is random words in there that don't make sense, my apologies, this is probably because I listen to creepy pasta while I write.

Oh plus, if I get the British stuff wrong I'm sorry, because I'm American and live in America, so I'm not very good with that stuff. I know they have Subway's in England though. And I've never gone to England either so I have no visual experience what so ever!

Okay am I the only one who finds the bike ride on the way back a-dork-able? And Artie's basically falling asleep on his shoulder, awww U

Oh plus if anyone ever does fan art (which I highly doubt but just in case .-.) link me too it please, I'd love to see it :3

Eh did anyone see the home stuck reference I put in there he he

Okay enjoy this iffy chapter then .3.


	4. Chapter 4

That relief, it felt so good. Finally being able to slide the sharp edge against my skin, splitting open the old scars was the best relief I could have asked for. The tears falling down onto my cuts burnt them, like someone doused them in alcohol. It hurt, badly, but it felt so good, it distracted me from the embarrassment and the shame, but more importantly Arthur. It distracted me from him, how the one I loved so much could so easily snap and hit me. I thought it would be harder to crack him, I really did. He knew it was an accident they got a hold of my phone, I must have dropped it somewhere. Even with the amazing night we had, I bet that didn't faze his mind. And my cuts from the razor deepened as I heard Arthur's muffled yelling outside my door. I heard the song blackbird play again and again in my head as the razor easily tore my skin, small beads of blood trickling out and exploding against the floor. Not even Liz cared, she must have seen him hit me, and she didn't do anything. She didn't follow me home; she didn't make sure I was okay. The razor cut deep into a sensitive nerve on my arm, pain quickly exploding up and down my arm. I screamed and dropped the razor, a loud scream, tears blurring up my vision.

"Nobody cares!" I meant to mutter it, but it came out as a loud agonizing scream. I put my hands up to my head, trying to get the now evil Beatles song out of my head, smudging my face and hair with blood in the process. I started bawling and howling from the pain and my arms and my aching head. "Goddamnit!" I screamed, trying to get the pain out in a long scream. I continued to cry and cry, my hands starting to shake and my legs curled up into my shirtless body. Blood dripped onto the floor and onto my chest, staining my skin with the oh so familiar dark red color. I stopped sobbing almost all at once, dulling it to quiet whimpers while my teeth drew blood from my bottom lip.

"Alfred, Alfred stop crying," I whispered to myself quietly, blood now taking over my tongue, "You're okay, it's okay," I knew I was lying to myself, but I didn't care, it comforted me. I look down at my blood covered arms, "You're going to need some gauze, don't want to bleed yourself to death." But yet I wanted to die, what was I doing? I was taking care of myself like I always did, even though I really wanted to die. Why was I trying to live? Was it them? Was it the thin memory of Arthur hugging me and telling me to never leave him, was that it? But I knew it was a lie now, it had to be a lie. I lifted myself up shakily, using the sink to aid me. I opened the cupboards and frowned upon seeing that there was no gauze. I wanted to die, but I still frowned. I exited the bathroom and went towards the stairs, whispering over and over; "You're okay, you're okay." My dog joined me at the stairs, whimpering and trying to lick the cuts clean. I ripped my wrists away from her, knowing she would just get them infected. Tears still piled out of my eyes, but I wasn't sobbing anymore, that was a slightly good sign. I felt like a zombie, I felt so dead inside but yet I wanted to live. Something was telling me to live, even though I wanted to die so badly.

"You're going to have to buy some gauze," I whispered under my breath, walking downstairs, "Put on your sweater and go buy some, it will be okay, you're okay." I remember leaving my sweater outside, I was too impatient to wait until I got inside and through it on the porch. I whipped my eyes, a single bead of blood rolling down my cheek from my arm and shakily grabbed the doorknob. "Am I really doing this? Someone could see," I closed my eyes tightly in thought, but my conscious was screaming 'yes' at me. I turned the knob, trembling. I opened the door, the sun reflecting off the snow outside and burning my eyes. I checked to the left for my jacket, but it wasn't there. Turning to the right, I saw Arthur huddled up in the corner of my porch, tears silently falling down his cheeks, my sweater wrapped around his shoulders. My heart skipped a beat, I had no idea he was still there. My dead feeling swelled up as I gritted my bleeding lips together. Arthur still hadn't noticed me, he looked like a terrified animal, panting and whimpering and his eyes were wide. I could ignore him and go back inside, he hadn't seen me. But, it made me feel bad; Arthur curled up in the corner of my porch with no jacket, the only warmth being my own jacket.

"I didn't think you would still be here," I said finally, raising enough bravery from the pits of my numb body. I felt some blood drip off my knuckles as Arthur quickly turned to face me. His eyes squinted in a relieved way, but he was absolutely silent.

"This is a tad bit awkward," Arthur said very quietly, dropping my sweater, "Here, take it, sorry for using it."

I shook my head, "It's… It's fine." Arthur and I stared at each other for a few moments, his eyes going to my arms. His eyes dropped and I heard him sigh quietly.

"Can I come in?" I nodded in response as Arthur slowly got up. I went back into the house without waiting for him, my heart ramming against my chest even though I didn't feel panicked. I sat down on the couch, putting my arms to my legs to stop the bleeding momentarily. Arthur very slowly made his way into my house, shutting the door behind him before entering all the way. I felt kind of light headed from the hours' worth of crying, and I had one of those pressure headaches throbbing behind my eyes. I wanted Arthur gone, but I was happy he was with me at the same time. Maybe if he hadn't hit me I would feel better about it, but then again the only reason all my feelings resurfaced was because he hit me. Arthur sat down next to me with a sigh, the cushion underneath him pressing down slightly.

"Why are you crying?" I asked quietly, whipping my eyes again.

Arthur's brows knitted together as he spoke, "I just, I just heard you screaming and then everything went silent," Arthur smiled slightly, but not in an evil way, "I thought you killed yourself. I was terrified."

"Why?" I asked again, staring at the Brit who refused to look at me.

"Alfred," Arthur murmured in a sigh, resting his head in his hands, "Because I care."

"I don't think you do," I said quietly, crossing my legs together. Chills went up my spine from those words, even though I was the one saying them.

"I do, a lot," Arthur replied back, almost in an angry fashion, raising his head from his hands.

"Then why did you hit me?" I hissed back, a sudden burst of frustration exploding, "Why did you get so mad even though you knew it was an accident?"

"I didn't know what else to do, okay?" Arthur said back in a snarl, even louder than I had said my previous sentence. I shrunk back down, tears threatening to pour out of my eyes again, and my frustration leaving me as a hollow shell yet again.

"You don't even want to be my friend anymore, do you?" I said, my voice cracking, as I blinked a tear was squeezed out of my eye, the sick realization hitting me.

Arthur thought hard about his answer. It terrified me, why would he think about it if he wanted to be? My hands started to shake as I awaited his answer, fear filling up every inch of my body. I wanted to throw up, the fear taking up my stomach, threatening to force the food out.

"No," Arthur finally said, "I do not want to be your friend anymore."

It felt like that very room exploded with that sentence. I wanted to scream, but my shock and fear robbed me of speech. Arthur was leaving me. It was that simple, all my hopes crushed. The only one keeping me going, gone. And I didn't even have Liz anymore, Arthur would tell her, and even if he didn't I wouldn't be able to sit at their table because of the shame. I just sat there, fear gluing me to the spot, the feeling of my heart being ripped out of my body the only thing I truly felt. Hot tears stung my eyes, falling down my cheeks quickly, and gravity bringing them down. I felt even more terrible when Arthur scooted closer to me, being practically on my lap. I knew he was about to say his good byes and leave, never to see my favorite person in the whole world again.

Arthur cupped my cheek in one of his hands, bringing my head closer to his, "I think boyfriend may be a better title, hm?" He gently applied a peck to my cheek, kissing away one of many tears scrambling down my cheek. I looked down at him, shocked. He smiled faintly, "well, is it okay?" I nodded quickly, not wanting him to think I didn't want to date him. This day was a mess, happy to shock to sad to happy. But, nonetheless, I felt relief wash over me as a strong comforting sense did as well. I was okay, truthfully okay. Arthur was still here, even better my boyfriend, but I wasn't going to react like normal people did. Today was too crazy to react normally. And so I cried. I cried, tightly hugging Arthur to my chest as he hugged me back, burying his head into the base of my neck. I literally bawled, screaming and crying like a baby, clutching Arthur against me as tight as I could. I cried about everything, missing my brother, moving here, being bullied, meeting my friends, New Year's Eve, Arthur hitting me, I cried about it all. Happy and sad tears mixed together for a huge cry fest. But, the tears for the sad things were all happy tears, because I had Arthur. I was okay, and he was okay. Arthur loved me, and that made it feel better. Arthur just silently hugged me back. It wasn't like he didn't know what to say, he was letting me get it out. It was nice not being talked to while crying, because I didn't need to be soothed, I already felt good. He started comforting me with words after a while, but it was a good kind. "It's okay big guy, let it out," he would murmur occasionally, rubbing my back. After my sobbing subsided into a small whimper, Arthur took my head in his hands and pressed my forehead against his. He was smiling faintly, and so did I.

"You're okay," Arthur said quietly.

"I'm okay," I said in agreement, my voice cracking slightly, "And… And you're okay too?"

"I'm okay," Arthur said, his smile growing, "Let's get you washed up, hm?"

"Yeah, that would be nice," I murmured, whipping my eyes. Arthur kissed my forehead before sliding out from underneath me, and strutted into my kitchen. I felt my vision blur in excitement as he did so, and my leg started bouncing happily, my smile refusing to leave. Arthur came back with two warm washcloths that were still dripping wet to wash off the blood from my cuts. I smiled faintly as Arthur handed me one.

"You get your face, and I'll do your cuts, okay?" Arthur smiled airily. I knew he wasn't being himself; he was being extra nice to me because he was worried, but I don't think it was a chore for him. I liked this, he cared a lot, and it felt good. The wetness felt good on my face, whipping the red stains off my face, soaking the strands of hair with the washcloth. But the slippery blood being washed off my arms felt well, especially since Arthur was doing it. He told me to give him my other arm, in which I did, switching arms on washing my face. The best thing was he wasn't bugging me about my cutting habits, I knew he would ask later, but he knew now wasn't the time to ask.

After we finished washing off my arms I felt pretty good, actually I felt drenched in happiness. Arthur climbed onto my lap and reached up to gently caress my cheeks. He softly kissed my lips, just like his did at our party, but this time it felt better and I had a moment to kiss his back. "Hey, you're not doing this to make me happy, right?" I asked quietly.

"Now why the hell would I do that?" Arthur said, giggling. I smiled back, "I've had a crush on you for a while, probably not as long as you, but I kept denying it," Arthur said, avoiding my gaze, "I thought it was kind of weird to have a crush on my best friend, so I tried getting a boyfriend to prove to myself I wasn't in love with you!" Arthur exclaimed.

"Oh," I said, biting my sensitive lip. Arthur scolded me for biting down on my lip, saying I would re-open the cut.

"Do you want me to make you some hot chocolate?" Arthur asked childishly. I laughed quietly.

"You've done too much, I can get it myself," I motioned for Arthur to sit down next to me, the Brit shaking his head.

"Nooo!" Arthur howled, "It's my apology present!"

"I was never mad at you!" I said, laughing.

"But you know you were!" Arthur teased in a sing song voice, getting off my lap and running into the kitchen before I could react. "Do you want marshmallows?" Arthur cooed, still teasing me.

"No, its fine," I said rolling my eyes, Arthur practically reading my mind.

"Yes you do!" Arthur chirped. I laughed as I heard the microwave beep.

"It's going to be really hot," I called to him in a warning, remembering that horrible feeling of burning whenever I cooked hot chocolate.

"I'm not stupid, Alfred," I heard Arthur said before he walked into the kitchen, carrying the mug with a towel wrapped around it, "Here ya go."

"Thanks, but you really didn't have t-." Arthur shoved his finger in front of my mouth before I could talk.

"Yes I did!" Arthur said, poking my nose, "Now appreciate my kindness." I laughed at his sarcasm.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Arthur asked, "How about one of those slasher things you always want to watch?"

"Oh, well, um sure," I said, "We don't have to watch one if you don't want too." Arthur ignored my words; he clearly wasn't taking my stubbornness today. He went through my movie cabinet, "Hey, maybe chainsaw massacre if we're going to watch something violent?"

I heard Arthur give a quiet sigh as he pulled out the movie, "This?" Arthur said nervously, pointing to the case.

"Okay, how about Nightmare on Elm Street?" I said with a small giggle, not wanting to freak out Arthur too much. Really, I didn't even feel like we were dating, it was just so abrupt I really couldn't process it. I had to keep telling myself we were, because I truthfully thought I'd be happier. I was happy, just not as much as I thought.

"Oh man Al you have some messed up movies," Arthur laughed quietly, pulling out a case, "Eh, this one?"

"Yeah," I said, "That's the one." I tapped the couch as Arthur slid in the DVD into the player.

"Uh, how do I work this?" Arthur murmured, "I've never been good with the telly." Arthur squinted at the buttons on my TV.

"Uh, press the channel button until you get to channel three," I said, tapping my leg, my cuts beginning to sting again, "I'll get up and help if you want."

"No, no!" Arthur said, shaking his head, "I got it Alfred!" Arthur eventually got it, turning the TV to the trailers for the movie, "Is this right?" He asked.

"Yup," I said, "Good job Arthur, you're brilliant."

"Oh shut it, Jones," Arthur turned and got up, "I'm not taking your sarcasm today, mister." Arthur waved a finger at me as he continued to the light switch, turning it off, the TV being the only light in the room. I felt useless at the moment, Arthur doing everything for me. I guess I should let him, he still felt bad, and probably felt it was now his duty to take care of me for the day.

"Lay down," Arthur said one joining me on the couch, poking my chest, the light of the TV illuminating his face. He held a blanket in the other hand.

"Uh, why?" I probably made a really stupid, dumbfounded face, but I don't remember.

Arthur huffed, "I want to snuggle with you, git." The Brit crossed his arms as if he was mad at me for asking, "Now lay down."

"Wow, you're nice," I said with a laugh, hiding my happiness. Oh god, he was really cuddling with me, and he meant it! I could hardly contain my joy when Arthur lay on top of me, resting his head on my collar bone with a relaxed sigh. His hands curled up on the edge of my shirt after wrapping the blanket around us.

"Alfred, you're squeezing me a bit too tight," Arthur said softly, a small giggle emanating from his throat. I hadn't realized I had been hugging Arthur way too tight out of my excitement, and I loosened my grip on the smaller man with a nervous laugh and an apology. "Are you comfy?" Arthur then asked me.

"Yeah," I laughed, "I feel perfect."

"That's good," Arthur said back, "Now let's watch some sadistic bloody horror movie." We both giggled as Arthur reached up to gently tap my cheek. Oh god, I felt perfect. More than perfect, I felt wonderful. If I could pause any moment in my life and relive it again and again, now would be the time. I knew part of it was relief from all my stress, but most of it because I had Arthur.

I finally had Arthur Kirkland, grumpy old Arthur Kirkland, tight in my arms.

I had something strong to live for again.

My dad was surprisingly okay that I skipped out on half of school. I don't think he cared much, actually. He was fine with letting Arthur sleep over too, which got me overly excited. Arthur tried to steal a kiss on my cheek in front of my dad, but I shooed him away. On the walk to his house to get his stuff, I explained that my dad wasn't a big fan of gay people to him. Arthur didn't like the idea of keeping us dating from my parent, but I told him it was for the better. We had to go to bed early, because of school in the morning, but I was okay with that. I felt good about school, actually. I didn't feel as good I did the other day, but I felt okay. I walked Arthur to his house and we walked to school together for the first time, butterflies flapping around in my stomach once Arthur took my hand.

"Liz!" After Arthur parted with me to go to his locker, I went to go find Liz to tell her the great news. We had gotten to school rather late and it was busy, so I had to weave through the kids, but it wasn't that hard because I was taller than all of them. Finally I found the brunette happily talking with Gilbert near my locker, her green eyes brightly dancing over Gilbert's body. "Liz, hey!"

"Well somebody's happy today," Liz giggled, turning her attention towards me.

"Wow, Alfred's smiling at school!" Gilbert snapped his fingers faintly, turning towards me.

"Guys guess what?" I said happily, giving Liz and Gilbert a chance to respond. Liz looked me in the eye, raising one eyebrow. "It's really that hard? Me and Arthur are going out!"

"Oh my god, really?" Liz's eyes widened along with her smile, "No way!"

"Mhm," I hummed in response, "We totally snuggled all night it was awesome."

Liz started 'awing' at that, and she pulled me into a hug, "I'm so proud of you!"

"Aw, thanks," I smiled, even though I don't know why she would be proud of me. Why was I even bragging? Liz had no love interest in me or Arthur, and neither did Gilbert, Gilbert wasn't gay.

"Nice job, dude," Gilbert said, patting my shoulder.

I hummed in response, feeling pretty good. "Wow, I can't believe it; I mean I knew it the whole time, but wow," Liz said, "good for you, but I still can't believe dorky little Alfred would even want to date Arthur." Liz laughed quietly, so did I.

I shrugged, "I think he's really cool."

"And that's why it's so cute!" Liz pinched my cheeks while Gilbert snickered.

Going to class, I felt even better. I think it was because Liz was proud of me for hooking up with Arthur like she knew I would all along. It felt really good to live up to expectations, which I really don't do much of. It felt kind of wrong though, that I felt even better when I made others proud of me, like I just reached my ultimate goal but it still wasn't enough. I felt kind of empty as well, I mean, what now? Enjoy it? I feel like enjoying life with Arthur would be nice, but I feel like I have to keep going for something. Something that is actually worth my happiness, like if I get all straight A's I'll be proud for a minute, and then it will fade. It was as if my stress and drama entertained me, even though I knew it was wrong. I tried telling myself it didn't, but it totally did. I need something negative to feed off of, not something completely terrible, but something like wanting to be Arthur's boyfriend.

Third period, I had art class with Kiku. I didn't think I would tell him, but I ended up telling him. Kiku and I weren't great friends, and he hadn't heard about the whole Arthur dilemma.

"So, you know that guy named Arthur?" I asked him as we drew, "The one with the dyed hair."

"Oh, yes," Kiku said quietly, not taking his eyes off his sketchbook.

"Well, me and him are going out," I said with a smile, "I'm pretty happy about it, we've been friends for a long time."

"Wait, Arthur Kirkland?" Kiku said, his eyes squinting as he turned towards me. I hummed in response, nodding happily. I turned to look towards Kiku, and his expression almost scared me. He looked shocked and a little angry at the same time. But then he sighed, my own body relaxing as well, "Be careful."

"Be careful?" I asked, coking my head to the side. That got me panicked. Kiku seemed sure of what he was saying. He's never like that; he's normally very calm and friendly. But he didn't know Arthur as well as I did, right? Arthur was my friend no matter what. But his comment rattled me to the bone. Nevertheless I was just being paranoid, wasn't I?

"Just be careful," Kiku said quietly, his attention turning back towards his sketchbook. I gulped down the uneasy feeling in my throat and continued drawing, silently. The rest of the class was very quiet, Kiku and I both going silent. I was nervous now, and I still didn't know what he meant. Maybe I should have asked, but it was too late now, class was almost over.

I excitedly walked to lunch with Liz. I was aflame, ready to meet up with Arthur and show Liz and Gilbert that we really were dating. I was more excited about showing them then doing it, which was strange, but I was excited nonetheless. Liz and I got lunch, and since the meat there was shit, I got just a salad.

"Have you guys made out yet?" Liz chirped, sliding her tray off the counter.

"Well we've kissed," I said, biting my lip, "Like, a quick little peck on the lips."

"Boy! You gotta get some tongue in there!" Liz yelled, deepening her voice for comedy effect, "Lick his whole face if you have too!" I laughed, imaging Arthur licking my eyes like he said he wanted to when he was stoned. I stuck my tongue out. "That's it, just do that when you kiss!"

"Shut it Liz," I laughed.

"This boy is killing my tips!" Liz said loudly, smiling.

We soon sat down at the table. I usually sat next to Liz, but ever since the day Arthur got punched I had been sitting next to him. We all had these assigned seats, mine was now next to Arthur across from Liz, Arthur's was at the end of the table, and Gil's was next to Liz, and so on so forth. One of my legs bounced happily as I awaited Arthur at the table, in which he soon joined us, setting his trey down on the table with a quiet bang.

"'Ello," Arthur said upon sitting down, shooting Liz and Gilbert a few looks before turning to me, his fingers weaving in my hair to push down my head slightly to his height to kiss me on the forehead. I blushed silently as Gil and Liz started howling and awing. Arthur rolled his eyes, "You told them?"

"Yeah," I said quietly, awkwardly shifting my weight, "Is that okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine," Arthur laughed, ruffling my hair. I immediately pulled back, straightening out the blonde locks. I guess I got over protective of my hair because I loved it so much, which I think I got from my mom's years and years of taking care of my brother's much longer hair, and I had gotten jealous. Matthew always had very nice, wavy golden hair. We had the same colored hair, but his always seemed shinier and smoother, while mine was always sort of fluffy.

"So, how'd it go down?" Gilbert asked Arthur, and Arthur immediately shot a look at me. I remembered the blood streaming down my wrists as I swallowed, trying to get the ugly memories into the pit of my stomach where I couldn't see them.

"Rather not," Arthur said matter of factly. He reached over to pat my back, and as he did I giggled quietly. Liz's eyebrows rose at me, but then we went back to a normal conversation of school projects and stuff. On the way back to our classes, Arthur and I held hands again while Gilbert and Liz cooed and howled in laughter.

"We have to go on a date or something soon," Arthur said quietly, swaying our arms back and forth, "Like, first date kind of thing."

"Oh yeah, we can go out to eat or something," I replied, "That would be fun, and my dad would just think its two friends going to dinner!"

Time had brought itself to January, and it was still freezing. Even colder than December, I never wanted to leave the house. Ever. Arthur was very busy with family things that month, so I hardly got to see him, sometimes for weeks on end. I got very lonely, since Liz lived pretty far and Gilbert's parents didn't like guests. Plus, there was a ton of black ice threatening me on the walk to school. Stupid black ice, you can't see it, but it's wicked slippery. Invisible little fuckers.

On weekends I spent my days watching reruns of old TV shows and Doctor Who. I think it was now I realized how high my friends had raised my expectations, and if I didn't see or heard from anyone for a day I got really depressed and lazy. But, I did start running on a daily basis, trying my best to avoid slipping. Also, Arthur got a laptop for Christmas, so when he came over we would snuggle and watch movies on that. It was this month I had realized how happy I was with Arthur. I think it had finally dawned on me that we were truthfully together. But, the sad thing was, I always looked forward to seeing him but I couldn't see him. Well, I could, but very rarely. Liz and I occasionally contacted each other, and she told me about a project she had been working on. It was some play, but that's really all I heard about.

Oh yeah, you're probably wondering why I haven't talked about getting bullied. This is because it has basically stopped, but sometimes people give me dirty looks that I don't care about. I think Chris might be intimidated by me now ever since I showed him up, even though the incident where Arthur hit me would beg a differ. He still didn't bother me too much, despite Arthur and me going out. We didn't do too much; Arthur and I only held hands when people weren't looking. We hadn't even made out yet, nor has Arthur really touched me at all either. We just cuddled and gave each other friendly kisses and pecks. It was like a fun friendship, but my only problem was Arthur always kissed me first. I always got nervous when I was about to give him a quick smooch, but he seemed fine. It was like he didn't get as happy as I did when we kissed each other, like it seemed he saw it as a simple gesture. Or, maybe he was just more comfortable with me. I really have to stop looking at the negative side of things.

My phone buzzed on the last Saturday of January.

_Al, come over, we finished the kitchen, _and it was from Arthur. I smiled wide, this was the first time he had texted me in a while. I wasn't mad or anything, he was just busy. Since my dad was at work I hurried to Arthur's, sprinting to his house. I knocked on his door once arriving, impatiently tapping my foot, waiting for Arthur to open it.

Instead Arthur's mother greeted me at the door, "Oh, hello Alfred." Ms. Kirkland was nice lady, even though she was pretty old, already being in her fifties. She also didn't mind Arthur and I dating, same with Arthur's father. His folks were really nice.

"Good even'n," I said politely, "Artie told me to come over."

"I know," Ms. Kirkland laughed, her green eyes blinking softly, "He's upstairs, he's really missed you this week."

"Aw, really?" I giggled, tapping my hip, "Thanks, Ms. Kirkland." I made my way inside, taking off my boots on the front mat and walking upstairs, the carpeted stairs warming my cold feet. "Arthur! Open your door!" I cooed at Arthur's wooden bedroom door.

"Open it yourself!" Arthur yelled from inside, "Lazy ass!"

"Oh shut up!" I yelled back with a laugh, turning the golden nob, into Arthur's room. The Brit laid stomach down on his bed, looking at me.

"Come here!" Arthur whined, kicking his legs in the air, "I wanna cuddle! I haven't had an Alfred cuddle in so long!" Arthur took out his headphones as I approached his bed, flopping down next to him. Arthur nudged my cheek, "So, how's it going?"

"Pretty good," I said with a chuckle, rubbing his back with one hand, "How about you?"

"Fine," Arthur said with a shrug, his eyes dropping tiredly, "Sorry for making you run over."

"S'fine," I said with a laugh, "I was planning to come over soon anyways, I missed ya." My lips gently smacked against Arthur forehead as the Brit laughed quietly.

"You're such a suck up," Arthur said, smiling, "But you're awful cute with that accent."

"Stop saying I have an accent!" I said angrily, "You're the one with the accent!"

"Nuh uh," Arthur cooed, flipping onto his back, "You're in my country; you're the one with the accent."

"Whatever!" I said, childishly crossing my arms. Arthur squished my cheeks as I furrowed my brow, "Stop it."

"Punishment for having attitude!" Arthur yelled, then pulling on my cheeks suddenly.

"Ow! Hey!" We had a war on who could pull each other's cheeks harder, which Arthur eventually won once he found a pimple on my cheek and painfully popped it with his fingernail. I pouted and whined for a few moments until Arthur kissed my cheek. I rested my head on Arthur's chest while his thumb started stroking my cheek, "I can't wait until summer; I'm done with the cold and black ice."

"Yeah," Arthur said simply, "I don't mind it." We both went silent for a while, until Arthur got my attention, "Alfred?"

"Yeah?" I realized I had almost fallen asleep in those few moments, Arthur's house was pretty quiet and calming, so I guess that's why.

"I was wondering," Arthur said, taking a pause and stopped stroking my cheek, "Do you ever think about dirty things?"

"Oh yeah, sometimes," I said quietly, "Why?" I swallowed; I started getting excited that Arthur mentioned it.

"Maybe, I don't know," Arthur murmured, his hands tangling in my hair.

"You wanna do it?" I said, getting off of Arthur and rolling to the side to face him.

"Just, like, touching," Arthur murmured, slightly blushing, "Not blowjobs or anything yet, I think I'm too young to be giving those in the first place." Arthur giggled, "But I have before, so screw it." We both laughed, even though I felt a bit discouraged.

"Hey man, I gotta take a piss," I said after a while, getting off of Arthur's bed.

"Thanks for telling me, you could have just said 'im going to the bathroom'," Arthur said, sticking his tongue out. I left his room to use the bathroom quickly, and came running back. Arthur was now sitting on his bed, waiting patiently for my return.

"I'm back," I said.

"No shit," Arthur said as I sat down next to him. Arthur sighed as his green eyes studied my body, I just looking at him as he did so. His eyebrows knitted together as he quietly said; "Alfred, I really want you to touch me."

I swallowed; at this point I probably had some blush on my cheeks. Oh man, he wants me to. He actually wants me to. At this moment, in this muggy room, I was on the verge of an orgasm. "Really? I mean, uh," I said, slurred, heat going to my face.

Arthur nodded, "I know this is your first relationship, so if you feel weird about it-."

I cut Arthur off, "No, I want to," I shrugged, "but, I'm just afraid I'm going to do something wrong."

"I'm pretty sure you can't do something wrong while grabbing someone's crotch," Arthur said with a soft laugh, "But, do you want to or not?"

"I do!" I said loudly, doing a little hand motion. I felt pretty damn nervous right now, even though I was just supposed to touch him and that wasn't even that big of a deal, "I just feel awkward."

"Don't be," Arthur murmured, turning towards me, opening his legs slightly, "Just do it. Touch me, Goddamnit." I reached over, scooting next to my boyfriend slightly, and very gently laying my hand over his groin. I already felt my heart beating, even though I was hardly touching him. This was the first time I had done anything sexual with anyone, and I guess I was nervous and really excited. Arthur huffed, "Press down," while his hand found mine and pushed down on my hand. I could feel Arthur's erection poking through his pants as well as my heart against my chest.

"Damn," I whispered softly, swallowing down some spit that resided in my mouth.

"Rub it," Arthur murmured softly, just above a whisper. I looked up at him nervously, my vision blurring slightly from the excitement. Damn, I got excited over the littlest things. I quickly nodded and began massaging his groin as best as I could despite his jeans being in the way, my fingers digging into the sensitive area. I kept it up for a few more minutes, Arthur's face turning a bright red color. "Al, I think I'm gonna-."

"Uh, sorry," I said quickly, understanding the memo and letting go of his crotch.

"Don't be, that felt nice," Arthur said airily, taking a long sigh, "Do you want me to do you?"

"No, that's okay," I said nervously. I would love it if he did, it's just that I'm afraid I'm going to do something wrong. I really don't want to mess this up, and I didn't know a single thing about sexual stuff, besides the boy plus girl equals baby thing. "Can we just snuggle some more?"

"Aw, Alfie, don't be nervous like that," Arthur said with a small laugh, "damn you're cute, c'mon, let's go downstairs." Arthur smiled softly as we both got up and went to his living room. Arthur's mom sat on the couch downstairs, doing some crossword puzzle in the newspaper.

"Hey mom," Arthur said plainly, shooting a look at his mother.

"Hi boys," His mom said sweetly back, but didn't take a look up from her newspaper. I curled up in the recliner, Arthur sitting on my lap and snuggling into my chest. I kissed the Brit on the forehead, and Arthur's mom giggled, "You two are so sweet."

Spring, thank the lord, came early. It rained, a lot, but the days after were sunny and nice. Liz, Gilbert and I usually went out and did stuff. We went to the mall a lot, and since I slowly regained the rest of my money, I usually bought us lunch and frozen yogurt. Arthur and I really didn't do as much as Liz, Gilbert and I did. It worried me, like he didn't have enough time for me. But, I blamed myself as well; I didn't really invite him anywhere. I loved Arthur a lot, I just felt like it was awkward. Oh, speaking of awkward, whenever I do see Arthur, we touch each other a lot now. It was only awkward at first, but now it's just really hot, I guess. He kisses my neck a lot and feels over my chest, it's a really nice feeling. I can't describe it, but it's nice. Oh yeah, we've made out too if that matters, he was the first to make the move of course. I was pretty awkward when it came to this stuff, but once Arthur got it going I was okay. Oh yeah, plus I found out his nipples are really sensitive. I usually end up kissing them to turn him on, and his moans usually turn me on as well. He hates it when I touch him there, probably because I'm teasing him, but damn he's hot when he gets turned on. Well, anyways, I got into writing a few days ago. Weird, I'm writing this right now, but my art teacher told me I have a really interesting perspective on life. I'm not sure how to interpret that, but I think it was a compliment. So he gave me a writing assignment on my outlook on life and even though I couldn't include everything I still got a pretty good grade. And it was fun. Life was okay, now that I thought about it. I just thought to hard about stupid things sometimes. Kiku's been teaching me how to read the atmosphere, and its going pretty good. I'm not sure if it's my thing though.

And Arthur and I finally had our first date. It was April first; my dad was out on a business trip, thank god. He would be gone for three days so Arthur and I planned something special.

I returned home that morning with two cases of red wine tightly wrapped in my arms. Gilbert gave me them and said 'have fun with your boyfriend'. Wine was okay; wine didn't get you drunk unless you had a lot. I used to drink them in church, so I know that at least. I already made reservations the night before to the place we were going to.

I sat down on the couch, impatiently waiting. I was so excited, Damnit! I was looking forward to this evening, even more to tonight. I didn't know how to execute it though, I wanted our dinner to last a while so we could have fun and stuff, but I knew the excitement on what was going to happen that night was pulling my brain even more. I can't wait to feel his lips against mine, our bodies pressed together… Ah, that will be great. But I have to make dinner last, dinner would be special.

Oh I forgot to mention, Arthur told me we should have sex tonight as well.

Well, I'm not sure what he meant by sex completely. All I knew was we would be making love, and I knew I would get that feeling again. That fucking amazing feeling that went straight to my cock, woo boy. I couldn't stop thinking about it, Arthur groaning my name in my ear, his hands tangling in my hair. Man, at this point I was going to have to take another shower. At this point I noticed my leg was happily bouncing.

"Man, Alfred, calm down," I laughed quietly to myself, commanding my leg to stop, "You're going to freak Arthur out."

Someone knocked at the door. I think I know who that is. My heart jumped in excitement as I sprinted for the door. Quickly unlocking the golden lock on my door I flung the wooden door open with great strength. I caught a glimpse of my lover before he forcefully kissed me. I was shocked at the sudden attack, just standing there for a few moments until my mind caught up with Arthur's kissing. I purred against his soft lips and kissed back, bending down so Arthur could reach my face better. His hand slid up to my jaw, his thumb doing small circle movements on my cheek. His lips clicked against mine before he separated from me.

"'Ello love," Arthur murmured softly with a smile, his other hand sliding up to my face as I straightened my back.

"That was a nice open-the-door surprise," I purred, eyes half lidded. Arthur sighing in return, but a smile read on his face.

"I just like kissing you," Arthur said with a scoff, "You're not the best kisser, but you have something about the way you do it."

I squinted and cocked my head, "Really?" Arthur nodded with a laugh, "Well I think you have soft lips. Not to be awkward or anything."

Arthur pushed me to the side playfully, poking one finger at my chest, walking into my house, "That's good, that means my chap-stick is working." I blindly followed Arthur into my home after shutting the door, "So what do you have planned mister 'I'm going to spend all my pounds on Arthur'?" Arthur said before sitting on my couch.

I laughed, sitting next to Arthur and resting my bare feet on the table, "Restaurant, normal first date stuff."

"Should I have brought something fancier?" Arthur laughed, pointing to his black skinny jeans and light green shirt. Man I can't wait to rip those off of him.

"Nah," I laughed, "It's not too fancy of a restaurant."

"I swear to fucking god Alfred if you're bringing me to McDonalds-," Arthur laughed, elbowing me in the stomach playfully.

I snickered, "No, we're taking a bus there; it's about as long as a drive as Liz's is."

"How long?"

"About two hours until we have to be there."

"Cool," Arthur said gently, tapping my knee, "I'm already ready, so we can do whatever." Arthur shot a glance at me, narrowing his eyes.

"Something wrong?" I asked, my eyes widening.

"No, I just have this terrible cough," Arthur started forcefully coughing, between the fake coughs muttering, "Let's make out." Arthur then scratched the back of his head, "I apologize, I don't know where that came from."

I smiled, and so did Arthur as we both turned to each other and gently kissed. Arthur's skinny fingers brushed past my cheeks to entangle his fingers in the short hair running down my neck. My hands just simply traveled down to his hips, pushing him a little closer to my body. Arthur separated for a brief moment to turn his head to the side and then came back, running his tongue along my lips. I shuttered, the warm muscle exciting me as I opened my mouth, welcoming it in. His tongue licked over my teeth before curling around my own. Once his tongue slid back into his own mouth, I took his bottom lip in my teeth and sucked on it, a groan escaping Arthur's throat.

Arthur parted from my lips once again to take a breath, softly whispering two words; "Rub me." I hummed against his lips and slid my hand down to his groin. The Brit moaned, arching his back slightly against my touch. His skinny jeans came in handy, because I could easily feel his cock through the thin fabric. I quickly became dominant in the kissing war, Arthur now distracted by my fingers digging between his legs, my tongue messily licking the corners of his mouth and sliding against his tongue.

"Ah-Alfred, wait," Arthur pulled away from my body, panting. I took the hint to stop massaging his cock as Arthur was panting pretty hard.

"We're done?" I asked, taking a few breaths from the kissing.

"No," Arthur's brow furrowed as I felt my heart speed up. Yay. "Just give me a few moments,"

"M'kay," I muttered, turning my head to look at the TV. Until my attention was caught by the dull sound of a zipper being undone. I gulped, turning my head towards the stripping Brit.

"I'm keeping my briefs on, don't worry," Arthur said, "getting naked is for tonight, and you should take your pants off too." Damn he was a lot more demanding then I was, doesn't even ask my opinion. But I didn't bother me, because damn, he's taking his pants off. I felt my lips tug into a smile as Arthur's pants fell and he started undoing my pants for me, "Clearly you're not getting the message here." I slipped off my jeans after Arthur undid the zipper and button. "Okay, Alfred, you're okay with this?"

"Of course," I muttered with a smile, slipping my pants off with a final tug. It was hard not to stare at my boyfriend, the bulge in his briefs even bigger than mine. His index finger poked at my chest and I took that as a sign to lie down. The arm of the couch hit my head, but I didn't care, I was excited.

"What are we doing exactly?" I said with a small laugh, looking at Arthur's forest green eyes. The Brit smiled, lying on top of me, his fingers twirling in a strand of my hair.

"You're so cute," Arthur teased with a smile, "You'll see, baby." I felt my cock twitch at the comment, my eyesight blurring. His fingers curled up under my chin, a purr emanating out of the Britons lips. His pale arms snaked around my neck as he started to move, causing our erections to rub together. I moaned quiet pathetically, his lips trailing up and down my neck, "I'll go slowly if you want me to, big guy."

I knew he was trying to seduce me, and damn it was working. But there was something shaky in his voice telling me he was really excited as well. I smiled, my fingers entangling in his hair, "That's okay; don't try acting so tough, you're pretty sensitive too."

"You just killed the mood!" Arthur hissed, his hips stopped rolling over mine. I laughed as Arthur flicked my cheek, "I could smack you so hard right now."

"Eh, c'mon, we can get the mood back, hm?" I said, furrowing my brow as a hand traveled up Arthur's shirt. It's a good thing he didn't notice me until I was already caressing his left nipple with my thumb. Arthur bit down on his lip to stop the moan from coming out of his mouth, but it still surfaced a little. I smiled, hugging him close to me and nipping at his ear.

"You're such a tease," Arthur growled, his hands pulling at my hair. I laughed quietly before letting my tongue circle his ear. Arthur sighed softly, pushing his head against mine so our temples touched. I was mad at myself for killing the mood, but it was still fun to tease Arthur. No matter what situation, it was always fun to tease him. Trying to work the mood up again, I bit down and sucked on his neck, leaving a small purple mark. I gently kissed the area afterward.

"C'mon Artie," I purred, quietly, kissing his cheek. Arthur sighed and muttered something I couldn't hear before he started to grind his body against mine again. Pleasure filling my body, I started to move as well. We both started to pick up the pace, I moving faster, growing desperate to get closer to him. Our hips rolled against each other's in a swift motion, smoothly and oh so nicely. Arthur's panting turned into short groans and yelps as his fingers curled tightly around my shoulders. I knew he was reaching the edge, so was I. I could feel pulsating in-between my legs and it was starting to hurt. Arthur moaned my name loudly in my ear, sending me over the edge. I was about to come, but suddenly the door burst open. I whimpered at the sudden sound of my door being slammed open. Arthur stopped, looking over his shoulder.

"Hey Alfre- oh!" Liz stood at the door, Gilbert looming behind her, "Oh, oh god I'm sorry!"

"Liz! What the fuck!" Arthur shouted angrily, getting off of me. I sat up embarrassedly, grabbing my pants to cover up my erection.

"Well at least you're not naked!" Liz said nervously, Gilbert starting to laugh. A smile crept up on my face.

"Thanks you guys," I laughed, sighing. I slipped on my pants as Arthur gave a lecture to Liz about knocking. I put my pants on as Arthur angrily shouted at the two of them, and they must have been laughing pretty hard, Arthur standing there with a boner. I sighed, my hands running through my hair trying to soothe the skin that Arthur was pulling on. I felt the couch dip as Liz sat next to me, followed by Arthur who sat on my lap instead of the couch. As if a reflex, I wrapped my arms around the frustrated Brit, who was still in his briefs. I rested my head on his which seemed to annoy him, but I did it anyways. Arthur was cute when he was angry, and funny.

"So, what have you guys been up too?" Gilbert cooed, sitting down next to Liz, the springs in the couch clicking. Arthur growled as Liz and Gilbert giggled.

"Well, any who, sorry about bursting in on that," Liz giggled, tapping her knee, "but we heard your dad was out of town, Alfred, so we were wondering if we could come over tonight with a few friends?"

Before I was able to speak, Arthur hissed a "No way! Alfred and I have plans!"

"What about after your plans?" Gilbert cooed, "Can we come over after that?"

"No!" Arthur growled, his head bobbing upwards hitting my head. I recoiled and rubbed chin, deciding it would be a good idea not to rest my head on his right now.

"No Artie, its fine, they can come over," I said, Liz smiling and Gil sticking his tongue out at Arthur.

"But Alfie!" Arthur whined, pouting his lips, "We were gonna-!"

I cut Arthur off, "On a few conditions, Liz!" Liz and Gilbert looked at me, there smiles fading, "We will be back at nine o'clock, you can stay for two hours exactly! You must give Arthur and I some alone time, and not bug us about it, and you have to bring my friend Kiku!" My friends groaned, Arthur giggling and kissing my shoulder. "See man, I got things covered," I laughed, bending down to mutter in Arthur's ear. The Brit laughed and hugged me.

"I think we should get going soon, Arthur get your pants on," I laughed, pushing my boyfriend off of my lap. Arthur grumbled something as he got his skinny jeans from the floor, slipping them on.

"You guys are party poopers," Liz said, but then she smiled, "See you tonight, Alfie." She pulled a small string of hair sticking out of the front of my head as the two left. Gilbert gave a dorky wave before shutting the door.

A now wearing pants Arthur crawled onto my lap again. "You're good at that, you got them satisfied and me satisfied," Arthur whispered into my ear, playing with a strand of my hair. I hummed in response, doing small circles on his back with my finger. "Your mouth tastes like chocolate and cotton candy," Arthur then teased jokingly in my ear before pulling away from me with a smile.

"Well you taste like tea," I said back, walking to my front door after grabbing my leather wallet and shoving it into my back pocket. "We gotta get to the bus stop at the end of the street," I said while opening the door for Arthur.

"Noo," Arthur said sarcastically, walking out of the door frame. I followed him and shut the door behind me, "Carry me!" Arthur shouted turning around to face me, putting up his arms.

"Lazy ass," I snickered, scooping up my boyfriend. He wrapped his arms around my neck and wrested his head on my shoulder. I clumsily made my way to the bus stop, it being hard to carry Arthur and walk at the same time. He wasn't heavy, he just felt awkward in my arms, his legs being wrapped around my torso, making my steps tight and heavy. But the bus stop wasn't to far, and I got there quickly.

**Authors note-**

**Beep boop, splitting this into parts. This chapter was supposed to be long and won't be a couple more days until I finish it, so I just wanted to give you guys this so the wait is shorter. Surprisingly, this story is close to an end. Maybe three more chapters, around there. This would be longer, but I have been dried of creativity.**

**So yay finally their together whoopty doo.**

**And some smut. I'm not good at writing smut but I try so yeah. You don't know how hard I'm trying not to turn this into one of my cuddles n' snuggles fanfics that are too pointless to post. Fucking cuddles I love that. **

**Originaly there was a fair they went to (Gilbert and Alfred were being total dorks) and Alfred won Arthur some shit but it was too cheesy so I cut it out. Sorry if anyone wanted that.**

**WELL HERE, PART ONE TO CHAPTER FOUR**

**Its okay not my best but still .-.**


	5. Chapter 5

We quickly boarded the bus once it came, Arthur still clinging to me. It looked funny, and Arthur started to laugh as I waddled to a seat. I threw him down on a seat, quickly sitting next to him.

"Thanks for that," I laughed, Arthur smiling joyfully, as if saying 'you're welcome'. I patted his shoulder as Arthur started to talk to me.

"I'm so excited!" Arthur chirped, pulling on my arm, "This is going to be so much fun! Especially tonight!" Arthur started poking me in the shoulder, his smile making me smile. I felt really proud to make him happy, since Arthur was really grumpy, it made me happy to see I was one of the few to get him smiling so easily.

"I know me too!" I said, smiling. We sounded like two little eight-year-olds, basically bouncing in our seats. Arthur soon started to kiss my hand and stuff as I just bounced my leg up and down happily. "This is gonna be great, Artie!"

As the bus pulled up to our stop it started to rain lightly, normal British weather. "You're carrying me there!" Arthur chirped playfully, stepping off the bus. I watched his feet carefully, making sure he didn't fall.

Once he safely got down I then squinted, smiling, "No way!" I sprinted off down the sidewalk, Arthur running after me, his curses fueling him.

"Ah, Alfred!" Arthur called panicked from behind me, my playful nature quickly turning into fear, picking up the panic in his tone. I stopped running and quickly turned, but to my surprise I met with Arthur jumping on me and wrapping his legs around my torso, "Tricked you!"

I groaned jokingly, my arms wrapping around Arthur's back. I kissed him on the nose and Arthur giggled, his hands tapping my neck. Arthurs smile was one of the best things I would ever see, I knew it. His forest green eyes squinting in a childish manner, and a cute toothy grin, Goddamnit he was adorable. When he got happy, damn you knew he was real happy. The small drops of rain started to soak through my shirt, and my lips curled slightly at the cold feeling, "Common, let's go."

"Well you're the one walking," Arthur cooed, resting his head on my shoulder with a relaxed sigh, his hand curling around the collar of my jacket, the other playing with strands of my hair. I don't know why, but whenever he snuggled up to me like this, I felt really protective. Maybe it was because of the time Arthur got punched and hugged me, but whenever he got all cute, I always promised myself I would never let anything happen to him. I wonder if Arthur felt safe in my arms, I sure hope he did. I wanted him to feel safe around me, I really did, the only problem being I didn't know if I could keep him from ever getting hurt. I was shy unless someone got me really, really mad. If someone was just yelling at him that wouldn't be enough to set me off. That scared me, a lot. I hope I could, I really did.

"Alright, the Alfred train has stopped it's time to get off," I said once arriving at the restaurant, making train noises with my mouth, "Its time to get the fuck off the Alfred train."

Arthur laughed, flicking my cheek before jumping off of my body, his boots making a quiet click on the ground. We walked up the steps to the deck on the restaurant, my smile expanding. I quickly ran ahead of my boyfriend to open the door for him. "You're such as suck up," Arthur laughed, walking in. I clumsily followed my boyfriend in, letting the door slam behind me. There was a couple in front of us, but they were quickly led to their table by a waiter. As I stepped forward to the booth, a young man, probably in his twenties, stood at the booth. He didn't pay me any attention as I stepped up to it to tell him my reservation, my fingers curling up around the wooden edge.

"Uhm, Alfred Jones, reservation for six o'clock!" I chirped, leaning over the wooden pillar. The black haired man looked up at me, looking somewhat annoyed before he searched through a small book on the counter.

The black haired man looked up at me, squinting angrily, "You mean for four."

"Four?" I said, cocking my head, "No, six."

"You're reservation was for four o'clock, you're two hours late, thus you're reservation no longer stands," The man behind the counter said, frustrated.

"Wait, no, that," I swallowed. Hard. Shit. My mouth fell slightly open as my eyes widened, a pang of guilt hitting my chest, "That's not right; I swear I put it in for six!"

"Well, you didn't kid! You're holding up the line!"

"No, wait, do you have any room?" I said, to panicked to process the man's rudeness.

"Not for another three hours," The black-haired man hissed, "gonna have to come again, now move!"

"Oh, uh, okay, sorry," I said, my tone dying down into a small whisper. I stepped to the side as a family stepped up behind us. I gulped. Did I really get the times wrong? Man, I'm an idiot. I just ruined our first date, Goddamnit, I'm such an idiot. This was supposed to be special, but clumsy me had to screw everything up. As we walked out, Arthur's fingers entangled in mine, but I didn't look at him. Arthur's dating a complete idiot, and not in a good way. If I can't even manage this, then what can I manage? I can't protect him, I can't make him feel special or anything, I just screwed up possibly the simplest thing ever. I softly bit down on my lip as I pushed the door open, and even in my sulking I was still careful to make sure Arthur wasn't caught in the door. We sat down the patio together, Arthur snuggling up next to me, but I ignored him almost completely. I closed my eyes tightly before speaking.

"Hey, I'm really sorry," I whispered, "I screwed up."

"That's okay, love, we all do," Arthur said back, his arms wrapping around my torso, resting his head on my chest. A couple walked out of the building and gave us a dirty look, but I didn't pay much attention to them.

"No, this was supposed to be special," I said a little more sternly this time, "And I screwed it up."

"No, it's still special," Arthur said quietly, "One day we're going to look back at this and laugh about how you messed up the times and it will all be good." I frowned at the comment; it bugged me a little bit more than it should have. Arthur sighed and softly kissed my cheek, knowing that that comment hadn't made me very happy. His lips were colder than normal, so I held the Brit closer to my chest.

"You're cold," I muttered quietly, Arthur nuzzling into my collarbone.

"Yeah," He giggled quietly, hugging me tightly. The rain slammed against the ground behind us. I sighed, a small smile crossing my lips, Arthur seemed happy I was holding him.

"We're going to have to wait until another bus comes," I said, my fingers entangling in his hair.

"That's okay," Arthur said airily, "As long as I'm with you its okay." I felt so deeply touched by that comment I let out a small gasp before hugging my boyfriend close. I felt like crying, I don't even know why. He really loved me, I could feel it, and now I was sure. Oh god, I loved this warm feeling so much. Even if he didn't love me like this and was still my friend, that comment would have had the same effect on me. My lips kissed the back of his neck before hugging Arthur tightly to my body, to the point where I could feel his heart against mine. Arthur hummed quietly, resting his head against my neck, his hands tucked into my shirt. I smiled. Okay, this was nice. Arthur was shaking in my arms, probably because of the cold that I couldn't feel because of my jacket. We soon got up and walked back to the bus stop. I gave Arthur my jacket, the poor guy looked freezing.

We held hands the whole time.

I felt okay now, sitting on the curb in the rain by the bus stop, Arthur's hand curled in mine. His hair glued to his face, the Brit staring into nothingness, his bright eyes reflecting the rain. "I hate the rain," I said quietly after a while, awkwardness creeping up on us.

"Yeah, sometimes it is okay," Arthur said, turning his head to me, "you look sad, don't be sad."

"I'm okay," I giggled, patting my boyfriend's back with my free hand. Arthur smile, nudging his nose against my shoulder.

"This jacket is way too big," Arthur laughed, showing me how the sleeves reached his fingertips, "But then again, you're pretty big."

I laughed, "Yeah, I hate being tall, and my shoulders are too wide."

"Why?" Arthur said, squinting at me, "I think it's handsome." Arthur reached up to pinch my cheek, I recoiled after, grinning.

"Really?" I asked, rubbing my cheek.

"Yeah, you're very handsome," Arthur cooed, almost in a teasing voice, but I knew he was telling the truth. Arthur gently tickled the skin under my ear as I giggled childishly.

"Cut it out!" I cooed, smacking his hand away playfully. We teased each other for a while, pinching each other's cheeks or pulling earlobes. It was weird, we really loved to torture each other. Well, I liked teasing him more then he teased me. Arthur liked to act cute around me to get me all happy and stuff, and I go along with it. I know he's doing it purposely, but I don't want to ruin his fun, and plus he is cute.

"Bus!" I shouted, the bus running up the street. Arthur screamed at back as we both laughed at ourselves.

"When we get back, how about we open the wine and cuddle a bit, eh?" Arthur said as we got up, nudging my shoulder, "until Liz comes of course."

"That sounds good," I said, smiling.

"And after Liz leaves, we do the "you know what," Arthur winked at me having to angle his head to look up at me, I smiled, taping his shoulder. Rain dripped down my face and now shaking arms, but I really didn't care. "You might want to change as well."

"What about you? You can use one of my shirts," I said, almost laughing at myself after the words came out. My shirts are to long for Arthur. Way, way to long.

"Alfred," Arthur rolled his eyes, "Look at you, you're huge, and I'm tiny."

"You're not tiny," I shot back, "You're average and I'm tall."

"Maybe hanging out with you so much makes me feel short," Arthur giggled, "I have to turn my head to look you in the eye." I shrugged, I always felt bad about being tall, I was even a bit taller than my dad. It was weird being six feet tall, especially since I'm young, and I have no idea where I got my tallness from. Matthew's tall as well, but I'm about two inches taller than he is.

Arthur and I boarded the bus, and I playfully shoved him up the steps to the bus. Arthur hissed as we boarded the bus, the whole vehicle was silent. There was only one other on it who sat in the back, but we paid no attention as we sat in the front. Arthur almost immediately snuggled next to me, his wet hair felt like a mop against my neck. "I'm cold," Arthur muttered. He had my jacket, but the thing didn't fit him well, so I guess the cold crept in. "I don't have the muscles to hold this damn thing on my shoulders," Arthur said, adjusting my jacket on his shoulders.

"I'm just larger then you," I said, not wanting to make Arthur feel bad about not being as strong as I was.

"And stronger," Arthur muttered, "But you exercise and I don't, it makes sense." Arthur hugged my body, re positioning his head onto my chest. I leaned against the cold window, allowing Arthur to lay on top of me. Arthur hummed tiredly and flicked the side of my arm. I flicked him back, but then after held his head to my chest. This was it; this kind of stuff gave me that nice warm feeling. It made me smile, the way Arthur would hum or sigh. It was the little things that made me happy, and the things like that showed me he trusted me and was relaxed.

I had to carry him back to my house, Arthur whining for me to carry him. Once I finally agreed Arthur giggled a "I love my Alfie," in his acting cute voice. He then kissed my cheek sweetly as I chuckled. Upon reaching my house though, about to let Arthur down, the Brit started to sweetly murmur: "No, bring me to the couch, Alfie.."

"You're such a suck up," I muttered into his ear with an eye roll.

Arthur laughed in return, "I know. But I like it."

"Imagine if I did that," I said, patting Arthur's back. I dropped him on the couch from my arms, which Arthur glared at me for not letting him know that I was going to drop him. "I'm going to go get the wine, be right back."

"Okay, have fun," Arthur murmured sarcastically, laying down on the couch. Taking the wine bottles out of the fridge, I popped them open with my dad's cork thingy. I'm not sure what they're called, but they look cool as far as I'm concerned. I poured the blood red liquid into two wine glasses and then countuied my way into the living room. I gave the glass to Arthur who immediately drank some, making a thinking face. He sucked on his tongue before raising his eyebrow in a 'this is okay' kind of face.

Sitting down next to Arthur I put my arm around him and smiled. Arthur didn't smile back though. I squinted, discouraged the Brit hadn't smiled back. "Hey, Al, can I talk to you about something?"

"Wait, are you breaking up with me?" I said loudly on the verge of shouting. Arthur started to laugh.

"No, love, I'm not breaking up with you," Arthur said smiling, "Nothing of the sort." He patted my leg and I sighed in relief. "But its somewhat serious, I eh, never asked you about your cutting."

"Oh," I muttered, "That." I bit my lip, turning away from my boyfriend's gaze. I expected this conversation, why didn't I get ready for it? But either way, a smile landed on my face, "I haven't done it since then, Artie, I'm really happy now."

"And you're not going to do it again!" Arthur hissed, crossing his arms, "And you're going to show me where your razor is so I can throw it out!" I gulped down, hard. Even though I moved on from cutting, I felt close to my razor. Kind of like your first stuffed animal or your blanket from childhood, I felt mentally attached to that thing. "Alfred," Arthur growled, "Show me."

"But I," I paused, "I can't do that," I wanted to lie that I already did, but Arthur's gaze was burning into my skin.

"Let me see your arms," Arthur said, a little more quietly but just as intense. He took my arm in his hand, studying the zig zag scars across it. "That's no good," Arthur muttered, "You need to stop."

"I did," I said quietly, "I-I mean, I have."

"Then throw away the razor!"

"I can't, what if I need it?"

"You won't need it since you've stopped!"

"But, Arthur," I trailed off, I have no argument. Or, a reasonable argument, at least.

"Fine," Arthur hissed, glaring his teeth, "But you better not hurt yourself, hear me?"

"Got it," I said hushed, Arthur's words damaging me somewhat. Shouldn't he comfort me or something? Not this, not yelling at me. It pissed me off a little more than saddened, this is something really serious to me, and shouldn't he be stroking my hair and holding me like normal? Whispering in my ear, hugging me, kissing me? Well, whatever, it just rubbed me the wrong way.

"I'm serious Alfred," Arthur narrowed his eyes, "You're never doing that again no matter what happens, do you promise?"

"Yeah, I promise," I muttered quietly, putting my head in my hands. Nice way to ruin the mood, Arthur. I went silent, not sure what else to say. I was kind of pissed though, so I didn't feel awkward. But after a few moments, Arthur hugged me tightly.

"I'm sorry, I'm just worried," The Brit said, one hand rubbing my cheek. That's more like it. "I just wanted to get my message to you. Because it's really serious Alfred."

"I know it's serious Arthur! It's the only thing I had!" I said almost in a yell, and even though Arthur wasn't mad anymore, his sentence was incredibly stupid. I know that it was serious, you don't need to tell me that it is. I knew what I was doing and that it was wrong, but it felt good. And don't tell me that its bad, it makes me feel worse. I knew it was but I kept doing it.

Arthur was shocked at my reaction, just a little, he wasn't used to seeing me raise my voice. It's probably only happened three times, and I've never raised my voice at him before. I didn't feel bad, it was more of a 'that's right, I can fight back' kind of feeling. He wasn't arguing, but I felt good about what I did. Arthur took a breath before speaking, "But you have me now."

"I do, and that's why I've stopped," I said simply, shrugging a bit.

"But what if you don't one day? What if you-," I cut Arthur off, the sentence smacking me in the face.

"What are you insisting? You say that so simply! I would never even think about something like that!" I shot at him, scaring Arthur a little. I don't think he was scared of me, just surprised I was yelling at him. I wasn't even yelling that loud.

"I know! I'm not either! I'm just thinking that if we did-!"

I cut him off again, "You just said you weren't thinking about it!"

"Alfred, please!" Arthur screamed, his eyebrows furrowing, his scream making me grow quiet. I sunk back down on the couch quietly, regretting to yell or get mad at him. What the hell was wrong with me? I felt good about yelling at him, fighting back, I was one sick person. I swallowed; did he even love me as much as I loved him? I wouldn't blame him if he didn't; I'm a total jerk…

"I'm just worried about you, okay?" Arthur said quietly while placing his hand on my shoulder. He cocked his head upward to kiss me on the cheek, and I quickly looked back to my boyfriend.

"Artie?" I softly said, Arthur beginning to rest his head on my chest silently, "You okay?"

"Im okay, but your not."

"I'm fine," I said, "I don't cut anymore."

"But you're still broken," Arthur said, muffled by my shirt, "Ever since that night you slept over and I hugged you for the first time, you've always had this look."

"Look?" I asked, "How so?"

"Well, you lose it when you're really happy, but you always look like; numb," Arthur got off of me and squinted, "Like, I don't know, you just look empty. It's scary."

"Well, sorry," I muttered.

"No, its not your fault, I'm just worried," Arthur bit his lip, "I keep saying that."

"But I'm okay," I said quietly, patting Arthur's neck.

"You promise?"

"Yeah, I promise," I ended up smiling, "Just tell me when I look empty or whatever, okay? I'll try to fix it."

"Alfie," Arthur said, laughing a bit and rolling his eyes. The Brit kissed me softly on the lips after ward, "Should we watch a movie or something?"

"Sure, pick whatever," I said with a sigh, the taste of Arthur's mouth still on my lips. He tasted like warm tea with a pinch of honey, and apparently I tasted like chocolate flavored cotton candy. Damn I wish I could kiss myself that must taste good.

"And we can snuggle?" Arthur asked, cocking his head to the side, "and kiss?" I nodded with a smile as Arthur laughed, "I really like touching you."

"I know," I said, "I can see that." I laughed, ruffling Arthurs hair. My boyfriend flinched, surprised by the sudden movement, "Your so damn adorable."

"Really?" Arthur smiled, "how about… Sexy?" Arthur said it in a sing song voice, and I chuckled quietly.

I hummed in response, "Very." Arthur's smile lit up with a laugh as he went to go pick out a movie. Damn, he had the nicest smile. Maybe it wasn't perfect, his K-9 teeth were kind of crooked and very pointy looking, but still, his smile made me so happy. Maybe it's because he only smiled so much around me, and that it felt good making him happy.

After Arthur picked out a movie we both snuggled up together on the couch, Arthur kissing me before relaxing. Apparently his pick was Friday the Thirteenth, even though he hates watching my horror movies. When I asked why, he responded with 'you always want to watch that one.' During the trailers we kissed again, Arthur moving against my body, his hips slightly grinding into mine, I humming in pleasure against his lips.

Just as my tongue gained entry into Arthur's mouth a loud screeching noise came from the front of the house.

"Eh?" Arthur pulled away from me, a trail of spit coming from our lips. Arthur's expression quickly changed from drowsy to aggravation. "Liz!" Arthur rolled off of me to my displeasure, I frowned as I turned to face towards the front of the living room.

"Shit! They're home, retreat!" Liz laughed. I saw her slim figure climbing in through the window.

"Liz, are you trying to break in?" I yelled with a laugh.

"We got bored, okay?" Liz laughed, "We call it 'break into Alfie's house to steal his nutella.'"

"C'mon, Liz!" Arthur groaned, "Me and Alfie were having sexy time!"

I laughed at the sentence, hugging Arthur from behind, "Yeah, cuddling is very sexy."

"But I rubbed against you! You felt that, right?" Arthur hissed his foot stamping onto mine.

"Course," I muttered into his hair, Liz giving a quiet giggle.

"Do I have to go through the door?" Liz spoke up.

"Yes," I laughed, "You're going to break my window." Liz grimaced at me and jumped out my window. Shortly I met with Gilbert at the door.

"Sexy time, eh Arthur?" Gilbert laughed, Arthur scolded him after. I welcomed Liz as Gilbert and Arthur continued arguing. Liz patted my back as Kiku followed in.

"Hey! Kiku didn't expect to see you! I thought these guys would'a forgotten!" I laughed, pulling the smaller man into a hug. Kiku patted my back quickly.

"Good evening," He said once I separated from him. I smiled, happy that my art class friend was here. After we all sat down, the moving still playing, we all quickly engaged in conversation.

"So, why the hell are you guys so early?" Gilbert said, "You totally ruined our surprise plan!"

"Mister I got it covered here messed up reservations," Arthur laughed, tapping my shoulder. I giggled, looking down at him and playfully nudging his side.

"Okay, so, Kiku bought this Japanese candy shit, and we're gonna play a game with it tonight," Liz chirped, "Um, whatsit called?"

"Its called the pocky game," Kiku said, pulling out the box of candies from his pocket, "Two people are randomly chosen, and the two put the pocky stick in both of their mouths and do the lady and the tramp thing." He taped the box.

"So, whats the point of it?" I asked Kiku, cocking my head slightly.

"Whoever flinches first loses."

"Sounds fun!" I chirped, clapping my hands together.

"Good thing almost all of us are boys," Arthur laughed, "Unless I have to kiss Gilbert, if I have to kiss Gilbert I will die."

The next thing we know an hour later, Arthur and Gilbert are face to face with the pocky stick in-between their mouths.

"Pucker up Arthur!" Gilbert laughed while taking another bite of the candy.

"This is so foul!" Arthur shouted, taking another bite of the stick reluctantly. Liz and I cheered them on as Kiku videotaped them on their phone. "Oh god Gilbert, stop eating it so fast!" Gilbert hastily ate the last few bites between his mouth and Arthur's, taking his hands to slam their hands together. Liz and I started howling, a smile spreading against Kiku's lips.

"Oh god!" Arthur stuck out his tongue, pushing away from the albino, "Gross!" Arthur started to cough, "He tastes like beer and cigars!" Liz and I started laughing, Gilbert joining our laughter. Arthur walked over to me, "Kiss me! I need this disgusting taste out of my mouth!"

"Ew! Well I don't want it!" I laughed, pulling back.

"Ugh, Alfie, I need your cotton candy taste in my mouth!" Arthur pulled my face down to his as my tongue flickered across his. He pulled away, then made a sour face. "Damnit! Still there! Liz, how do you even kiss him?"

Liz started to laugh while she playfully smacked the back of Gilberts head. "Okay, who's next?" We all sat around the table, flicking the used beer bottle from my dad's recycling bin. The brown bottle stopped spinning and landed on me, and I smiled. "Looks like I'm going to be kissing one of these lucky bitches!"

A few seconds later Liz and I have the pocky stick in our mouths. "I wonder what gay guy tastes like," Liz said with an eyebrow roll. We quickly bit into the candy, and since we had gotten so close this really didn't faze us much. Soon, Liz's lips are on mine, as I scooped her off the floor and spun here.

"Holy shit! Alfred really does taste like cotton candy!" Liz laughed, "Like, it's the strongest cotton candy taste."

"I don't even eat cotton candy; I'm just cool enough to be blessed with its fragrance," I said using the best French accent possible. I set Liz back down on the floor. The kiss felt nothing much, nothing more than two friends screwing around.

Afterwards we all went to sit back down on the couch and finish Friday The Thirteenth. "Ow!" A shriek from Arthur all caught our attention, "Fuck!" Arthur jumped up to hold his foot, leaning against the wall.

"Artie?" I laughed, "Did you stub your toe?"

"Shut up! It hurt!" Arthur's face had turned bright red. Liz laughed as her, Gilbert, and Kiku went into the living room.

"Aw, poor Artie," I cooed, picking up my boyfriend and carrying him into the living room a few feet away. I set him down on the couch. The look on his face was quiet sexy, actually, his brow furrowed and cheeks (a now fading) shade of red. "Do you want me to massage your foot?" I happily chirped in, Arthur's expression relaxing.

"That would be great, love," Arthur sighed, crossing his arms.

"Okay that's it, these two win the cutest couple award," Liz said, sitting on gilbert's lap, "I'm dead serious."

"Why? It's just a friendly foot massage," I said with a laugh, kneeling down on the floor to dig my fingers into Arthur's foot.

"Just look at that! It's so damn cute!" Liz said, bouncing in Gil's lap. Gilbert laughed. "See, his feet are probably really dirty, but you're touching them anyways!"

"My feet are not dirty!" Arthur hissed, but let out a hum as soon as my fingers rubbed the lung of his foot. "Alfred, you're good at this."

Man, looking at Arthur made me want to kiss him. Like, really bad. I wanted to kiss and caress his nipples and watch him moan and pleasure, rub his groin until he came, oh god I was really damn horny. I shuttered every time I thought of one of those things, but I tried to keep my mind off it. I would just have to wait, but damn I wanted him now.

I got up after about ten minutes, sitting down next to Arthur who instinctively cuddled next to me, "Aw boo, you're done?"

"Sorry the carpet was starting to hurt my legs," I laughed, wrapping my arm around his shoulders. Arthur looked up at me for a few moments, with an almost innocent look to his eyes. A single finger curled into a strand of my hair as Arthur leaned over to my neck. I tightened up, processing the warm tongue slide up my neck.

"Alfie, I'm really horny," Arthur whispered in my ear, quiet enough for just me to hear.

"Good, me too," I said with a sigh, holding Arthur closer to me. I looked over to Liz who was watching us closely. "Do…" I trailed off, not wanting to be too pushy.

"Do I want to go upstairs?" Arthur whispered, louder this time, "Yes."

"Right now," I meant it as a question, but it came out as more of a statement.

"Yeah," Arthur stroked my chin with his thumb, his green eyes half-lidded, "I really, really want too."

"Like, right this very second?" I said again, Arthur rolling his eyes.

"Yes, you want to, right?"

"Of course!" I said, hushed, "I really, really want too."

"Then stand up and carry me to the bedroom," I blushed like mad with that sentence, quickly picking Arthur up and hurriedly running upstairs.

"No sarcastic comments, okay?" I said quickly pointing at Liz; her face had turned bright red, holding back a smile. And with that I hurried up the stairs, pleasure filling my body as Arthur kissed up and down my neck as I made my way up the stairs.

Now, the fun thing about this was that I knew I would get to play with Arthur first, turning him on would be the fun part. I've done it before, taken off his shirt and kiss the Brit all over as his moans filled my ears. Arthur was one of those squeamish ones that would moan from the littlest touch or lick.

I opened the door with one hand, keeping Arthur pressed against me with the other, and then tossed Arthur on my bed before turning around and locking the door. Turning around, Arthur had positioned himself so his legs were slightly open, just enough so that I could see a small erection poking through his skinny jeans.

"Should we do this all at once, or slow?" I asked, sitting on the bed facing Arthur.

"Slow, defiantly," Arthur said, "I want to take this as slow as possible." I ran through steps in my head as I pinned Arthur against the head board. Okay, first, take off his shirt, then uh, bite him a few times, and then play with his nipples.. Ah, um, then pants I guess.

We started with a kiss, a nice, slow kiss. A wet one at that too, my tongue poking around the side of Arthur's lips. He groaned, mad, "Just put your tongue in my mouth already."

"You said you wanted to take this slow," I said, huskily as possible. Damn trying to seduce people was hard. Arthur's tongue slid into my mouth first, the warm muscle poking around in my mouth excited me, and so I wrapped my tongue around his, Arthur moaning quietly against my mouth. I then pulled away; easily slipping away from him spit covered lips. I started at his shirt, pulling at the black fabric, working it over his head. Arthur's eyes widened as I pulled the shirt over his head, but his eyes slowly fell.

"Mhm, Alfie," Arthur murmured as I started to kiss his neck, "That feels nice." My tongue softly ran over the areas of skin that I kissed, licking Arthur's smooth skin. I kissed over his collar bone, the Brit humming as he relaxed, his hand going to the back of my neck. But his grip tensed up once he processed how close I was to his sensitive spot. "No, wait, Alfred, don't- Hng!" I smiled before kissing my boyfriend's nipple, but then began to suck and bite the small nub. Arthur's fingers pulled at my hair as he struggled to keep in his groans, and anyways, at this position I could hear how fast his heart rate was.

"You're heart beat is fast," I murmured softly, taking my mouth off Arthur's chest as the Brit quickly covered his chest with his hands.

"Stop doing that," Arthur growled.

"Why not?" I asked, "Feels good, doesn't it?" I removed his hands carefully from his chest, "Don't block me off, I want to be able to access all of you."

Arthur blushed at the bold statement, "Well then your shirt should be off too! And your pants!" The brit quickly went to work on getting off my pants, pushing them down to my legs after unzipping them. I took off my shirt in the meantime. Arthur felt over my body afterwards. "Why are you so goddamn handsome?" Arthur murmured softly, kissing my cheek as I started to work off his pants. "And, how about you give it a rub, as well?" Arthur murmured, pointing to his cock. I smiled, groping his groin through his briefs. Arthur moaned, arching his back slightly, "Ah, that's it, Alfie…"

"How about we take these off? Or is that too fast?" I said quietly, taking my hand off his groin. Arthur growled, taking my hand and pushing it back onto his cock.

"Just a little longer, Alfred," Arthur whined, moving his body into my hand. I could feel almost every detail of his cock, but yet I really, really wanted him naked. Man, isn't this early? I'm only sixteen, but I'll be seventeen in a few months…

My thoughts were completely washed away when Arthur started doing small thrusts into my hand and groaning my name. Hot damn, he was sexy. I could see how hard he was trying not to squirm and groan. 'Take off my briefs' was a very quiet whisper, hardly grazing Arthur's own lips. His sentence went straight to my cock as I struggled to take off his briefs.

"Damn, you're hard," I muttered, looking at Arthur. He blushed and put his hands in front of his erection.

"Stop looking!" Arthur hissed, but I moved his hands away almost immediately, feeling my heart beat in my chest faster and faster.

"Don't be like that," I murmured, kissing his cheek before beginning to pump his cock. Arthur squirmed, his fingers sealing around my shoulders.

"Oh Alfred," Arthur moaned loudly, his accent making things even better. He began thrusting into my hands, "faster." My lips trailed over his shoulder as I continued. Arthur's groans quickened, he hugged my body against his while moaning my name.

"Um," I muttered, feeling a bit uneasy like I was doing something wrong, "Is this okay?"

"Mffn, yeah," Arthur muttered into my ear, his hair brushing my temple. My thumb went up to stroke the head of his erection, Arthur arching his back and biting his lips. "God, this feels so good."

"Do you, eh, want me to take off mine?" I said quietly and awkwardly, I didn't want to force anything upon Arthur, especially doing this since sex is very serious topic, I didn't want to do anything he didn't want. I wasn't even sure if this was 'sex' just doing sexual things. Arthur nodded quickly in return, my hand sliding off his cock to get off my boxers. I sat on my legs for better leverage, bringing them down my legs. "This is embarrassing," I murmured to myself, closing my eyes for a brief movement, and opening them wide once intense pleasure made me shutter. Arthur was kissing and gently biting my erection, stroking it while doing so. I let out a shameful moan, unable to stop myself before letting it out. "Eh, A-Arthur…"

"Hm?" Arthur stopped kissing my groin to come up to face me, "Something wrong? Do you feel awkward or-?"

"No," I giggled, "I'm just a little embarrassed. Its weird, I've never been naked in front of anyone before, well, like this."

"Don't be," Arthur said, squinting slightly, "We're lovers, I don't care what you look like. Well, I do, but you get my point."

"Okay, sorry."

"Don't play the Alfie game with me right now, I'm damn horny," Arthur said, bopping me on the nose.

"What now?" I muttered, a little saddened on how my determination totally shattered.

"A lot," Arthur said, smiling, "Now kiss me." My thumb softly went to his bottom lip, gently tugging at the soft skin for a moment. Arthur leaned over and kissed me softly, his lips gently grazing over mine. I started to bite his bottom lip, giving Arthur a chance to sneak his tongue in my mouth. I pushed his tongue out of my mouth and flicked mine against it before curling it around the warm muscle. Arthur wrapped his legs around my torso, still proceeding to kiss me, our tongues fighting for dominance over one another. Arthur's cock gently grazed over mine, turning me on enough to forcefully push myself closer to Arthur and start sliding my cock against his. Arthur separated from my mouth with a moan, hugging my body closer to his, resting his head on my shoulder. "Mhh, that feels good!"

We continued this for a while, multiple groans coming from Arthur, damn he was noisy during this stuff. Pleasure filled my body, making me shutter multiple times, I really wonder if Arthur felt the same thing I was feeling. Sure hope so. I don't have a single clue about gay things like this, so I really hope I could make it okay.

"Alfred, I really want to have sex," Arthur whispered in my ear, "I really, really want you inside me."

"Wait," I stopped rubbing against his body, "I'm topping?"

"Yeah," Arthur said, taking his head off my shoulder to look at me, "Wasn't that your original thought?"

"I guess I never really thought of that," I muttered with a shrug, "I mean I've thought about sex but I never thought who was on top."

"Wait, you've thought about it?"

"Ah! I mean, uh…"

"Aw, that's actually pretty cute," Arthur giggled while ruffling my hair, "My Alfie's adorable."

"Cute?" I said between gritted teeth, "I thought I was handsome."

"You are," Arthur said, poking my nose, "But you're cute too. You're mannerisms are cute."

"Well, uh, okay?"

"This is weird," Arthur said with an eye roll, "We're being complete dorks during this. Do you want to get started? Got any lube or something?"

"Ehm, lube?" I asked, "Is that, um…"

"Oh my god!" Arthur started to laugh and crawl off my lap, "You don't even know what lube is? Man, you're dad really has to teach you this stuff! Well, um, how about lotion?"

"Oh yeah, I got that," I said with a nod, still confused, but went to get it anyways. I quickly slipped on my boxers in case someone was upstairs and stealthily made my way to the bathroom. I grabbed the first lotion I saw, and sprinted into the bedroom once again. I locked the door behind me. "What's this even for?"

"Alfred," Arthur giggled, sitting on the edge of the bed, "Its less painful, slips in easier."

"Oh, I get it now," I said with a smile, "So I just put this on my dick or somethin', right?"

"Yes," Arthur said, "Now hurry up your dorkiness is making me less horny and more wanting to snuggle with you." I sat on the bed as Arthur laid down, taking off my boxers and kicking them somewhere on the floor. I rubbed the cold stuff (probably should have warmed it up first) onto myself, setting the lotion down on the side of the bed.

"So, you wanna do this?" I said, positioning myself in front of Arthur's legs.

"Yeah, do you?"

"Course," I whispered quietly, "Just, tell me if you want to stop, okay?"

"Okay," Arthur whispered quietly, "I'm really nervous."

"Hey, don't be, I'll be really gentle I swear," I said, feeling bad for Arthur, knowing (even with my little education) that he would get more of the pain then I would, "And tell me if you're hurting and I'll stop."

"Alright," Arthur said quietly, squinting his eyes, "Can I squeeze your hand?"

"Yeah," I laughed at how adorable Arthur was, even with the bed sheets underneath him he still chose to hold my hand. I smiled, holding up my hand so he could take it, "There, now, just relax, it'll hurt less, okay sweetheart?"

"Okay, Alfred," Arthur murmured quietly, pulling my hand closer to his body. I sighed, swallowing down hard. My stomach spun, oh jeez, I was actually doing this. Alfred, don't hurt Arthur, don't hurt Arthur. Be gentle, really, really gentle.

"Okay, here I go," I whispered, letting Arthur know I was about to start the painful part. Or, I think it was painful, because trying to shove something big down a small hole is bound to hurt. To my surprise, the insert was rather quick. Arthur let out a gasp and squeezed my hand, as I took a sharp sigh and held my breath. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Arthur said, almost inaudible. I very carefully started to slide in, breathing heavy as Arthur's grip tightened on my hand. I sat there for a few moments, unsure of what to do. "Agreeable, now move," Arthur muttered harshly. Wait, agreeable?

"Hm? Like, uh…?"

"Like, thrusting, Alfred," Arthur murmured, "Gently."

"I'm not all the way in though?" I said, cocking my head to the side.

"Doesn't matter, Alfred, move," Arthur said shallowly, holding my hand to his chest. I swallowed again, starting to move slowly to thrust into Arthur's body. After a few moments, I started to get a bit excited. Arthur gasped in pain, tightly squeezing my hand, "Alfred!"

"Sorry! Should I stop?" I said quickly, a knot in my throat forming.

"No, I really w-want to do this," Arthur moaned, "Gentler, please."

"Got it," I muttered, closing my eyes and moving slowly. Arthur's grip on my hand tightened, but he was silent. I slowly started to go in harder, not much, but just a little. His grip started to relax.

"Its not hurting a-as much now," Arthur murmured, "You can go deeper." I did so very carefully, Arthur whimpered quietly, but I kept going. Very softly I started thrusting, Arthur's multiple whimpers turning into moans. "M-more, Alfred."

I was starting to feel better myself as I went in deeper, holding onto his hips now, and still thrusting into him gently. "Fuck, go harder." I nodded, feeling that nice feeling creeping up on me again, the friction feeling pretty good. Arthur softly started to buck his hips. "Ahn, Alfred, that's not harder."

"Sorry, I'm nervous I'm going to hurt you."

"Don't be, go faster." Arthur started to moan louder as I did so, "Go in the rest of the way, please." As I did so, Arthur let out a very long groan, his eyebrows furrowing and his lips mashing together. I began moving, his face sending chills up my spine. I started to move softly, Arthur still bucking his hips softly. "Harder, Damnit!" I laid almost on top of him, rolling my hips to get deeper inside. Arthur squirmed, his hands balling up in the sheets. "Alfred! That isn't faster! Give it all!"

"You sure?" I muttered, still scared of hurting him.

"Yes!" Arthur growled. And so I did, I gave it one hard thrust as Arthur gasped, untangling his fingers from the sheets just to ensnare them in my hair. "A-Alfred! Oh god!" I could feel sweat starting to drip down my face, the feeling creeping up on me, and strangely I knew what it was. Fuck, I was coming, not yet, we just started. Suddenly, I hit the end of… well his ass I guess. I really didn't know what to call it, um, prostate? Ass nerves or something, I think. Well anyways, I hit that, and Arthur let out a really loud scream that almost made me yell as well. I didn't think he would do that, if Liz was still hear I bet she could hear it, but that scream was so sexy I didn't even think about shutting him up. "Oh god, Faster! O-Oh! Harder!" Oh hot damn, he was sexy. His facial expression, eyebrows knitted together, eyes tightly closed. He continued the constant moans and yelps, screaming if I hit him hard again. I was really sweating now, this was tiring, the pleasure making me feel much weaker then I should. Arthur reached for his cock, twitching between our bodies, but I beat him to it, quickly pumping it in time with my thrusting. He screamed again, followed by an "Alfred, I think I'm gonna-!" I swallowed, Arthur's eyes widening quickly as a cold, sickly feeling surrounded my body suddenly. Oh jeez, did he just come on me? I thought this would actually be grosser, but really it felt kind of natural, probably because I was so madly in love with him. Arthur held me close to his body, moaning my name in my ear, as I let it all go and came as well. It was kind of embarrassing, especially since I was still inside of Arthur, but he didn't seem to mind.

I got up, rolling to the side of my boyfriend, panting hard. My pupils felt small, staring at the white ceiling as my breathing started to calm down. My chest started to hurt, but I swallowed down the feeling as I slid into the covers, grabbing the duvet from the floor. As I did this, Arthur snuggled close to me and put his head on my chest. I tucked Arthur into the duvet, kissing his forehead and holding him close.

"That was great," Arthur whispered softly, his fingers curling around my chest.

"I did okay?" I asked quietly.

Arthur laughed, "Okay?" The warm feeling of Arthur's lips clicked against my cheek, "I'm so glad I lost my virginity with someone who actually cares about me." Arthur started to stroke my chest, "And you, you're the cutest guy in the whole school."

"Really?" I said, baffled. Arthur's answer was cut off with laughter from downstairs, "Shit! They're still here!"

"Just ignore them, love," Arthur sighed, playing with a loose strand of my hair, "Let's just go to bed, I'm tired."

I laughed, "Okay, I love you."

"I love you too, Alfie," Arthur put his hand back on my chest, his nose nuzzling into my chin.

"You mean the world to me, got it?" I said into his hair, kissing him on the forehead. I really did mean what I was saying, since I only had Liz, Gilbert, Matthew and Arthur to worry about. But Arthur seemed the most important, I've never loved someone so much. I feel like I wouldn't be able to go on without him, if that sounds cheesy. But, I really feel like it.

"Yup, you too."

"Okay, goodnight, darling."

"Goodnight, Alfie."

**Authors Note-**

woowee finaly got this done, school is getting in the way of writing.

lol look smut

i'm bad at writing smut . whatever

okay, this is final part to chapter 4 but lets just call it chapter five. Well, here we are, about 3 chapters away from the ending. Woohoo, i'm pumped, already know what i'm doing for it. OKAY, WELL, this chapter is kind of sucky. I was excited for writing smut so I just rushed through it. I was really looking forward to the pocky scene though, and there was supposed to be another scene in it, but screw it. Another thing I dumped was the two comming back down stairs after they 'did it' and hanging out with Liz and Gilbert for a while after. Kiku was also supposed to get drunk off wine, and I have this head canon where Kiku gets sassy when he's drunk (I was planning on them coming downstairs and Kiku going 'doki doki' with a sassy voice lol) , so I kinda wish I kept that.

Well here, this isnt spell checked, so be careful.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up to the faint sound of muffled laughter. I moaned, opening my eyes to see Arthur still fast asleep on my shoulder, sighing gently as his brow furrowed. I smiled, kissing his forehead softly and hugging the Brit closer to my body. As I closed my eyes again, my forehead now pressed against his, I heard a loud 'aww!'

"Liz! Shut up! Your babbling woke Alfred up!"

"Oh? He's awake! Shit!"

"Sh!" I snapped, holding Arthur, pressing his head into my neck, "Don't wake him up!"

"oh my god! Cutest couple of the year by far!" Liz cooed, bending over the bed, "So Al, how was last night?"

"Don't talk about that!" I hissed, "We're both naked still, so get out!"

"But you have blankets!" Liz shot back.

Arthur moaned, squirming around on top of me, "Alfie?"

"Shh, go back to sleep," I muttered panicked, not wanting to wake Arthur up. Anyways, he looked adorable when he was asleep. Arthur moaned again, snuggling up to me more before falling silent. "Liz! Get out!"

"Ugh, fine, bye Alfie," Liz turned to Gilbert, yanking his arm, "Let's go home, enjoy snuggling with your boy-friend." Liz said 'boyfriend' in a teasing deep voice, before she and Gilbert smiled and waved bye. I whispered bye to them before trying to fall back asleep. But before I could, Arthur woke up and started kissing me all over, cooing my name before ruffling my hair. I giggled and kissed him softly on the lips.

"'Morning'," I patted Arthur's back as he rolled his eyes.

"Stop with the manly voice it weird," Arthur flicked my cheek before sitting up in bed, "I need pants."

For the rest of the day, Arthur and I spent it cuddling, butterfly kissing, and feeding each other nutella. It was a nice day; I basically walked around shirtless for the majority of it. Arthur actually showed me how to make mixed tapes, and so he made a few Coldplay and Imagine Dragons ones for me, hiding a few sex pistols songs in there plus Blackbird. Wow, maybe that night meant as much to him as it did to me. After that though, I spent the rest of the day half napping while resting on Arthur's lap as he sang to me, and damn he had the nicest voice. It was mellow and pretty, kind of like the Beatles but less raspy and more flowy. Damn, it was pretty. At five o'clock Arthur went home, my dad came home at six. Nothing much happened after that, my dad asked me if I survived and we laughed.

On the fifth day of April, I took a really big blow to the head.

My dog had gotten hit by a car and we would have to put her down.

It was a sad day, a really, really sad day. I cried for a really long time, my good friend, gone. Once Arthur heard the news he came over to comfort me, but that really didn't help much. My dog was gone. My dear Ala was gone at age three, it wasn't fair. Arthur's kisses wouldn't help that.

Monday though, Monday was a shocker. A big one.

I had healed somewhat from the death of my dog by now, it had been three days at least so I told myself to stop being a baby and suck it up. I walked through the halls, trying not to look to sulk-y, because I knew if I did Arthur would follow me everywhere and kiss me all over the place. Not that I didn't like it when he kissed me, he would just get mocked, and I still feel bad for making him one of the weird kids. It was still rather early, and I was aimlessly wandering. Maybe not aimlessly, I wanted to talk about that thing I was supposed to write, it was taking longer the suspected. On the way to the art class though, I met with a familiar face. Liam? Yeah, Liam was his name. Arthur's stupid ex. I felt a growl creep up in my throat, but I swallowed it down. It was over, no need to get myself worked up, right?

But, despite trying to ignore him the bleach-blonde-haired boy called me over. "Hey, Jones," He called rudely, his brown eyes giving a flash.

"I have a name," I hissed back, "I bet you can't even say it correctly."

Liam glared at me, parting from the north direction to walk over to me, "Al-fred," Liam said choppily. I laughed.

"Nice," I giggled, covering my mouth, "Man, Arthur says my name much better than you."

"Wow, you must feel so special, hm?" Liam teased, waving his finger before attempting to push me up against the wall. Since I had gained much confidence since I met Liz, Arthur, and Gilbert, I knew I was much stronger. He was probably faster since he was so skinny and his legs were long, but I could still defend myself. It was awkward too, he just pushed my chest, looked up at me, cocking his head and squinting in confusion. I just giggled quietly as his expression intensified.

"Well of course I feel special, I'm dating the great Arthur Kirkland," I smiled, raising one eyebrow at the bleach-blonde haired weirdo. He growled.

"What happened to the old Alfred?" Laim hissed, "The one who wasn't such an asshole?"

I shrugged, "I think its better."

"Okay, fine, whatever, this isn't why I want to talk to you," Liam growled, sounding a bit uneasy.

"I'm guessing it's about me and Arthur?" I said, cocking my head and raising one eyebrow, "You're not getting back together with him, you know. He doesn't love you anymore, sorry to put a damper on things."

"Why not? He loved me until he met you."

"Well, dude, you totally ignored him when he was getting beat up," I rolled my eyes, "Man."

"I didn't know it was him," Liam growled, "But, even if he doesn't love me, how the fuck does he love someone like you?"

Now, this set me off. I don't know why, but it did. I usually agreed with insults, but this? No way, he's not discussing this now. I picked him up softly by the front of his collar.

"Look man, this has been over for a long time now, just get over it, you didn't even love him."

"But Alfred, are you really thinking the relationship through? He gave me a blowjob the first day we met-.."

And my control blew through the roof.

"What does that matter?" I screamed, pinning the smaller up against a wall, "What does that even fucking say? Do you even love him for him? Only because he gives good sexual pleasure? Arthur is the best guy I have ever met in my life, how dare you talk about him like he's just a toy!" I punched the wall next to Liam, for this had really, really got me pissed. How could he treat a lover like that? Just as sexual pleasure?

"Let me go!" Liam screamed, pushing me off of him and sprinting away. I narrowed my eyes as he ran away, damn bastard. I kicked the side of the wall gently, more angry than I should've been.

That night, around seven o'clock, Arthur texted me all in caps 'COME TO MY HOUSE NOW!' followed by a text that said 'wait don't worry im not breaking up with you it's nothing bad lol' I laughed, he knew me pretty well, knowing that I would panic.

"Hey dad, can I go over Artie's house?" I called into the kitchen, "I'll probably sleep over, we won't stay up late though."

"As long as you're not killing people together go ahead," My dad laughed. It was great he liked Arthur; I knew he wouldn't like him if he knew we were dating, but at least he lets me go over his house whenever I want. The thought bugged me a bit, the guilt very slowly eating away from not telling my dad. Maybe I should tell him eventually, I don't know. But, I gathered my stuff and made my way to Arthur's house. All I brought was a sketchbook, since I discovered a few weeks ago Arthur loves to watch me draw. I could just use a pillow of his and a blanket, but we'd be sleeping together anyways. I walked to his house in the middle of a thunderstorm as well, great.

"Oh, hello Alfred," His mom greeted me at the door like always, "Did Arthur tell you to come over?"

"Course," I said with a smile, "What's it about? His text seemed pretty urgent."

"He'll tell you, he's pretty excited himself," Arthur's mom giggled, stepping to the side so I could step in. I ran up the stairs to his room, where I'm guessing he was. My thoughts were correct, as I opened the door Arthur was hastily reading through a sheet of paper.

"Hey Artie," I said, the Brit turning towards me. His cheeks tugged at his lips, jumping off hid bed to hug me.

"Alfred! I've got the best news in the whole wide world!" Arthur shouted into my chest. I hugged him back with a giggle.

"Okay, well, tell me," I laughed, patting his back. Arthur separated from me, taking a large sigh.

"Okay, well, I just got this letter, and I've been admitted to a school in London! Like, a really, really good new high school! And there's dorms, and I'm moving there in a month!"

My heart sank. He's moving. He won't be able to see me hardly ever. He'll move on. I'll be left alone. I silently gasped, my mouth opening slightly. No, fuck, my life was going great. Now he's leaving. He can't leave, I'll never find someone else like him ever again.

Arthur laughed, "Don't make that face, love, you're coming with me."

"What?" I muttered. Even this reassuring comment didn't faze me, what did he mean I'm coming with him?

"Well, I told the principle about a guest, and she said yes!" Arthur bopped me on the nose, "So you're going to live with me!" Damn he was controlling. What if I didn't want to? Well, I did, but what if I didn't?

"But, what if my dad says no?"

"Call him! Alfred, I don't think your dad would turn down this for you, this is a huge learning opportunity! He'll have to let you go!" Arthur's hands balled up in the fabric of my jacket.

"It cant be that simple," I said, shaking my head, "Don't I have to do paper work or something?"

"Yeah, I have that, your dad will also have to do a few signatures here and there, but you can give that to him tomorrow! Call your dad!"

"Arthur, there has to be more information-!"

"There is! I'll tell you when you're on the phone! Go, call your dad already!" Arthur laughed, taking my phone out of my pocket and shoving it into my hands. And I called my dad, still confused.

While I was on the phone, Arthur explained further details. Like where exactly the school was, our dorm, phone numbers and a few other things. As I asked 'can I?' the silence was killer. The only thing that was keeping the room from reaching total quiet was the rain hitting the window.

And when my dad answered 'Sure, Alfred,' Arthur and I lit up in a loud yell. I started thanking my dad heavily as Arthur and I started jumping like giddy children. My dad told me to give him the stuff he needs to sign tomorrow after school. Once I hung up, I dropped my phone carelessly on Arthur's nightstand and we kissed. A long one too, one that made me pant afterward.

"So, that's it?" I said with a smile.

"Yeah, that's it," Arthur smiled back, the both of us jumping onto the bed, "We're living together. Its a new start, Alfred."

"Yeah," I muttered, lying down on the bed. We just lay there, not holding each other or speaking, not even holding hands or looking at each other. This was it. Maybe I could change and I'd meet new friends, maybe get involved in a few sports, and get into a bigger art community. And maybe, maybe this was just the start to me and Arthur's relationship. Maybe we'd marry after getting our own house if we're still together, we should be together still, right? And we could live together in peace, without the threatening presence of my dad and have sex without anyone caring. This was it.

After a few minutes, Arthur wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed me again, the warmth of his lips sending chills down my spine. I smiled against his lips, kissing him gently back. He stroked my chin and tangled his other hand in my hair, ah, we were perfect together.

"Hey, Alfred," Arthur separated from me, but pressed his nose against mine, "Do you think we're going to live together one day? Like, I mean, not the dorm, you know what I'm getting at."

"Well, everybody makes it somehow, right?" I said, looking into his eyes. I remember when I used to look him straight in the eyes it would feel really awkward, but ever since New year's I could look straight at him without question.

"True," Arthur giggled, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead to mine, "What about getting married?"

"That would be awesome," I said, Arthur laughing in return, "If we get married we're going to have the biggest fucking chocolate cake ever."

"And the frosting will be nutella?" Arthur said jokingly.

"Hell yeah," I said, "And the snacks will be bowls of cotton candy with a glass of green tea."

"Oh god," Arthur rolled his eyes, "And, what about, giant rainbow disco ball for how gay we are."

"And the games could be 'guess how dorky Alfred is on a one to ten scale'," I snickered.

After planning our joke wedding, the thunderstorm had gotten more intense. It sounded as if the storm was right over our heads; booming loudly and making the both of us jump time to time. With a loud bang, we both jumped, the power going out. It took some time for my eyes to adjust, but my eyes soon met with Arthur's.

"Well I guess that's a sign to go to sleep," Arthur laughed, wrapping his arms around my neck.

"Yeah," I said, putting my arms on his waist. We both kissed, pressed our foreheads together and said our 'I love yous' before falling silent. Well, not completely silent. Arthur started to sing quietly, and I was so close to his face I could feel the air swarm around his words. He was basically singing me to sleep, man we were the cheesiest couple on the face of the earth. Arthur's words turned into humming as we both slowly fell asleep in each other's arms.

I really should have told him how much I really, truly loved him that night.

After school the next day, I gave my dad the papers. He talked to me while signing them, how proud he was of me for getting into a pretty good school. Even though I really hadn't done anything, with all this praise I felt really good. I went to go give the papers to Arthur, even though I could have mailed them out, I lose things easily so I'll give it to him. Liz and Gilbert were disappointed, but we promised each other that we would keep in touch no matter what. Walking to Arthur's house, I felt awesome. Life was great, finally great. Nothing in this world could bring me down. I started whistling Black Bird on the way there, since I was listening to Arthur's mixed tape before I left. I looked like a weirdo, swinging my arms and smiling like no tomorrow, whistling happy little bird noises.

I swung Arthur's front door open happily, since overnight I decided knocking was over rated. "Arthur! I got the papers signed!" I shouted cheerfully, walking into his living room.

My smile faded upon seeing that damned bleach-haired boy sitting on Arthur's couch. Arthur sat on the coffee table, his legs folded into his chest. They were talking about something serious.

"Oh, Alfred!" Arthur noticed me, his eyes widening as he leaped off the coffee table, "Um, sweetie, now isn't a good time-!"

"What is he doing here?" I hissed, ignoring Arthur's comment.

"Alfred, please, just come back later," Arthur pushed my chest gently, but I continued to ignore his begging.

"Arthur, what is he doing here," I said sternly, gritting my teeth.

"We're just talking about things, I'm not getting back together with him obviously but he truly means me no harm," Arthur murmured, "It was all a big accident."

"Accident?" I hissed, stepping forward, "Arthur, you're smarter than this! He only thinks of you as a toy!"

"Alfred!" Arthur growled, tugging on my hand as I stepped towards Liam.

"Hey, Alfie, I missed ya," Liam cooed.

"Get out!" I shouted, pointing to the door. How dare he come back here?

"Or what?" Liam said, raising his eyebrows, "You going to punch me?"

"Alfred! Liam, please," Arthur murmured, tugging on my arm more in a panicked manner.

"He doesn't even love you for you, Arthur!" I hissed, turning back towards my boyfriend.

"How do you know that?" Liam said quietly, standing up. I turned back towards him.

"Get out!" I yelled again.

"I'm not leaving."

"C'mon! Guys, cut it out!"

"Look at him! He's pathetic, how could you even date this guy?"

"Shut up!"

"Aw, did I hurt the poor boys feelings?" Liam cooed, stepping towards me, "Well its true, Jones, you know you can't protect him, you cant do anything about making him happy."

"Shut up."

"Make me, show how much of a man you are to your boyfriend."

"Liam, cut it out!" Arthur hissed, stepping towards the blonde, but I pushed him back with one of my arms.

"Punch me," Liam said, grinning, "I want to see you try." At this point, I felt hot tears drip down my eyes. Damnit, he was right. He was completely right. Here he was, right in front of me, and I couldn't manage to move. "God, Arthur, what do you even see in this guy?"

"Stop it, Liam! Get out!"

"I'm not leaving until mister tough guy here-!" And with that sentence, my fist hit him square in the face. Now, this wasn't the angry feeling I felt with Chris. This was a complete sorrow. I don't know how to describe it, but I felt like curling up in the corner and cry. Arthur whimpered quietly as Liam held the cheek I had punched him. He opened his mouth, his jaw popping quietly.

"Get out," I said, my voice cracking. Liam looked at me, his brown eyes pinpointing on mine. A few tears leaked out of my eyes, but I quickly whipped my eyes free of water as Liam left.

"Alfred! The fuck?" Arthur shouted, "What the hell was that?"

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, not taking my eyes off the spot where Liam once sat.

"Alfred, I'm not playing this game with you anymore!" Arthur snapped, standing in front of me, "Look me in the eyes, Alfred!"

I swallowed, holding back the knot in my throat, "G-Game?"

"Oh my god!" Arthur moaned, covering his face with his hands, "The sorry thing! No matter where we are or what we're doing, you're always looking for attention!"

Attention? Arthur thought I did all of that for attention? What the fuck is wrong with him? I never was looking for attention, not once. I knew my life wasn't bad anymore, it was actually pretty good now, but that doesn't mean I don't have the right to be upset. I'm broken, deep down being taken away from my family, beaten and called names, and he has no idea what it feels like. Now it seems he wasn't even trying to understand. "Attention?" I growled, "Why the fuck would I do that?"

"You've been doing it ever since I met you! Your life isn't even bad anymore, Damnit! You refuse to give up your razor, you always say sorry even while we're having sex for fucks sake, you just want me to comfort you and tell you how amazing you are! It's getting old, Alfred!"

I started backing up, my eyes squinting at Arthur as his expression intensified, "That's not true," I muttered, shaking my head, "You have no idea, you have no f-fucking clue."

"I do! You're fine! You're not bullied anymore, you're dad doesn't yell at you like he used to, you have friends, and you had me!"

Had. I had him. Had is past tense. Shit. I fucked up, I fucked up bad. I froze, my hands starting to shake as I stared at the Brit, we both went silent. All I could manage is a "I'm sorry," before sprinting out. Shutting the door behind me, I just walked home. I didn't cry, I didn't run, I didn't even fight back tears. I felt frozen. Dead and helpless. I thought that tomorrow at school he would run up to me and kiss me and act like nothing happened, but no, that wouldn't happen. It couldn't be, did he really just break up with me? No, he couldn't have, last night he just told me we would get married and live together. But, he did, and I knew he did. He said it so simply too, like he didn't even care. After one fight, he just snaps, just like that. But it wasn't his fault, right? It was mine, I screwed up, I didn't calm down, I was a complete asshole back there. Maybe I was overreacting, maybe he didn't mean that, tomorrow he would kiss and cuddle me just like always. Yeah, yeah that had to be it, I was just overreacting.

And the next day I went to school normally. I was extremely anxious for lunch, excited but not. I wanted to go, but I didn't at the same time. I didn't really talk to Kiku that day, I felt like throwing up I was so anxious, my leg bounced like crazy and my fingers tapped on my pencil like no tomorrow. Kiku sent a few worried looks towards me, but I ignored it.

At lunch I sat down, my leg bouncing like crazy. Liz sat down next to me, saying 'hi'. But I didn't respond. She looked at me, puzzled.

Arthur never came.

I told Liz he had broken up with me. I told her everything. I broke down crying after fifteen minutes of waiting, realizing he would never come. She comforted me as best as she could, I could tell from the desperateness in her voice. But that didn't matter, Arthur meant what he meant. He would move away without me and I would never see him again. He was the only one; I loved him still with all my heart. My sunshine was gone, he was gone. I knew I was overreacting but at the same time I knew I wasn't.

"I'll talk to him for you, will that make you feel better?" Liz said quietly, rubbing my back. I shook my head, trying to say 'no, don't do that' but only a 'N-no, don't…' came out.

But by the end of the day, I found Liz pinning Arthur to the gym's outdoor supply shed.

"Arthur! Do you not understand how much that boy loves you? Do you even feel bad?"

"I don't care anymore!"

My eyes widened, my legs functioning quicker than my brain as I rocketed towards Liz and Arthur. Taking Liz's shoulders in one fluid motion and pinning her next to Arthur. She squeaked quietly, probably surprised by the sudden attack. I stared at her for a few moments, panting. My grip loosened on her shoulders once I realized what I did, my mouth slowly opening, meaning to form out words. As my expression turned afraid, Liz's expression turned into complete irritation. "No matter how hard I try to help you, you always do this!" She pushed me away as I numbly stumbled backwards. Arthur had already left, I hadn't noticed in my blind moment. Liz walked away. I started shaking violently, I felt like crying, but nothing came out. I wanted to cry, I wanted to feel something other than this terrible numbness swirling inside my stomach. I wanted to scream out for my best friend. Now that she was leaving I finally realized how much I longed for her touch, how much I wanted her to hold me and help me with my problems just like always.

"No, please, wait," I meant it as a yell, but it came out as a tiny whisper. I turned, reaching out like I could grab her and bring her back to me, even though I could now hardly make out the details of my friend. "Come back, don't leave me, im sorry, please come back." By the time I could hardly make her out in the mist, I burst into pathetic tears, "Come back! Please! I'm sorry!" Mist made my breathing harder, the damp day engulfing the afternoon, "No! This can't be happening! I'm sorry!"

My voice strained as I screamed a final 'sorry' into the nothingness. I felt terrible, I felt like an asshole. I was an asshole, I had done this myself. I had taken my relationships and love for granite, pushing Arthur to the edge with my stupidity and ignoring Liz's help.

I had been looking for happiness for two years, and now that I finally had complete joy in my grasp, I let it go with insecurities.

Please, I'm sorry happiness, I've screwed up, bring my boyfriend and best friend back to me, please.

**Authors Note-**

I'M SO SORRY I KILLED THE DOG

I'M LIKE ONE OF THOSE MEAN DIRECTORS WHOS LIKE: 'KILL THE DOG YEAAHHH'. I'm pretty attached to my chocolate lab, so man I can't even imagine how it feels losing your dog. I've only lost one animal before, and I was too young to process she was gone .-.

SHITS GOING DOWN OH

I tried to make Alfred somewhat annoying in this chapter if you can't tell, I really want to get his down sides in the narration without dialog. The reason this was finished so fast is because I had the part where Ala died and the first fight with Liam was written in the past, so. This was really, really short, sorry, I felt rushed. I'm home sick today, so I was able to get this done, but since i'm sick I feel rushed and all shaky.

Oh, PS, Alfred's about 5'10 (almost 5'11), not six feet tall. Six feet tall is really fucking big for a high schooler.

OH YEAH DORKY WEDDING 'NAWWWWWW lol I had fun writing that part

oh yeah, if you can't tell i'm trying to make Liz a sucker for romance just like a lot of writers do with her, but add A little big of a realistic twist to it.

Okay enjoy this short crappy lil chapter X3 half of it is spell checked, so beware! The next chapter might take a while, its going to be kind of complicated, so be patient!


	7. Chapter 7

Hi, I haven't written in a while. There has been no point to, either. Ever since Arthur and Liz left me there has really been no point. Gilbert doesn't text me either, I want to, but I'm nervous. I don't go to school much anymore, when I do I usually sit alone at lunch. I've lost a lot of my muscle and my paleness has returned, I really don't do much anymore. It's been horrible; I'm so alone and miserable, especially since this whole thing is my fault. It's been three weeks; three weeks and I feel as terrible as I did the moment when Liz walked away. I don't cry much anymore, I just lay around and feel bad for myself. Bullying has started again, probably because I look like a complete wreck most of the time. But the thing that really bugs me is that Arthur, Liz, Gilbert and the others don't even seem upset I'm gone. At first Arthur showed a few signs of that numb look, but after three days he was laughing and cheering with the others. I want to be part of that, I want to be happy too. But I deserve it, right? I deserve to be alone because I screwed up bad, I just really want a second chance. But that's not coming any time soon. Arthur's moving in two weeks. I'm dreading the day. I know he probably hates me and I shouldn't care if he leaves, but seeing him smiling with Liz makes me somewhat happy. It gives me hope, just a little. But I know he's moving no matter what and my hope will be gone. I'll be alone, completely alone, my memories and stupid little fantasies my only comfort. But I'm done with stupid little fantasies, I want to be comforted, I want Arthur to sing to me and tell me I'm okay, or I want Liz to bring me out to ice cream and talk about our dorky relationships, or I want Gilbert to bring me to the mall so we can act like girls together and buy sparkly shoes. I want them back. If I had a chance to get them back I would do anything at all. I want to make them happy, I want to see them laughing and smiling with me, I want to hold Arthur in my arms again, I want to play tag and hide and go seek with Matthew, I want my mom to sing to me, I want my dad to accept me for being gay, I want my dog back, and I want Liz and Gilbert watching and laughing movies with me. I've lost everyone.

This, this is my last entry I believe. Arthur's leaving soon and I can't bare it. He's always talking to Liz on how he needs to make a few more calls to the school to cancel plans, which I'm guessing is telling the school I'm not going any more. I feel so useless, I can't even make myself happy no wonder I can't make them. I want to tell Arthur good bye, but I'm scared on how that would play out. I want them to know it's not their fault I'm doing this, and that they were the best people I could ever meet. That they made me feel like someone. I want to be remembered as the guy who wasn't an asshole. So, if anyone comes across this, my name is Alfred Jones. I am sixteen years old and attending high school as a junior. My life started when my parents got a divorce and we moved to England. We had a dog, her name was Ala. I lost my popularity back at home, but I got new friends who loved me here. I fell madly in love with a grumpy British boy. We broke up. I'm still in love. I rejected my best friend's advice. I'm too much of a coward to text back my other friends. And I'm not okay, but I will be okay soon. I love you all, my friends, and thank you for dealing with me so long.

Just in case people don't find this, I'm leaving a suicide note in plain sight. It'll have more to it, so here goes;

_Hello friends. This is the last thing I'm going to say to anyone, I think. Or, I guess everybody. By now you have probably already found my dead body and picked this up for the first time to read. First of all I would like to apologize to my dad, I'm sorry I didn't tell you anything. I love you dad, I really do. I just wasn't sure how to tell you how badly I was being bullied, and I really love Arthur, and I didn't want you to make me break up with him. Sorry dad. Don't think this is your fault; it's my body, my choice. Plus I'm the one who screwed everything up, anyways. Gilbert, thanks for teaching me how not to be a complete loser. Thanks for making all those jokes to cheer me up and helping me along the way. Kiku, thanks for talking to me in art class, and even though we only knew each other for a short time, I'm going to miss you buddy. Keep drawing! Okay, well, next is Liz. Liz thanks for being there for me. I'm really going to miss you, and there was nothing more you could do to help me. Don't blame yourself Liz, you're a beautiful young lady and I know you're going to do great things, sorry for taking you for granite. Keep moving Liz, you amazing little bitch. Matthew, my amazing little bro, If you ever get to read this I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry Mattie; I wish I could see you one last time. I'll always remember that stupid game we used to play when we would scream 'hut, hut' and hide from the cars. Those were the days. Love you, Mattie. Mom, you were an amazing woman, and take good care of Mattie, okay? I'll haunt you guys if you want! Well, any who, rest of the family, bye. I love you all; sorry I never made it to Italy. I wish I could hold on for a bit longer, but it's not working out. Don't tell little Peter that I killed myself, okay? Maybe just tell him I moved really far and I can't see him anymore, I don't want him to know that I did, he's too young. Okay, I don't really know that many people. Well, Chris I guess you're next even though you're probably happy I'm gone. But, just in case you do feel bad, don't be. I deserved a lot of the stuff you did to me, and I guess I should have listened. Maybe if I didn't talk to Liz that one day I wouldn't have done this. But, whatever, that's okay. Next I guess is Arthur, this is a long one so bear with me. You're probably all laughing at how stupid this is, right? I know just another paragraph or so and I'll be done. Okay, so, Arthur. I'm really; really sorry I made your life harder. You don't need to accept my apology or anything; I just want you to know I'm sorry. You're probably the best person I've ever met, and I really want you to be happy. But, I'm not very happy either, but I'm pretty sure you'll be okay without me, so that makes this much easier. If you're not I'll come back as a ghost or something like that. Sorry I broke your promise about not killing myself, but I don't think that promise stands anymore. I really love you, Arthur Kirkland, and even though you're probably still mad at me I love you anyways, you awesome little bastard. I know you'll change the world, one way or another, Arthur. Keep trying, dude, don't give up. Go be happy with Liam or someone. Okay, one more things, after I'm gone, please just forget about me. Don't mourn me, you don't even have to have a funeral or anything, just forget about me please. I'll be happier, I don't want to see anyone crying over my death, you hear? Okay, well, don't think I'm leaving upset. I'm actually pretty happy right now, wherever I'm going should be better than here. Oh yeah, P.S., you can give my stuff away if you want too. Oh, besides my jacket, give that to Arthur. He bought it for me so he deserves it back, right? P.S.S., I have a really big jar of nutella in the left cupboard next to the fridge if anyone want that._

_._

_I love you guys. Thank you, you guys made me feel special. You guys made me feel like a hero._

_Sincerely, Alfred F. Jones._

Now was time to think. I never actually thought my demise through. I don't have a gun anywhere, but I do have a razor. I could kill myself with the razor. But, that'd be really painful, slowly bleeding to death, and gruesome for my father to come across. Maybe I should run into the woods and starve myself, ha, starve myself, yeah right. Maybe I could go into the woods and climb up a tree and jump off, trying to find me will give my mom and dad hope for a little while, right? But I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to climb a tree, and I've never seen a tree that big around here. Buy a gun? Ha, like that would happen. I could jump off a building, but people would try to stop me from doing it. Damnit, I wish guns were a dollar each and I could actually buy one. I want to go out in the most un-painful way possible, so drowning purposely wasn't an option. Jump off a bridge? But then there would be a long search for my body which wouldn't make anyone happy. Damnit, why can't I just buy a gun? Hit myself in the head really hard? No, too painful I'll probably suffer afterwards. Cut off my hea- wait that's really weird. For fucks sake why can't I just have a gun? I guess I should just jump off a building, even if people try to stop me they won't be able to. Or I can just run and jump really fast so nobody notices. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

Getting off my bed, I numbly walked out of the house. I wasn't scared. I wasn't sad, happy, scared, angry, or nervous. I was just emotionless, blank. An unexpected heat hit my skin. I huffed, wow, a warm night in England. It was like Mother Nature was back stabbing me; the day I was going to die it was actually warm outside. I rubbed my arms before making my way down the steps of my porch.

And I walked down the street. Street lights were turning on, darkness creeping up the street.

I was going to pass Arthur's house, and a few other students. But I just kept walking. I kept walking even when I realized the light at the end of the street, and orangish glow dancing across the sidewalk.

Wait, what? What is that? That normally doesn't happen, orange lights? It's the middle of the night, and a glow like this doesn't happen in the day either. I cocked my head, squinting, looking down and the faint reflection on the side-walk. I must be losing it.

But then I heard the sirens. The loud sirens of a police car or some emergency vehicle, I really couldn't tell the difference. I jumped to the conclusion of a fire. I should walk the other way, take the longer way to downtown, I don't want to get caught up in a scene. I just want to die already, god Damnit.

But something was urging me to it. Curiosity killed the cat, I kept thinking. Don't get caught up in a scene, Alfred, c'mon, walk away. Nope, still walking towards the smoke. I saw the flashing lights of fire trucks and ambulances, smoke dancing across the dark blue sky.

Wait, have I passed Arthur's house yet? There is no way that's his house, no way.

"No! You have to go back in there! Please, you need to save my son! He's still in there!" A loud scream ripped the air, topping the sirens noise by far. God no, please god, that can't be Arthur's mother. Arthur's okay, that's not even his house. It can't be his house. That's not his mom or his house, I had to of passed his house a while ago. It's someone you don't care about, and you'll continue on your way. And then it will be over, everything will be over.

Once I saw that mail box that was once my guide to his house burnt badly, I went in a full-out sprint. The fire was huge, the beautiful orange and white flames escaping the top windows and licking over the paint, chipping it away. Parts of the porch burned, same with a section of the roof. I whimpered pathetically, feeling now like a helpless dog locked in a room. Arthur was nowhere to be seen. His mom was frantically crying out, fighting against the firemen to save her son.

"Misses Kirkland!" I shouted, sprinting over to the crazed woman. She cried and screamed against the firemen, the workers trying their best to calm her. She locked eyes with me.

"Alfred!" She called out my name as if I was her last hope.

"Where is Arthur?" I yelled, "Is he still in the house?" I could feel heat lightly burning one side of my face.

"Yes! Alfred, you're not thinking of-!" She was crying, but I never heard her finish her sentence. She was desperate, and I knew she wanted me to go in there and save him, she just couldn't admit it. Society had taught her to be a polite adult just like everybody else, and had done it so well that she was being polite even in a situation like this. Arthur could be dead for all I knew. He had to be alive, maybe he wasn't even in the house, and maybe he ran off. As soon as the fire fighters saw me hurdling at full speed towards the house, one of them putting out the fire tried to stop me, but I quickly jumped out of his reach and pumped my legs harder into the house. Now was one of those times I wished I kept exercising.

I reached for the doorknob, which was burning hot. I recoiled, spitting on my hand to try and calm down the burning sensation. A firefighter screamed from behind me, which only pushed me further. I backed up quickly and rammed into the already weakened door, the unsteady wood falling quietly to the floor. Smoke blew past my face, burning my eyes as I continued into the house. I waited for my vision to clear, trying to use my head instead of blindly charging to my death. I had to get Arthur out, and then I could die. Then it would be okay.

Surprisingly, walking through a burning building isn't as dark as people say it is, or at least for me. It was misty, and I couldn't see as far as normal, but I could clearly make out details on objects that were maybe two meters away. My glasses started to fog up though, so I tossed them into the ground as the world slightly blurred around me. "Arthur!" I cried out, cupping my hands around my mouth. The smoke killed my throat almost immediately after taking in that large of a breath, and suddenly breathing got really hard. "A-Arthur, where are you?" That time it was more of a cough then a yell. I didn't have time to search the bottom floor; the living room carpet was quickly catching on fire. I ran up the stairs, hoping Arthur wasn't down there. He couldn't have been down there, nothing was too badly burned and he could have escaped easily. I still questioned my reasoning, though. Reaching the top of the stairs, I screamed his name again, even though my voice cracked and I coughed a few times. "Please answer! Where are you?" No answer, of course. But my hopes reached a peak when I heard the sound of a slightly human noise coming from Arthur's room, like a much strangled, tight voice. It was quiet to, it sounded like an 'I'm' but that was all I got. "Arthur, if that was you, I'm coming!" My legs felt sore, the heat burning at my sweatpants. I swallowed, pain traveling through my throat from all the smoke, I continued running. I rammed my body into Arthur's door, not wanting to burn my hand again. The door was even weaker than the front door, breaking into pieces almost as soon as my elbow met it. It felt like hours, but my eyes met with Arthur's limp body within seconds, and thank god he didn't look badly injured, but that didn't mean he wasn't internally injured.

I quickly looked him over as fast as possible, making sure he was still alive briefly. It was obvious he still was once looking at him, his eyes slightly opened and once meeting mine he blinked slowly. I felt relief wash over me, but the urgency to get him out was still there. He was conscious too, that was a good sign, but it didn't look like he was capable to do much else but keep his eyes open. "Arthur, I'm going to get you out, okay?" I said gently while carefully lifting him in my arms, making sure not to hurt him. He felt dead, completely limp. He didn't even struggle against my body. I could feel his heart beat pounding against me, he was terrified. I'd be to if I were in his situation. I swallowed again, pain filling my throat as I shakily got up from my knees. Okay, Alfred, get your thoughts together, this is the easy part. I ran out of his room, being careful not to go to fast. If Arthur had burns I couldn't see I don't want to irate the injuries more, or more importantly I don't want to drop him.

My hopes dropped when I saw the wall of fire covering my exit. I looked down at Arthur, his heart still beating unhealthily fast. His facial expression was blank, but the look in his eyes told a different story.

"We're going to die, aren't we?" He never said anything, but I could tell that exactly what he was thinking. I was going to make sure he didn't die. No matter how bad my back and legs burned, or no matter how bad the left side of my body hurt from smashing into doors, no matter how hard I wanted to cry, I was going to make sure he was getting out.

The window was my only chance. The only problem being the small fire spread out against the carpet. I decided throwing something at the window and smashing it open before running across the flames instead of taking the time to open it while my feet burned would be a better option. I frantically looked for something. I found a lamp that wasn't too hot, I balanced Arthur in one of my arms so he was pushed up against my shoulder and threw the lamp, ripping it out of its electrical socket. My breathing had turned into short squeaking noises. I watched as the lamp flew through the air above the carpet, oh how I hoped I threw it hard enough. It hit the window, but did no damage. I frowned, seeing my only option now was to run across the fire and waste time getting the window open. My boots were thick though, it would be okay, right?

Wrong.

As soon as I stepped over the fire on the carpet my feet almost immediately started burning. "Fuck!" I screamed in pain, running over to the window, balancing Arthur in one arm again while the other was busy trying to pry the window open. The burning brought tears to my eyes, but I finally got the window open, the only reason it taking so long because I was so panicked. I easily punched through the screen, moving my fist around to open it up almost all the way. Pushing Arthur's head carefully through the window first, I followed, maneuvering carefully out to make sure I wouldn't drop him coming out. I walked out of the porch, my legs starting to feel like jelly and my feet shooting with pain with every step.

I collapsed into the damp grass, panting and coughing. At one point I coughed and felt blood drizzle down my chin. Looking down at Arthur as the firefighters surrounded me, he was now unconscious. I nervously checked his pulse, bringing my thumb behind his ear, the soft pounding happily beating away. The firefighters surrounded us, there commotion sounded like a big blur since my ears had long popped from the pressure in the house. They took him from me, I wanted to tell them to be gentle with him to not injure him further, but I couldn't. I felt emotionless. No pride rested in my heart, not even when one of the men looked me in the eyes and said "You're a real hero, son." But I didn't feel sadness either, nor was it the feeling when I was writing the suicide note. What now? Leave and jump off a building? I can't do that now, I just saved Arthur. It didn't feel right, killing myself after saving him. But what if living for a few more weeks just to find out he still hates me goes to waste? All these thoughts subsided when Arthur's mom ran over to me and hugged me tightly, falling onto her knees to embrace me. I accepted the hug, tightly holding the middle-aged woman closer as she rambled on and cried her 'thank yous'.

"No…" I murmured, looking off at the ambulance they were carting Arthur into, "No problem, ma'am…" I rested my head on her shoulder as she cried and sobbed. Those words stung my throat up and down. After a few moments I sat on the back of another ambulance, ice bags stuck to my feet by bondage that they had wrapped around the injury. I was given one of those breathing things as well to clean out my throat. They also gave me a wet towel to soothe the burning on my back, and shortly after I had taken off my shirt.

"Alfred!" My attention was turned to my dad now sprinting towards me, he was half way down the street, waving his arms. I stared at him. I stared as a needy sensation filled my body, making me feel like a kid who was afraid of the monsters under my bed. But this time, the monsters were inside of me. My lips turned into a twisted frown. Tears welled in my eyes as I got up, my feet stinging like crazy and the towel dropping to the ground. I opened my arms.

"Daddy!"

I hadn't called him that in years. Neither had I hugged him in years. We embraced, hugging each other tightly while I sobbed loudly into his shoulder, shouting, "Dad! I'm so sorry! I love you so much! I love you so damn much!" My dad held my head into his shoulder, rubbing my sore back and shoulders. I could feel his body flex around mine, his embrace so warm and loving it made me cry even more.

"You're a hero, Alfred," He managed to whisper into my ear.

"I'm not though," I said back, my voice twisted and cracked, "Dad, I was going to commit suicide, I was just so scared and broken, a-and I didn't know how to tell you and I just- I just…" I burst into tears again, hugging him tighter against my body.

"Why? Why didn't you just tell me you were?" My dad said it quietly, stroking my hair in a comforting manner. I could still read the shock in his voice, even though he was trying hard to hold it back.

"I was scared," I bit down on my lip, my hands curling around his shoulders, "Dad, I'm gay. I've been dating Arthur for almost three months now, and we just broke up. Liz is mad at me now and she and Gilbert aren't my friends anymore," I paused and took a breath, "I'm so sorry."

"And you still saved Arthur from the fire?"

I was shocked. He didn't yell, he didn't laugh or call me a fag. He just asked me that I saved Arthur. "Well, yeah," I murmured, "I'm still in love with him."

We sat down on that ambulance and talked for what seemed like hours. I cried some more, but they weren't apology nor sad tears, they were happy. My father accepted me now, or he did all along and I was just too naïve to know. He told me I shouldn't feel bad about keeping a secret like that, and he said he would be scared to if he were in the same situation. I told him about the bullying and my two month long crush on Arthur and how Arthur broke up with me, and how Liz got angry and how I really needed help. He promised he would get me help, and everything was going to be okay. That I would see Matthew again in a few months and that he would try and be accepting as possible. He told me he understood my crazy, torn into pieces story. And that's when I realized I had someone waiting to hold me and take care of me this whole time, even if it didn't seem like it. That I've been ignoring my help for days, weeks, months, years.

But now I knew it was going to be okay. Even if I didn't end up with Arthur, I would be okay. Not happy, just okay. I would live on, move back to America when I get older, and maybe start dating again. Maybe I could make up with Liz. But, the most urgent thing was Arthur. I felt like maybe I still had hope. Maybe I had a chance. Maybe we would still be friends that would be awesome. Dating would be better, but I didn't care what I was as long as I would be making him happy. My dad promised me I could buy him a big bouquet of flowers and bring it to him once the hospital started letting him have guests. I just braved a fire, I'm pretty sure I can brave texting Liz. I'll become an artist one day, not a famous one, but I'll show the world what I love doing. Matthew and I could even live together if he wanted too once we go to college, maybe even go to Disney world one day. I've always wanted to go to Disney.

Walking home, I smiled the whole damn way.

I skipped school the next day, not because I was sad or anything, but because my feet ached with a pain indescribable to mankind. Okay, maybe I'm being over dramatic, but it hurt, and my feet looked all pink and scratched. They were really smooth too, probably because I burnt two layers of skin off. Ouch, not fun. I spent most of the day checking my phone for updates on the news on Arthur's condition, and all that (clearly) was listed was that he would be surviving, and the only places of damage were his back, lungs, and vocal chords. I really wanted to know if he could talk, that really scared me, never hearing Arthur's voice again. I'm sure he's fine for the most part, but still I was going to worry. The bad thing about the news is that they had all my information listed there and told how I saved Arthur. Fuck, I don't want that being the main topic at school.

The next day I went to school with crutches since one foot had been hurt worse than the other. I borrowed some old pair of my dad's that was too short for me, but I really didn't care, my foot really burned. I wore flip-flops too, which was really awkward because I never wear flip-flops.

Now, you have no clue how many people gave me looks. But they weren't mean looks; they just stared blankly at me. Not spacing out, but you know what I'm talking about. Stupid, gay Alfred had just saved someone from a fire, now would be a time to take back all the coward jokes. Chris and I exchanged glances but said nothing; he just looked at me and nodded. We never gave each other any attention again after that.

I apparently was now highly respected for loving someone so much. I didn't even see this as an act of bravery, more of an instinct to protect. I wasn't proving myself, I wasn't making myself feel better, I wasn't trying to win over anybody, I was just protecting someone.

Lunch came around. And I'm not sitting alone this time, I refuse. To lonely, I don't like it. It won't be the same without Arthur, but I'm not sitting alone. I want Liz and Gil back, especially if Arthur's leaving still. "May I sit here?" I put my head down on the seat that was once mine, and was still empty ever since I left.

Liz looked at me, squinting. I then panicked, my determination fading while her eyes came in contact with mine. I swallowed, looking away, holding my breath until the answer came out.

"We've been waiting for you to come back," Liz said quietly, "So yeah, it is your seat." She looked away. I guess the turning of her head made me more upset then it should have. I stayed quiet the whole lunch, not even bothering to get food. Now, this wasn't the depressed sulky feeling I had felt for three weeks, this was an awkward feeling, I didn't say anything because I was afraid of being shunned.

"So, uhm, Alfred," Liz spoke up, I lifted my head to turn to her, my eyes expanding slightly in response to the comment, "I was watching the news and uh…"

"You heard about that Arthur thing?" I said quietly, "If you're going to call me brave, please don't, I'm not brave. It was instinct."

"I knew you would respond like that," Liz smiled, and seeing her smile because of me made me smile as well.

"Well, how's the guy doing?" Gilbert added in a silly tone. Yes, yes there being nice to me. This is a start, I may have a friend group again soon.

"I don't know, I haven't seen him," I said with a shrug, "I hope he's okay. I'm going to see him once they start allowing visitors at the hospital."

"Did he say anything to you?" Liz tapped the table with her long fingers nails. I shook my head.

"Even if he wanted to I don't think he could, he damaged his vocal chords or something," I thought about my answer for a few moments, since I think he called out to me with that 'I'm' but I'm not even sure if that was him. I hope it was him sort of, because if it was he heard me coming and was desperate for me to get him. I like being relied on, but yet it pressures me. I don't know really, being relied on gives me a sense of panic but yet a nice protective feel.

"Oh," We all went quiet after Liz's word; sometimes I feel that 'oh' is an even worse conversation killer than 'kay'. We sat there for a while, silent.

"I hope he loves me again," I said awkwardly, but yet not. I felt the need to say it, even though I didn't save him because I wanted him to love me, I wanted him to live. But now I really wanted him to love me. I knew I would be okay without him, but he'd be taking a huge chunk of my heart with him. I couldn't live perfectly happy without Arthur, I knew it.

"I hope he loves you too, Alfred," Gilbert said quietly, "You two are made for each other. You're both really different, but yet not." That was probably the most serious thing I had heard come out of Gilbert's lips. I would have burst out laughing if not for the situation. "He should anyways, you saved his life."

"But that would be wrong," I said quietly, "He'd only love me for saving him, that's not right. I wouldn't feel right, but he loved me before as much as I loved him, maybe this can serve as a reminder." I realized how rude I sounded, "But if he still doesn't want to date that's okay. I'll miss him a lot though…"

"Don't you already miss him?"

I laughed, "Of course, I've missed you guys so much." We all smiled, not a funny smile or a wicked happy smile, just a simple friendly, shy smile.

"Hey, how about we all get ice cream?" Liz said, nudging my stomach playfully, "Lets meet in the usual place."

Ice cream never sounded so great.

The next week was really fun. Besides my constant worrying, I felt great. I felt my strength and tan starting to come back as Gilbert and I played American football together, Liz cheering us on. Or, two on two football, which I owned him at. I was a pretty good kicker, and I easily shot the ball very close to his goal. Gilbert would get a few in from time to time, though. One day Liz made a big card board sign that said "YOU GUYS BOTH SUCK" on it, holding it up and yelling as we played. The plus about this sign was that it was really sparkly and colorful. We got ice cream together another time, this time I paid.

My dad also got me a therapist. I would go there every Tuesday, and I visited him once so far. His name's Heracles, and it's pretty clear he really likes cats. He's not that old either, maybe around twenty seven. He's really nice and calm, and has really pretty brown eyes. At first I was a bit embarrassed, I didn't want to feel like one of those kids with a ton of issues, but Heracles made it feel like it wasn't. I told him a lot of stuff, the good, and the bad, how I felt about my life so far. He gave me some hope with Arthur as well, telling me that we had to be at least friends after this. I left feeling pretty good, actually looking forward to seeing him again. Since I was doing okay though, it was just more of a renewal, not a total help. He did help me, but I didn't need it as much as I did before. I never told him I was so close to committing suicide.

Wednesday night I was exhausted. Gilbert and I played all night, Liz ended up falling asleep in the bleachers. After this I took her sleeping body carefully in my arms and threw her in a puddle. That was fun. I just finished eating dinner and my bones ached, lying down in my bed after making a small little cave for myself out of blankets. I rested my head on a pillow as I checked my texts.

**Liz Héderváry, 9:07: ALFRED MY HAIR IS STILL FUCKING WET AND I SMELL TERRIBLE.**

I laughed, my fingers tapping against the screen.

**Alfred Jones, 9:15: You're sleeping face was just asking for it, dude!**

Sliding down my text messages I came across Arthur's name. I sighed, checking the two month old texts.

**Arthur Kirkland, two months ago: I love you, goodnight sweetie 3**

Goddamnit, Alfred, stop doing this to yourself. Well, I hope he's doing okay.

I felt like throwing up when I saw the flashing message of **Arthur Is Typing **in big letters across the top of the screen. No, that had to be a glitch. Arthur was still at the hospital, hurt and resting. And anyways, he wouldn't text you; you had to take the first step on this one.

Apparently not.

**Arthur Kirkland, seconds ago: Hey, um, Alfred? **

Right now I felt like putting on a party hat, decorating the house and throwing a big dance party. Arthur had texted me, this was the first time we had interacted in a month. But, how do I respond? I have to respond, I need to talk to him. I deleted five messages before sending them until coming up with an okay one.

**Alfred Jones, seconds ago: Um hey Arthur?**

**Arthur is typing, Arthur Is Typing, **shit, hurry up Arthur. Liz messaged me something, but I completely ignored her. Well, I thought of messaging her back until Arthur texted a new message.

**Arthur Kirkland, seconds ago: Well, I didn't think you would answer… **

**Alfred Jones, seconds ago: Uhm, is that bad? **I regretted texting that after, the only reason we broke up being my insecurities, but that was a hard text to respond to.

**Arthur Kirkland, seconds ago: No, it's not, I'm just really lonely and needed someone to talk to.**

**Alfred Jones, seconds ago: Can you call me, then? **Man, now that I finally got an interaction from Arthur I wanted more. I was really happy to have him texting me, but oh I longed for that cute little accent.

**Arthur Kirkland, seconds ago: I can't really talk, my voice is really cracked and weird. Squeaky too, it's like I'm going through puberty again. **I laughed a little at that text.

**Alfred Jones, seconds ago: Well, how are ya doing? How bad are you hurt?**

**Arthur Kirkland, seconds ago: Not too bad, actually. The only reason I'm still here is because of my throat and lungs. I have a bad burn on my back that someone made worse, and that someone is you, lol**

I actually said 'opps' aloud to that, that's exactly what I was trying to avoid. At least he was trying to be happy with me now. My fingers glided against the screen, typing the message: "Opps, sorry dude."

**Arthur Kirkland, seconds ago: Heh, its fine Alfred. You saved my life, it really doesn't matter how much you hurt my back. **

Arthur, please don't call me a hero. I'm not, I wasn't being brave, I wasn't doing it for myself, I was doing it because you need to make your impact on the world. Please, don't say those things. It'll bother me, I don't need you to be thankful.

I took a breath, needing to change the subject. The fire was almost all I had been talking about for the last few weeks. I knew what I wanted to say, but I really felt nervous about typing it. Man up, Alfred, you saved a man from a burning building you can type a simple text.

**Alfred Jones, seconds ago: Artie, I really miss you. **I swallowed, oh jeez, I sound so desperate. Well, I was pretty desperate.

**Arthur Kirkland, seconds ago: I miss you a lot too, love. **

Love. He called me love. It was just a stupid text but it meant so much, he loved me. I didn't care what way he loved me as long as he loved me. I felt like buying a DDR machine and playing it now just to get my excitement out. I didn't even feel awkward anymore; it felt like I was talking to my sweetheart, Arthur Kirkland. I still had to be cautious though. I started to text him back, which was cut off by another text from Arthur.

**Arthur Kirkland, seconds ago: Alfred, are you mad at me? Like, at all?**

I laughed at the comment, no, I wasn't mad at all. I texted him an 'of course not. How about you?'

**Arthur Kirkland, seconds ago: Not anymore, the days before my house caught on fire I've been thinking about you. I really, really miss you.**

I bit down on my smiling lip, I could feel that warmth that you get from a hug surround my body, even though nobody was hugging me. He missed me, he actually missed me. Even before his house caught on fire, Arthur wanted me. Maybe not as much as I wanted him, but he still wanted me.

**Alfred Jones, seconds ago: Arthur, can I visit you soon?**

**Arthur Kirkland, seconds ago: Please, please visit me. Friday okay?**

**Alfred Jones: Of course! I'll come any day, I'm not very busy.**

**Arthur Kirkland: Can you tell Liz and Gilbert I'm alright? **

I laughed, they were worried about him to, I forgot. It wasn't just me who was worried about him. I texted him back a 'Course, they were worried about you too.'

**Arthur Kirkland, seconds ago: Aw, I miss them, tell them to visit me as well. Wait, I can text them nvm.**

**Alfred Jones, seconds ago: Hey, Arthur, when are you leaving for London?**

**Arthur Kirkland, seconds ago: Aw, is Alfie gonna miss me? Lol, well, don't miss me, I never canceled the plans. We'll leave in a month or so.**

We'll. We'll leave. Goddammit, get the fucking DDR game I need it now! Holy shit, I didn't have to leave him! He didn't have to leave me, we would live together and happily live on and on! Our stupid gay wedding might actually happen. Even if he was saying this as my friend, maybe he'd fall in love with me again, and I didn't even care if he didn't! I was going to live with Arthur!

I smiled, I felt a few hot tears stream down my cheek as I typed a message, only to be interrupted by another text from Arthur.

**Alfred, I gotta go, the doctors are mad at me for staying up this late. See you on Thursday, goodnight 3**

I whispered my message to myself as well, "Goodnight Artie."

Arthur's next message took a while, but it was worth the wait.

**I love you, darling.**

I was able to type 'I love you too, mister Kirkland,' before bursting into tears.

On Thursday Liz, Gilbert and I all went to the football field. I showed them everything. And we laughed and cried and had such a wonderful time. We talked about everything we did together, everything we had. We went on a walk in the woods and had a picnic while Gilbert told shitty ghost stories. I didn't care that they were shitty though, as long as he was telling them, as long as we were together.

"Alfred, promise me we'll never lose connection," Liz said that night as we all sat, mosquitoes tearing into our skin as night fell, "That we'll always be best friends no matter what."

"We're the gay mall trio and don't you forget it," I said with a laugh, but I started tearing up nonetheless. These guys were my best friends. They would always be my best friends. Liz, the beautiful strong chick that kicked gender stereotypes in the ass, and Gilbert, my cocky albino friend that had the best female impression I had ever heard. We would always be together even if we stopped seeing each other, we would be locked by memories, the stupid memories of our ice cream and Christmas parties. Best friends, my first real best friends. When I was in America I was popular, and that was the problem, nobody liked me for me but my brother. But these guys, these two people made my life so happy. Two people could bring me so much joy. And all I had to do was wait and be patient for them to come into my life and love me. I didn't need to play sports or impress them with my amazing drawing feats, they loved me for me. I never knew someone could love me for me until I met them.

Laying there that night, looking up at the starless sky while it started to rain was the best feeling ever.

We ran back to the school, the rain pouring down on our heads. Gilbert tripped me twice and I picked him up and threw him into a puddle, Liz laughing hard. Gilbert knocked me down, but I quickly got up and started running, playing an intense game of tag. The wind rushing through my hair and rain soaking my sweater never felt so good. We walked to my house screaming 'All together now' by the Beatles, down the street, arms locked, as loud as possible, rain pouring down our faces. We probably looked like freaks, dancing and singing "A, B, C, D, Can I bring my friend to tea?" down my quiet little street. We sped up our clumsy dancing as the song sped up, patting our knees and screaming as loud as we could into the street. These two were psychopaths, but so was I.

We were psychopaths together.

Crazy, singing, dancing psychopaths screaming Beatles songs down the street.

Wow, we should have a traveling circus or something.

I skipped school Friday. My dad and I went out to buy Arthur flowers. I picked out a big thirty dollar bouquet of blue, purple, and light green flowers, the shades striking me as Arthur-like. I drew a stupid little cartoon of a smiley flower on the name card and wrote "From Alfred" in big, sloppy letters and a little heart. I didn't even feel awkward anymore since I texted him, since he sent me 'I love you darling'. I had probably read that text thirty times to make sure it wouldn't disappear. 'I love you, darling' burned in my mind, I could hear his voice saying it to me, but I just wanted to hear him say it. I was shaking the whole shopping trip, wanting to hold him in my arms, feel his lips against mine. I was getting ahead of myself, but I missed him so much. I missed every inch of him, his messy hair, his odd black eyebrows, amazing green eyes, his soft fingers. I wondered what he would do when he sees me, hell, what will I do?

"Hey, Alfred, I'll go wait outside," My dad said, winking and tapping my shoulder, "Don't be to awkward, but take as long as you want." It was after I had checked in my dad left, a blonde haired woman leading me upstairs. She sounded like an infomercial girl, it was kind of funny. But I was too excited to think about this. How long had it been since I talked face to face with Arthur? A month? A month sounds right. I missed him so fucking much.

"Arthur, you have a visitor?" The woman said confused for some reason, shooting a look back at me, squinting her eyes. She opened the door slightly, letting me in. I turned quickly, the noise of the door slamming behind me shocking me.

"Hey, Arthur," I said quietly, the flowers dropping to my side as I smiled.

Arthur smiled, his green eyes lighting up coming in contact with mine, "Alfred." And I ran over to him and gave him a great big hug. He reached out for it as I neared him, and once I sealed the space between us Arthur's arms tightly wrapped around my neck. I could feel him smiling against my shoulder as my nose nudged against his shoulder blade. This was the best hug I had ever received. It felt like I was meeting him all over again, but better. He laughed quietly. He loved me again, I could feel it. He didn't need to say anything, I was sure of it now. His warmth, the way he hugged my so tightly, how his fingers pulled softly at my hair, this was all I needed for the rest of my life. Arthur Kirkland, no wait, scratch that, my Arthur Kirkland, finally in my arms again. I felt tears but I pushed them back. This, this was the best. Better than our first kiss, better than saving him from a fire, better than the 'I love you' text. This was better because I knew I would be happy. I would be happy for a long, long time, right along side Arthur. I would be happy making him happy, no matter what kind of love we were showing.

We separated, only to be brought back together by a kiss. My heart stopped, the warmth of his lips tingling over my chapped lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck, his hands sliding up to my cheeks, each thumb rubbing small circles. I felt a few tears, but they weren't mine. Arthur was crying silently, but continued to kiss me. Did he feel the same amount of happiness I felt? This bubbling feeling of melting in each other's arms, so happy to hold each other again? I smiled against his lips, the memories pouring back, not as reminders I could never have him, but reminders that I had done something great. I had tried so hard to get this one person in my life, and I had done it. I had done it through hoping he was out there, and I found him in the place I least expected him. Hope brought me here, Arthur Kirkland brought me here.

Our lips clicked together quietly as they separated, but the feeling never subsided. Our foreheads pressed together silently, I dropping the flowers on the table next to me. I closed my eyes, our hair brushing together slightly, and our noses gently pushing together. I opened my eyes slightly, Arthur's staring back at me, his eyes half-lidded.

And this is when I realized this stubborn, prideful, foul mouth Brit changed my life completely around. Good and bad, but I learnt from the bad, making things better. That one day he took me out of that gym locker after Chris had chocked me. After that, Arthur told his fun little story to Liz and Gilbert , and well, we became best friends. This was the thing I had to fight for, I couldn't leave like I did with Matthew, but this was more urgent. These guys really mattered, and I mattered to them. I loved them with all my heart, and they may just be a group of crazy messed up misfits, but that's what I was. And they accepted me when I thought nobody else would. I don't think I would still be alive if I hadn't found them, or, they found me. They found me and I had to fight for them. I had to protect them as long as they would let me, I would show them they were wonderful. They were wonderful because they made me feel wonderful. I now realize this whole time I was a hero, a brutally damaged, torn up, and stepped on hero, but still a hero. They made me one. They made me feel like a hero, I loved them so much I had to protect them no matter what. Which really made me a silent, shy little hero, but still a hero. Guarding the people close to me when people didn't expect it.

My dear Arthur Kirkland, you have shown me the satisfaction and troubles of being in love. The highs and lows. The lows turning me into someone, and the highs reaching me closer to my goals. This was all because of you, my life, and this rather pathetic life of mine that upon seeing the full picture wasn't so pathetic anymore.

These were the ups and downs of being in love with a Kirkland.

* * *

**Authors Note**-

**THIS IS NOT THE ENDING**

**NOT THE ENDING**

**READ THIS**

**READ IT**

**NOT THE ENDING**

**BUT CLOSE**

OH MY GOD I SAID THE TITLE OF THE BOOK AWHHHHH

that wasnt even planned i'm like 'aw this is emotional LETS STICK IT HERE'

WHO SAW THE PLOT TWIST OF A FIRE, ANYONE? Like i'm pretty sure every one thought it would turn into an emotional climax of sorts, like another fight, Liz doing something about it, **BUT SCREW THAT, FIRE SOLVES ALL MY STORYLINE PPROBLEMS**

now that I have found my power as a writer I know will twist the hearts of my readers into a million tiny pieces. But, I cried myself while writing this (like really fucking hard), the ending, the Liz and Gilbert scene, and the part with Alfred's dad getting me the most. Oh yeah, the day that Liz and Alfred 'broke up' Gilbert was out sick (forgot to include that), thats why he has no speaking roles in that scene.

I seriously laughed when people said last chapter 'plz Alfred don't start cutting'. if you guys are afraid of that I have something else in store, mwahaha

The next part may take long, since there is hardly any dialog in it, mostly consists over very long paragraphs.

LET ME JUST STICK A BEATLES SONG IN THERE EVERY TIME I THINK ITS CUTE. Okay, I started bawling at the part with Liz, Gilbert and Alfred in the rain. Well, not bawling, but you get what I mean. Its like, Alfred knows hes leaving now, but heres the three dorky best friends dancing and singing in the rain together FRIENDSHIP FOREVER YO

P.s., I made a sort of songtrack for this fanfic... Not really, I just found songs that went along with it; watch?v=PMzjE4eCul8 , watch?v=dV3FUwgnSrQ , watch?v=cym52I0pD9M , AND OF COURSE WE HAVE BLACK BIRD watch?v=7epRPz0LGPE

if you're an indie-music fanatic like me you'll love this lol

WELL, HERES THE DRAMATIC CONCLUSION **BUT NOT THE ENDING**

****I hope I either made you all happy and crushed all your souls at the same time X3 3 (jk love you guys)


	8. Chapter 8

Now, you may be asking a lot of questions. Wait, what happened after that? You forgave Arthur just like that? What happened when you moved? Well, I became a writer. Ironic, huh? After people heard how I saved Arthur, everybody said I should be a police officer or fire fighter, someone who saves lives. But, one day a girl who must have been fifteen came up to me, looked at me like I was god, and hugged me tightly. She asked me 'You're Alfred Jones, aren't you?' I said yes, and she told me that one of her books stopped her from committing suicide. That felt good, that felt really good. Just some random girl could have been anybody. Arthur never became a punk rocker like he had planned, but instead a high school music teacher. This sounds lame, but trust me, Arthur's band was at the top of its game. Liz and Gilbert started a hotel, and when I visited, best hotel I've ever been to that's for sure. I've heard they may start a chain. Well, that doesn't satisfy you, does it? Probably want the rest of my life piece by piece, so well, here it is.

A week later Arthur came back to school. I was mad at him at first, but Arthur wouldn't get off my back so I forgave him by the second day. We kissed and held hands and even made out a few times in class, we didn't care anymore, and we would be leaving in two weeks anyways. We all sat together, Liz, Gilbert, Arthur and I. The team was back together, finally.

The last day home was a hard, but happy one. Liz, Gilbert, Arthur and I all went to the school after dark, and we all just sat on the roof together. That was fun, getting up there, watching the heavens while lying next to the people I cared about the most. Even though Arthur didn't kiss me or anything that night, nothing romantic or anything, I felt amazing. Like nothing in the world could happen to us, nothing could ever separate us. Nothing would ever separate us.

After this we all went to some bar and restaurant, but none of us had a sip of alcohol. We all drank cherry sodas and root beer, cheering and singing like a group of drunken men.

And that was it. Liz and Gilbert went home. That day was to short; even a life time wouldn't have been long enough. The last thing Liz said to me was before I left was, "you're life isn't done yet, Alfred, don't give up." Even though I saw her again, those words burned in my mind like they were her last. Sometimes if I think about us long enough I cry, I cry because of those damn words. Of course there we the 'I love you guys, let's see each other again real soon, I'll miss you,' but her last sentence really counted.

Arthur and I packed up. He met me at the door with three boxes, since most of his stuff was burnt, but he still had the guitar strapped around his shoulder. "It's a miracle, almost everything else was burned in my closet but this," He said, tapping the smooth plastic covering the instrument, "It's a little singed, but not too bad." We packed my stuff up into boxes and a duffel bag, the most important object being a picture of the four of us we took at a sleep over, Arthur on my back, Liz and gilbert doing the duck face. I said goodbye to my dad, and that's it. We went to the bus stop and waited. As the bus pulled up, I looked back at my little house down the street with a smile. I could just make out through the darkness my on the porch waving and I waved back.

"I'm never going to forget this place, Arthur," I said in a whisper as the bus doors opened, "Even if my dad doesn't live here anymore, or the school gets torn down, this will always be where my life started."

"Same," Arthur smiled, nudging my rib with his elbow, "But, home is with you."

"Yeah, home is with my Artie," I laughed, stepping onto the bus, "We're so cheesy." We both awkwardly made our way to the back, our stuff clanging against the seats. Since this was a pretty good one, they had the spaces above our seats to put our stuff in, like an airplane. I took a blanket and a bag of chips out of my duffel bag before shutting it away, just in case we got hungry or cold, since this was a five hour drive. Okay, yes, I said I lived close to London, and by that I meant closer than most people. I pressed my face against the window, tearing up as we drove away. I was leaving, just like America, but this was different. It was a mix of pride, sadness, and joy. Arthur and I snuggled together as the bus got onto the bridge to downtown. I could imagine that night on New Year's Eve so clearly. The bus ride was okay, Arthur and I didn't talk much, we just kissed every now and then, but yet I was really happy. Nothing happened on that bus ride, but this was it. New everything was coming my way, new school, new chance.

Once we arrived, Arthur was fast asleep on my shoulder. I had to wake him up, and I felt bad because it was about five in the morning now, but we had shit to do. I carried most of our stuff. We signed into the school, got our room and slept. The room was 202, on the second floor. We didn't even bother to set up our stuff; we just threw a bunch of pillows and blankets onto one bed, snuggled up and fell asleep. We slept until two in the afternoon, and then we started to decorate our new home. I smiled upon pulling out three pictures, one of my dad, Ala, and I, the one of Liz, Gilbert, Arthur and me, and one of my mom and brother. I carefully set them up on top of my bookshelf. The second bed in the apartment was really pointless because I knew Arthur and I would be sleeping together almost every night, but I laid down blankets and stuff on the second bed anyways. After setting up the apartment, we both looked at each other and giggled "This place looks like shit." It didn't, really, it was actually quite nice. I sent dad, Liz, and Gilbert places of my new home.

Next week we started school. Arthur and I had talked about if we should be openly gay, or keep it a secret. We eventually came onto the conclusion of 'screw it'. School was weird at first, I had gotten lost at least ten times the building was so big. But this time I get to pick my classes, which was nice. I took a ton of art classes, plus a few writing classes, and a health class. It's about time I started getting educated on sex and cooking. I can maybe cook for Arthur well, and have good sex with him. Yeah, that'll be nice. But, it was also a good time to get started on sports. So, I signed up for football or soccer as the British call it.

After school, I went to football signups. Well, I signed up, but these were more like additions I guess. The coach, Coach Zwingli, all looked us over as we sat in a line. It was weird; I didn't think joining a football team would be like this. I was the tallest too, even sitting down. It made me nervous, because well I stuck out like a sore thumb. "Wow, you're pretty big," the coach had commented upon looking at me. I immediately blurted out 'sorry sir' and he just laughed, saying that it was a good thing. A new it was a good thing, I guess I just forgot.

Well, apparently I rocked it. The results would be posted next Monday, or so the coach said. A young looking boy, who was apparently seventeen, came up to me and congratulated me. His name was Feliciano. After this, the other boys and I hung around until Arthur picked me up and we walked home. Soon though, Feliciano and I became friends. He was a nice guy, kind of nervous though, didn't seem like the football type at all. While all this was happening, Arthur got into an Indie band that one of the teachers was hosting. At night he would practice songs on his guitar, which was usually what put me to sleep at night. Liz texted me updates every so often.

Next Monday, the results were after all posted. Guess who was the quarterback? Yeah, Mister Alfred Jones. As this happened, my popularity started growing throughout the school, and my team gave me automatic friends. But these weren't fake friends, these guys were really nice. They also thought it was super cute on how I was gay, which was annoying but funny, because every time Arthur kissed me they would all coo and howl. It's like having 18, huge, male Liz's running around. The fire story quickly spread throughout the school, which was now spoken about quite a lot, actually. It was annoying, but kind of fun at the same time. Now, being the quarterback came with consequences. I had a whole group of girls who were crushing on me, and whenever they tried to flirt with me Arthur would get super jealous. It was cute and funny at the same time.

We had done it; Arthur and I were at the top of our game. Arthur had to travel to different concerts a lot though, and I had to travel to different games. But on the weekends we would cuddle and kiss, Skype Liz and Gilbert on Arthur's new laptop and watch movies together. We finally had a proper date too. And now that we were pretty popular, we threw parties. And these were good parties, because I invited everyone, the misfits, and the popular kids. I got along with both. So did Arthur, of course.

Arthur's seventeenth birthday came really fast. We went back to our small little town and celebrated with his mom and dad, Kiku, Liz, and Gilbert. Then we brought Liz and Gilbert back to London with us and we had a huge party. I showed them around, oh man it was great.

And of course, July fourth was my birthday. I waited for Arthur to get home from a concert, and it saddened me at first that he couldn't celebrate it with me until very late, but when he came home with a husky puppy in his arms I couldn't stop smiling. But then I noticed the tags on the dog, it had two plane tickets to America tied to the collar. I cried, Arthur held me, laughing. "You're father helped me pay for them," Arthur told me after I calmed down, "We'll leave in two days." And we kissed, for a really, really long time. And that kiss turned into sex. I missed that. We ended up naming the puppy Apollo by the way, since I was in an ancient Greek class at the time.

America was great. We went to Washington and visited Matthew and my mom, and my mom kissed me all over and told me how big I had gotten. Then I kissed Matthew all over and told him how big he had gotten. Arthur couldn't get over the fact that Matthew and I looked almost identical. We spent three nights there, and accidently Arthur slipped in bed with Matthew, thinking it was me. I started laughing and Matthew just kind of stared at him. Arthur stared screaming 'Oh my god, im so sorry' and finaly snuggled into bed with me. We laughed about it in the morning.

Then we went to Disney. Or, Florida. But we went to this fancy hotel with the Disney characters everywhere, and it was so much fun. I took a picture with every character I saw, and Arthur started to get frustrated with how enthusiastic I was. I sent Liz and Gilbert over a thousand pictures those few days. I went on a dozen roller coasters and threw up once. Arthur and I went to eat at this really good seafood restaurant to, the bill ended up being a hundred dollars, but it was worth it. We went to a water park the next day, and I soon found out Arthur couldn't swim. As he sat on a chair by the pool and tanned, along with a ton of others, I went under the water and didn't come up for thirty seconds. Arthur got worried and sat at the edge of the water, which was when I jumped out and pulled him under, kissing him beneath the water. Arthur shouted at me for hours for that, but we both started laughing after a while.

We went back home after a week. I didn't want to leave, but we had too, and I was pretty sad to go. But, I had two new pictures to frame and hang. One of Arthur and I wearing the traditional Disney hats, and a picture of my mom, Matthew, Arthur and I. The rest of the summer was fun; we threw parties, went shopping, and even got to see Liz and Gilbert again.

Two weeks after school started I was playing a football game. This was an important one against one of our biggest competitors, and since I was the biggest player in the team, I was basically attacked by every single player on the other team. Well, I was running for the ball, and I had jumped for it, but I landed on my ankle. Now, this wouldn't have hurt too bad, I'd probably had been in pain for a few minutes and then get right back into the game. But as I landed on my ankle, I was slammed into the ground hard by a player on the opposite team.

Crack. Broken leg. It hurt so badly, I screamed the same guttural scream I let out from the time I got punched in the eye. The other man on top of me was shocked, getting up and screaming as well to stop the game. I could feel the bone rubbing against the other, and oh man it was gross. I screamed again as I tried to stand, my leg making another popping sound. The game was halted and I was removed from the game. The couch called an ambulance, and the others that were out put some ice on the injury. Arthur came running within seconds, I don't even know how he got down there, and coach must have showed him. He asked me the normal questions like 'how bad does it hurt?' and after that he just sat with me, holding my hand. I ended up with a cast and got two weeks off of school, since my leg wasn't broken too bad. Arthur took care of me for those weeks when he got home from band practice, it was nice.

Fourth month into my final year of high school, Arthur had a really big competition between another band. Around this time is when I found out Arthur had a few issues of his own before I came into his life, this being abuse from his real father. This is why he was constantly looking for love, but his emotions were switched very easily, and why he let his pride get the better of him. I knew deep down he was always a grump, but I guess this made it worse. But, anyways, Arthur was great at his band performance. Even though he was part of a twenty person band, he still had his own guitar solo which rocked. He even used my guitar that I gave him. We snuggled most of the night after, I told him how great he was and he blushed and thanked me quietly. He was so damn cute.

After this I was able to play football again, and Arthur got his driver's license. His mom bought him a silver car, and I followed with my drivers license shortly after, but we just shared the car since we didn't have enough money to buy a second one. I got a job at a froyo self-service place on campus, which was awesome because I got free frozen yogurt almost every day.

And we finished high school. We went to a big after school party, where I of course brought frozen yogurt samples because I could obtain them for free. That night was fun, a lot of fun. A week into summer we had our last football game, and we totally rocked. Well, I had my last football game, because the rest of the boys were going on, but I was quitting. The game was really intense though, it started raining and I, must have slipped twenty times. Glad nobody got seriously hurt.

Arthur soon got a job as well, and the two of us combined made enough money to buy our own house. We moved happily to the countryside, my dog now twice the size it was before was hard to fit anywhere in the car. I was eighteen now, and Arthur was nineteen. It was a sad day, because I was leaving all my friends behind, even though they were leaving as well.

Our new home was rather big, even bigger then my first house in England. I sent the pictures to Liz and Gilbert of our new home. Arthur and I stared in front of that thing for hours, looking at our new home, smiling like idiots.

"We did it, Alfred."

"We really did, didn't we?"

Decorating that house was really, really fun. We sang 'when I'm 64' while putting things everywhere, Arthur's voice sounding much better than mine. I had to quickly apply for a job, since the both of us had to quit our old ones. But before I got a new job as a (really sexy) waiter, I sent out the first part of this little journal to a publisher. In two weeks, I got a response. Before Arthur and I knew it, we had a really good amount of pounds. We weren't rich, but we had enough to go around. And so I became a writer, having a part time waiter job still since it takes a while to write books. Arthur had a few college classes every Wednesday, which slowly turned from music into teaching. Before I knew it, Arthur was a music teacher. But, I didn't get to see him as often as I used to, I missed him a lot. We lived like this for a really long time, having barbeques in the yard sometimes, inviting Feliciano over and some other high school friends. But despite living together so long, we never, ever got bored of each other. Not once I went 'jeez I'm used to his kisses', it's always been just how it was when we were young and in love. It's always felt like that, warm, happy, and new. The first day Arthur went to school to teach I missed him a lot. When he got home, I had ran over to the door, picked him up without saying anything, and laid down on the couch holding him to my chest. Arthur laughed quietly with a 'Did somebody miss me?' before kissing my nose and snuggling up with me. When I wasn't at work waiting for Arthur to get home, I really felt like an abandoned puppy. The third week of him going to school, I came to his school in the middle of the day. I asked the principle where he was and found him quite easily. He was at a teachers lunch break or something, so I walked up behind him, covered his eyes and said 'Guess who?' into his ear. Arthur laughed, immediately guessing it was me, and we kissed for a little while. Arthur introduced me to his teacher friends and his students, which the student part was really fun because I got to embarrass him in front of each class of fifty students. One day in December Arthur didn't come home for hours, I must've called him twenty times but he didn't pick up. I was destroyed, I thought maybe he had gotten into a car accident. I paced back and forth for what seemed like hours until Arthur came home, telling me that he had a teachers meeting. Apparently he told me about it and I just don't remember, but at that point I was glad he was safe. On the first day of vacation Arthur and I had sex because we hadn't in a while, between his school hours and my writing and food-serving hours.

Christmas that year was really fun, we went down to Westminster on Christmas eve and walked Apollo around for what seemed like hours. I got some presents in the mail from Liz, Gilbert, Kiku and my dad, which was all some sort of writing thing. Beside Liz, Liz got me a big tub full of cheese balls and a reindeer costume for Apollo. Yeah, Liz is the perfect prank gifter ever.

Liz and Gilbert came down around Arthur's twenty fifth birthday. Two weeks before his birthday they came down so we could hang out, and I hadn't seen them in forever, so it was a shocker. I wasn't shocked that they came over, but how old they looked. Liz looked like a woman, her breasts had nearly doubled in size and she had a very attractive hourglass figure. Not that I'm saying I was turned on, but she was defiantly pretty. Her face was evened out and had lost that soft look that Arthur's still had. Gilbert surprisingly looked like a stick almost, broad shoulders and straight down skinny. His legs had gotten really long as well, and his face really didn't change much, but he still looked a lot more adult. He even had small sideburns which I teased him about forever.

Three days after Liz and Gilbert came over; we all went to Westminster to go shopping. Gilbert and Arthur separated from us so Liz and I could buy Arthur a birthday present. Liz got him some new stuff for his guitar since it was pretty old now, and afterwards I led Liz into a very special store.

"Wait, are you getting Arthur earrings?" Liz laughed, elbowing me in the gut while we walked into a jewelry store, but once I ran over to the rings excitedly Liz gasped. "Alfred, are you doing what I think you're doing?"

I almost screamed it to the whole store, "Arthur and I are getting married!" Or, I thought we were. Or, more like I was planning on proposing to him. Liz and I jumped up and down hand and hand like we were sixteen again before looking at rings. I found a pair that I really liked, but they were both like two thousand dollars each or something, no way I can afford that. I finally found two that I liked and that I thought Arthur would like too. They two silver rings, engraved each with a line. I wanted something decorative and cool, but all the cool ones were all really feminine looking, but these two rings looked manly enough so I purchased them for four hundred and thirty six pounds (about seven hundred dollars). Liz and I sat outside that store for hours planning on how I was going to propose to him.

"So, like, maybe when we go out to dinner on his Birthday you can do it," Liz said, "More people are coming too."

"Yeah but it needs to be something quirky," I moaned, frustrated since I wasn't very creative.

"Arthur likes simple things, so maybe kind of quirky and kind of not," Liz had said, "Nothing big like that plane ride thing." I soon agreed with her on a plan, that was simple and wasn't at the same time. I hid the rings with Liz, where Arthur wouldn't expect anything, and soon enough it was his birthday. I had practiced stuff to say almost five times that day. Gilbert and I drove to the site of where our wedding would be and made reservations for May 24th. Now, I also got him a card so I wouldn't have to kneel there for hours telling him how much I loved him, I could have done that very easily, but I think it would have gotten boring after a while. I was really nervous while I drove Arthur, Liz, and Gilbert down to the restaurant in Westminster we were going to. It was some Italian place or something. Arthur took my hand on the way in, asking what was wrong. Damnit, he can tell I'm nervous. I told him I had a stomach ache but I'd be fine, and Arthur smiled and kissed my cheek.

We met Arthur's mom, dad, and brother inside. They already had a table. Arthur's brother's name was Francis; he was thirty eight and had long moved out of Arthur's home before I came into his life. We all hugged and stuff before taking our seats. We ordered drinks, Arthur slipping sips of my root beer ever so often, trying to be sneaky to make sure I didn't notice. I ruined his plan by saying 'Jeez Artie, you could have gotten your own.' We all joked and laughed during dinner, even though I was still nervous as hell, it was a great time. After dinner Arthur started opening presents and stuff.

"Liz I swear to god," Arthur said while taking Liz's present in his hands. But he was rather surprised when he found out it was something serious. After everybody else's present I handed him my card. "Alfred, wow, last year you got me a drum set this is a pretty big difference," Arthur laughed before saying 'just kidding' and kissing my cheek.

If I remember correctly, this is what the card said on the inside; "_Dear Mister Kirkland, I remember meeting you for the first time being trapped in the gym locker room. It was my totally coward-ly-ness that saved my life, because well, I met you. And I met you, that brought Liz and Gilbert into my life as well. At first I tried hating you, you and your pride, but instead I found myself being madly in love with you. You make me happy every day, well, your horrible cooking doesn't but at least you try cooking for me! But, seriously, let me do the cooking. I remember being memorized by your eyes from an artist's view, and even though I'm a writer now they're still fucking pretty. And well, I really love you, Arthur. Like, a lot, and thanks for saving my life as well, I'm pretty sure with my crazy 16-year-old head I would have killed myself if it were not for you. _

_Love the coolest boyfriend ever, Alfred Jones! _

I had added a few hearts after that. Arthur looked at me and went 'aw, Alfie,' and we hugged for a little bit. We got free cake as well, since it was Arthur's birthday of course. "Close your eyes and make a wish!" I had shouted, Arthur staring at me stupidly.

"Alfred, I've already got everything," Arthur said with a laugh, "I've got fucked up friends, strange parents, and annoying brother, and a dorky boyfriend, what else does anyone need?" Arthur laughed, "Plus I stopped making wishes when I was like eleven."

"Just do it!" Gilbert shouted, "For the sake of cake!"

"Okay, fine you guys," Arthur sighed, closing his eyes and blowing out the candles. In these few seconds Liz, Gilbert and I's side of the table turned into a spy movie trying to stealthily get out the ring from Liz's purse. I almost dropped the object to the floor and Liz scolded me in a whisper before I finally got my bearings together. I shoved the ring down into my pocket and kneeled in front of Arthur, putting my arms on his lap. "What the hell, are you trying to feel me up?"

I had smiled at him, tapping his leg before saying, "Well first of all, happy birthday Mister Kirkland," I said with a laugh before starting my little proposal, "So, well, okay, Arthur Kirkland, I really, really love you as you know, And, I know I'm a pretty big asshole sometimes, but," I shakily took the ring and its container out of my pocket at this moment, basically wanting to run out of the room I was so nervous, but I tried my best to keep my cool, "Well um, I'm really gonna try to get this right. Mister Kirkland, I'll do anything, I'll build a really big pool in the backyard so I can teach you how to swim, I'll get you as much stuff for school and I'll visit you every day if you want, and I'll cook dinner for the both of us every night, and I'll do whatever the hell you wished for. Arthur, I want you to let me make you happy," I paused, looking up at him, making full eye contact with him. He was crying with his hands in front of his mouth, and I smiled. "Will you marry me?"

It actually went a lot better than I planned. Arthur got up and hugged me, burying his face in my chest. I could feel his tears through my shirt, and I hugged him back so tightly. Arthur said 'yes' twice, muffled by my shirt. That was defiantly the best I had felt in a while. I heard some quiet awing, but I didn't care, I was going to be with him for the rest of my life. Arthur took my head in his hands and kissed me quickly but forcefully. "You okay?" I laughed, whipping away some tears that were sticking to his face. He nodded, smiling slightly. After Arthur calmed down somewhat, I slipped the ring onto his finger, which got him shaking again. I was about to put mine on, but he insisted that he could do it because he didn't want to be in the total woman position of our relationship. There was cheering at our table and a few other tables surprisingly, and Arthur hid his head in his hands as he blushed like crazy, and I just laughed and put an arm around him. We probably got a dozen congratulations from total strangers after leaving the building.

Arthur didn't let go of me that night, only when he hugged his parents, brother, and Gil and Liz goodbye. "I'll be seeing you at the wedding, eh?" Gilbert said, poking my stomach. The two of them left in a bus and the rest of Arthur's family drove home. The next day I invited almost everybody I knew, asking Arthur permission first of course, while he invited the people he wanted to. He went back to school, which I was pretty sad about, and I patiently waited for him every day. Or I just went over and visited him, but I couldn't do that too often.

The wedding came rather fast. Arthur and I went shopping for tuxedos and I told him he should wear a dress instead. We joked about that for a while until we got reservations to the hotel that we were staying in that was connected to the wedding place. Yeah, I'm really spending a ton of money on this. Oh yeah, I also wrote 'HELP' on my shoes, I couldn't help myself. Liz called me three dozen times asking what cake I wanted and pacifically what on it.

Two days later we did vows. Everything before that was a big blur of rush, I got calls from ten different people about last minute things, I spent at least an hour trying to tie my tie correctly (Which Arthur ended up doing for me), and don't even get me started on my hair. It didn't even look that fancy but holy shit I spent hours on it. But, everything was all blurry except standing up there, looking at Arthur in tears again while our vows were read. I probably looked like an idiot up there, awkwardly staring at Arthur since I had nothing else to look at. Anyways, he looked amazing, so I didn't mind staring at him one bit.

"You may now kiss," was probably the best sentence I had ever heard. The poor pastor was probably confused on how to do a gay wedding, but that kiss was a really, really good kiss. Arthur jumped into my arms, his tear stained face pressing against mine. This was a new life, right here. It wouldn't be much different after this, same old dorky relationship, but new. We were husbands now, officially.

Afterward, Arthur whipped the tears from his eyes and smiled, "I love you, idiot," He had murmured in my ear as I carried him off. And so the wedding officially began, and I gave hugs to everybody. The first person being Liz, picking her up and spinning her while she screamed "You did it!" My dad and mom were crying and actually comforting each other, and while Arthur was talking with his family I went off with mine. My little cousin Peter, who was now twelve, was really confused that I could get married to a guy, but I explained to him most of it. Matthew and I hugged for a while. Kiku even showed up. And since my family was huge, this was a really, really big wedding we were having. Arthur and I sat down with our imitate family, and we kissed and nudged against each other the whole time. Liz and I danced together once. We even had a photo booth where Arthur, Liz and I took a picture, but last minute Gilbert invaded and the outcome was really funny. The cake was the best cake I ever had, and it even had nutella flavored frosting. The best part of that night was probably the slow dance, Arthur pressed up against me as we awkwardly rocked, and it felt so good. I had the time of my life that night, partying with my friends and family, but yet having the whole time to be romantic with Arthur. The funniest moment that night was probably the flower tossing, which even though that was for straight weddings, I screamed "Screw it; I wanna be the girl for once!"

That night Arthur and I stayed up for hours snuggled together, talking. We talked about us, our friends and families, things we remembered, things we always wanted to ask each other. I was the happiest man alive that night, I had Arthur Kirkland officially, and forever.

So, that's where the story ends I guess. It's been two weeks after our wedding and Arthur just started going back to work. I love him just as much as I did when we were young, I'm sure it will always be that way.

Well, my name's Alfred, Alfred jones.

It all started when I moved to England. My parents got a divorce, my mom taking my brother, my dad taking me. He wanted a fresh start, so we moved out of America and into England. I didn't at first though, I had everything I needed. Popularity, friends, family, but, I wasn't loved there as much as I thought. I cried for the whole plane ride. Our house was rather big, and just for my dad and I. He felt bad, so he had got me a Chocolate lab puppy. We had named her Ala, and she was my best friend. My backyard was rather big, and we lived not too far from London. I started high school on the second year, I was thirteen. Everybody thought it was cool I came from America, and the girls loved my so called 'accent', but really, I was gay. Then that one day. Such a small thing sparked so much, love, hate, happiness, sadness. Opening my locker, I kneeled in to get my bag to head home. And without thought, I accidently knocked my head on the top of the locker. It hurt, but the laughs hurt more. As the bullying got worse, I started to cut. But then I met Arthur Kirkland when I needed love the most. He taught me so much without either of us knowing, but here I am now. Married to him, and still madly in love with him.

I'm sitting on the couch right now, cuddled up in some blankets, typing this on my laptop. My dog is asleep at my feet and Arthur's cleaning up. I hope he joins me soon, I want to snuggle. Well, I can hear him singing, his sweet amazing voice, the voice that I have always loved, the same song that has stuck in our minds since we were young.

_"Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly, All your life_

_You were only waiting for this moment to arrive"_

_~The End_

* * *

_AND TA DAAAAAA~~!_

Its done! I'm kind of sad for it to be finished, but still DONE~

This is more of a prolouge. They do more cute things and get married yay

OKAY NOT VERY EMOTIONAL, I KNOW, BUT ITS A PROLOGUE SO DEAL WITH IT

So, if your gonna miss this, i've got a new USUK story might wanna check it ouutt s/9708363/1/Dear-Survivors it'll be longer I promise

So yeah, good bye Ups and downs, and thank you so much for all the support! I'm actually surprised this got as much love as it did .-. Thanks for sticking with me, even though i'm not the best writer X3 You guys rock

*begs for fanart plz I'll love you forever jk im kidding no fanart im a loser I dont need that

But, I have one more new story and another one in progress in my head (still working out the story line and some plot holes).

Well, thank you all so much for reading!


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